My parents (mother in particular) have ALWAYS been abusive, manipulative and violent to me (the violence when I was younger). I was still well and truly under their control until February 2012 when I had some counselling and realised I was a grown woman and could say no to them!
Well, I tried. I stopped answering their calls and soon got threatening voicemails etc. Then they got a fucking solicitor and demanded access to my children, who at the time were 3 and 1. I was pregnant with my third, and married to an abusive, violent man, so was absolutely terrified by these letters and due to bad advice from my solicitor gave in to these demands and allowed contact on the first weekend of every month.
I always, always said these visits were about control. My mum doesn't even particularly like children! Anyway there were often incidents, like her shouting at the DC, calling them a nuisance, leaving one in bed while she took the others out, hitting a 2yo because she wet herself.
My dad moved to the other side of the world for work - and is still there now - and I have seen her another child but my mum has always refused to have all four, and for the past few years has completely ignored the "first weekend of the month" agreement, and only had them if it suits her, eg "I will be picking them up three hours late because I am training for a marathon". To me this all proves they never actually wanted the children, but they would NOT let me make a decision for myself.
Things have really come to a head this year, due to some of the following reasons:
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I'm no longer married to my awful ex (who, coincidentally, my parents love) and am now with a lovely, kind, gentle man who would do anything for me and the DC. It's really started to make me see who is good for the DC and who isn't.
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she has gone well beyond just letting the DC down because she's busy. Eg last month she demanded having the girls for one day each, but the boy for two days and nights (she's always preferred the boy). My DS is 9 so I asked what HE wanted to do - did he want to spend two nights with Grandma, or one night and still see his dad on the Friday as he usually does? He chose to be able to see his dad, and my mum lost it, and refused to see any of the DC
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other incidents including her demanding last week that I went to her house and picked up a birthday present for DD2. I said why don't you stop it off while DP is here with me, or just post it, because we won't have time to get to yours today? She went ape shit and started texting me things like "how could you do this to DD2? It's unbelievable. What has she done to deserve you treating her like this?" I had to block her number in the end because the manipulation was making me really upset!
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other major incidents eg last summer I met her in a shopping centre and we had a disagreement. She said "here's the children's holiday money!" and threw money (notes, not coins) into my four month old babys face as she laid in her pram, then stormed off, leaving me to juggle four DC and numerous bags and suitcases while I tried not to break down.
There is a whole lot more - I could write for hours! But basically my DP and I have decided to move in together. Things are moving a lot faster than we'd expected and we could potentially have the keys by mid December. At the minute my mum's number is blocked (she was sending me more shit yesterday). The place we're moving to is an hour away from her. I really, really want to risk never unblocking her number again and just moving on with our lives. The DC are not bothered about seeing her! But I'm absolutely terrified of her still, and I'm so scared that she'll find out where I live and the solicitors letters will start again.
I am so, so much healthier without her in my life
Please, no one have a go at me!