Paranoid me or lying b

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Hi all,

Trying to keep rational head here, maybe I’m getting worked up over nothing.

DP and I have 4 kids between us, youngest is 4 months old. DP went away yesterday for a match with his mate, and they had planned to stay at a hotel. It’s been arranged ages and they’ve done it before.

Anyway, DP texted me at around 4.30pm yesterday. I replied and then left him to it, and then I texted him again several hours later, just a kissy emoji. Usually he’ll text a load of drunk gobbledygook when he gets in, and again when he wakes up, moaning about feeling rough and let me know when he’ll be home, etc.

This time he didn’t. He didn’t text back or open my messages until 10am, and then he sent a quick text saying that he was coming home early, didn’t want breakfast at the hotel... and then when he got back, he came in, said hello and went straight into the bath. I thought that was odd, didn’t he shower at the hotel? He said yes but he wanted a soak??

Have I watched too much Doctor Foster or is this a bit off?

The oddest thing would be not having breakfast at the hotel, especially as he claims he was back there at 10pm and therefore not crashed out hungover.

What gets me is he asked why I didn’t reply to his text letting me know he was coming back, and his follow up 10 mins later which was just a kiss (I think he sensed I’d got the hump).

But it’s okay that I didn’t hear from him from 4.30pm til 10am? And that he hadn’t even opened the messages? I know he had his phone, so why? Added to the other stuff, it’s enough to make me wonder...

I think I’ll try and keep calm just a bit distant until I can snoop. If I’m wrong I can at least feel a bit justified to have had doubts.

Did you manage to get a snoop at the phone op?

This is weird. Why would you go away with a mad single mate to see a match and just end up having a quick one at the pub before heading back at 10pm? Doesnt make sense.

If you had a good nights sleep you'd linger a bit in the morning, have breakfast and then hit the road. Why did he rush back?

Dont know your DP but that behaviour would fit with: left bag in car and headed straight out to match, went to pub, had ONS, woke up early morning at hers and rightly thought he would look bad slinking into the hotel room he didnt use at 8am the next day, so didnt bother with breakfast or shower and just headed straight home from hers:-/

splendid could have a point

He could be covering for the mate and just be pissed off. If the mate met someone and took her back to the room, your DP might have stayed in the car just to give then space and just be fuming with the mate

TMI. Check his pants go with the gut I did and I was right ring the hotel claim he left his watch and could they have a look ask what time they checked out

So because somebody didn't text back when they was out for the night, didn't have breakfast at the hotel and came back and had a shower. It warrants some of these replies?

Check his underwear - Seriously?!
Check his phone.
Check bank account.
Ring the hotel.

It seems like if you add the phrase " trust your gut " gives you a pass too invade and snoop on somebody's privacy.

Yup. And let’s face it, any suggestions that a guy was doing the above (checking his wife’s dirty clothes in particular) would have the whole of MN screaming EA.

Isn’t the perceived wisdom that these things tend to come out in the end anyway, without all the active snooping? Because a guilty conscious, plus the inability of most people to sustain a lie over a long period, unless they’re a sociopath, means it usually does.

I also believe in trusting your gut instincts.
It's worked for me every time!
Definitely see if you snoop - I know many think it's wrong but sod that!
You need to know so you do what you can to find out.
I hope it's nothing though.