Paranoid me or lying b

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Hi all,

Trying to keep rational head here, maybe I’m getting worked up over nothing.

DP and I have 4 kids between us, youngest is 4 months old. DP went away yesterday for a match with his mate, and they had planned to stay at a hotel. It’s been arranged ages and they’ve done it before.

Anyway, DP texted me at around 4.30pm yesterday. I replied and then left him to it, and then I texted him again several hours later, just a kissy emoji. Usually he’ll text a load of drunk gobbledygook when he gets in, and again when he wakes up, moaning about feeling rough and let me know when he’ll be home, etc.

This time he didn’t. He didn’t text back or open my messages until 10am, and then he sent a quick text saying that he was coming home early, didn’t want breakfast at the hotel... and then when he got back, he came in, said hello and went straight into the bath. I thought that was odd, didn’t he shower at the hotel? He said yes but he wanted a soak??

Have I watched too much Doctor Foster or is this a bit off?

A bit off. Do you know wife of mate he went with? Time for a catch up coffee... Might be nothing, but yes you'd shower at hotel and see /reply to your wife's texts..

Yes.

A bit off.

Do you have avenues to check this out?

• mate's partner

• do you know the hotel he was supposedly at?

• car mileage??

• bank statements

• receipts?

BUT could be anything. Crap time for whatever reason. Argument with mate. Dreadful hotel. Feeling ill.

The mate he went out with is a single man again now, compulsive drinker/gambler/womaniser, all his relationships end because of how he is. He’s been friends with DP since school days, DP knows I’m not keen on the bloke, but he’s his friend, not mine.

I don’t know how much I’m in my own bean, but I just feel like there’s something that’s gone on.

I would need to investigate this further. Sounds a bit fishy to me

Can you check his phone?

He’s got his phone in his pocket for now. His mate drove them there and back. Dp booked the hotel, twin room, he said...

Am I making a mountain out of a molehill?

A believer in trusting your gut...what does your female intuition tell you OP?

I would ring the hotel give his name and say he left something in the twin room.

Maybe something maybe nothing
You could ring hotel & see if they will tell you if they checked in & if they returned after night out & used the room & what time he checked out, say you haven't been able to get hold of him or something

I don't know if ringing the hotel will help you. Pretty sure they won't be allowed to give out details. So ask his friend's wife or his friend.
Without that option, maybe ask your DH? Say that was odd.
If he's being dodgy he'll say things that are defensive or don't reassure you. If he's genuine, you'll know by his response. I'm all for that quiet voice....

How often does he stay out for you to know his "usual" habits? (Texting gobbledygook / texting first thing in morning etc)

My DP stays out so infrequently I wouldn't know that his behaviour is off?

I'm not clutching at straws, but could your partner be pissed off with his friend's behaviour at all?

Tricky one.

Keep coming back to 'trust your gut'.

It's absolutely true that you get subconscious warning signs when someone is lying, or something is amiss. If it's someone close to you, often you just know when something is up.

Do you know what hotel it was?

Is there any relevance to you including number and ages of DC in your post op?

I sincerely hope that there is nothing going on, are you suggesting that perhaps he has grown weary of a committed relationship with you and your DC?

He says they watched the match, went to the pub and we’re back just after 10pm. He woke early (around 7am) but he didn’t leave til 10 and he didn’t open my messages or reply til then...

I know the hotel but what can they even tell me?

He laughed at me when I mentioned it was funny he went for a bath and said “Well I haven’t done anything wrong!” But if he had stopped drinking by 10pm the night before would he be so rough he needed a bath to recover after already having had a shower?

Also, he put his clothes straight in the wash pile, whereas usually he leaves them stinking in his bag and I nag him. Has the nagging worked?

It just all feels dodgy...

I think the ‘Well I haven’t done anything wrong’ would make me more suspicious. He doth protest too much etc etc.

I think you need to do some more investigating op. Sorry.

I would hold my nose and have a good look at his dirty washing. I'm rarely so quick to be suspicious but this sounds worrying.

It's a bit odd BUT I think he'd be more likely to overcompensate if he had cheated. Made sure he'd messaged you, called u on the way back - etc unless the guilt is overwhelming . Has there been form for this ? Was he watching the rugby ? And does he normally watch the rugby ?

Receipts in pockets? If think it was weird too sorry op

He’s going to show DS some of the pics from the match soon so he must’ve been to that for at least the first half! He knows I find it all unusual but I’m trying to play it down, because I want to see if there’s anymore to find out. Maybe I’m way off, but I just feel like there’s more than he’s letting on.

Nothing in jeans pocket and nothing to suggest funny business...

Hoping to get the phone at some point but by the time I do he could well have cleared anything.

Or I’m a headcase.

Trust your instinct.

Sounds off, into believe in trusting your lady instinct - have you guys been getting on ok?

Would he have used his bank card whilst out? Maybe check account transactions...

It's the bath part and him saying he's stopped drinking by ten pm. It sounds unlikely. He's got a night out and a stay in a hotel with a friend who clearly likes a 'good time' and he's back at the hotel and stopped drinking by ten pm...

Does he seem tired? Because, according to his story, he's had a great nights sleep...

How blinking odd.

I wouldn't be able to not have a word with him.

I'd think it was a bit iffy too and want to look into things a bit more.