Honest opinions, what would you Do?

[AskingForAnEnemy]

My husband has asked me to sign a contract to say that if we divorce I won't touch his pension. Apparently when we married he didn't realise his pension would become a joint asset.

When drunk he basically threatened me with a divorce if I don't sign as he'd " rather lose half of everything now than in 20 years time"

He's apologised for that outburst but I'm just curious do people actually make these sort of agreements AFTER getting married? Would I be stupid to sign anything?

Regardless of whether you stay with him or not you should be looking into your own pension. If he has no intention of making sure you're ok you absolutely need to look after yourself.
I'm not an expert but I'm not sure if he can leave his pension to your DC. If you've got the name and info of his pension you could make some enquiries.

You have no pension because you looked after his children, thus facilitating him working and earning his pension. If you do split, you are absolutely entitled to part of it, for that reason. No way should you sign anything (Not that I’m convinced it’d be legally binding if you did).

Is he going through some mid-life crisis? Has any of his friends/colleagues divorced recently?

I doubt that kind of thing would stand up anyway, you'd simply get a larger share of the other assets. Like pre-nups, they don't mean shit in the UK.

He sounds like a delight by the way.

I wouldn't be signing anything and I would be questioning his motives. .

His motive is greed and thinking that he's worked hard so the money is his and his alone and why should I get any of the money he worked hard for to put away for himself.

It's majorly pissed me off to be honest, I feel disrespected

I think you need to find out what he has signed over to the kids when he dies, because it's you who will have to pay the bills when he dies, not them! Has he got life insurance? My pension pays out a lump sum if I die in service, and I have nominated my husband to receive this. The good thing about this is it is paid out quickly and doesn't have to go through probate, so can be used to cover some stuff immediately if there's suddenly only one salary coming into the house.

How are you supposed to feed and house his children if they get his life insurance? Not that you're thinking of chucking him under the patio just yet after all, you're just waiting until his pension pot is large enough for you to divorce him

Surely the fairest thing is for him to have half of your pension, you have half of his - you're a partnership, no?

I'd advise seeing a solicitor as soon as you can as he's clearly got his mins set on divorce.

Nope sorry, I wouldn’t sign it either. As you’ve said, if you hadn’t had kids your pension would be as good as his! By rights he’s entitled to half yours too. So it’s only fair you get help his. He wouldn’t have been able to amass a large pension without your assistance either. He needs to remember this!

As for the will and him leaving everything to the kids. I understand that if you weren’t around (heaven forbid), but he needs to provide for you too if he does before you do. It’s a very strange thing to say and do tbh

DO NOT SIIIIIIGNNNN!!
Last year I divorced my exh after 14 yes married, 2 DC.
He never had a pension as "they are a waste of time, this house is my pension". He earned £24k, I earned £60k. With a gold plated public sector pension.
He was abusive. When I finally asked for a divorce he took half the house AND half my pension, as "he'd fucking earned it being married to me".... charming.
So I have the DC and a smaller house and half a pension, whilst he has the larger family home, DC only eow and half my pension!
Fair? I'm not sure, but legal.
Freedom is worth EVERY SINGLE FUCKING PENNY TO ME!!!

We do both have life insurance

If you have a long marriage his pension will be a joint asset as courts recognise that you will need income provision in old age.

His attitude is not good.If you think he is capable of being reasonable then maybe have a discussion explaining that you have always assumed partnership and if he paid into a pension it was effectively tax efficient savings for you both.

I am divorcing ex and will be entitled to some of his pension.He prioritised money into it when I spent my income on family.
If he persists agree to a valuation on both pensions and then insist on a budget to get pensions equal.

No way would I sign.

My uncle screwed my aunt over like this after she brought up his children (at his insistence), after he had an affair and during the divorce asked her not to go after his pension. (She is lovely, still loves him and so didn't!) Now he is sitting pretty (retired) and she struggles monthly. Drives me insane, and when I win the lottery, she is the first person I am treating.

Pretty nasty thing to say to the woman he loves. Why were you even discussing divorce? I'm sorry but it sounds like he's paving the way out of your marriage.

Divorce him and get half of everything now, otherwise you might be left with literally nowt. Plus you might find a nice man to live with which would be a bonus.

The reason the legal precedent exists for partners who have compromised their own earning potential/pensions etc in bringing up children to get 50% of their spouse's is precisely to combat this type of person who "believes they worked hard and deserve it".

Your husband is an arse, I'm afraid.

Oh he's definitely an arse, no denying it

Arsenal, get everything sorted and leave him. Get every penny you're entitled too. I walked away with nothing and I regret it.

Ha, love the autocorrect - arse

I think if he's thinking about you splitting, it's on the cards anyway. I wouldn't sign.

Omg.... he sounds like my stbx. 4 days after l found out about OW he presented me with a seperation agreement that left me with nothing. He wanted all his pension, all his redundancy pay from last year (he too had worked so hard for it) and the house sold leaving me and the DC homeless as he wanted 50%.

I laughed.... l suggest you do the same

Um it sounds like he fucking hates you.. why are you with him? How long ago was your last employer if they didn't "do" pensions? You are entitled to his pension, you raised his kids.

Please don't sign anything. And based on my personal experience, start keeping an eye out for red flags. This is not something he's just thought about in the spur of the moment, he's given this a lot of thought.