My mother keeps is using stuff to control me and I feel totally overwhelmed

[Elephantgrey]

My mother is a hoarder she has never been able to throw things out and it has got to the point where her own home is virtually uninhabitable.

Ever since I left home she has tried to sneak boxes of her crap into my home. When I was a student living in one room she dumped a huge box on 1970s tea towels and other linen in my room when she was helping me to move house. I wasn't allowed to get rid of it because they belonged to her but she refused to take it away.

She also loves buying things for my house even though I have asked her not to. For example she decided that all my cups should have spots on (why). When I asked her not to buy anymore because there was no room in the cupboard she bought a mug tree with a set of spotty mugs which didn't match the other ones.

Now I am pregnant and struggling with hyperemersis. I also have hypermobility syndrome so I can't move heavy boxes. Neither can my husband as he has had shoulder surgery. The last time she came she brought an enormous box of Christmas presents despite me begging her to only buy us one thing each. She promised that she would take the box of plastic toys from my childhood she had dumped on us the last time she came but didn't.

The other day an enormous parcel arrived at the door with yet more presents in. This has just sent me completely over the edge. I quite irrationally feel that by posting me things she is forcing more stuff into my home without even being here. I had to fight the irrational urge to dump all of the Christmas presents into the bin before I left for work.

She wants to come and stay before the baby is born to buy me a cot and a pram and decorate the babiy's room. I really couldn't cope with this. She wants to choose things for the baby and come and stay when they baby is born.

This sounds like she is being kind and she means well but she doesn't really accept that it is my baby and has been saying things like that is a grandmother's right. If I let her come she will totally steamroller me and I won't be able to have the relationship I want with the baby.

I don't know how to deal with this. It seems like such a small problem but I have really bad anxiety. I have Tourette's syndrome and my tic have been so bad I have injured myself. I was referred to the perinatal mental health team but I haven't heard from them.

How can I deal with this situation?

Elephant I understand you love your mum, but I think a lot of posters have picked up on the frear you have of her hoarding issues creeping into your life and taking over your nicely ordered unchaotic world.

That's why I posted the links for you, I'm very messy and need extra help organising my home and I think because you come from a family of hoarders these tactics will be useful strategy's in creating the type of home environment you truly want.

But you will also have to get tough and learn to say no and put things belonging to other people out with the trash sometimes. I wish you well it can't be easy.

I had a hoarder parent.
I don't know how old your mum is but sometimes people get to a point where they can't change, it isn't that they don't want to but they are set in their ways.
It is fine to tell them you want less stuff dumped on you. It is also fine to bin anything they do give you, send it to a charity shop or pass on to someone else. There is no need to keep it in your house though!