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Original poster

Found husbands creepy search results on Facebook

77 replies

Whatatwatheis · 18/11/2017 22:11

My husband is out tonight and I had a sneaky look at his tablet.

On Facebook not only has he been searching specific ex girlfriends regularly, but he’s also been searching my 14 year old sons girlfriend, plus my friends 18 year old daughter Sad.

That’s creepy isn’t it, and not just me being jealous?

He’s very senior in his job, and he’s also been searching various young attractive staff members Sad

I’m 2 stone overweight after having a baby, and feeling like crap nowSad

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 19/11/2017 00:47

I think there's a reason why you felt you needed to snoop, and I think what you found is extremely troubling.

SquirrelTail · 19/11/2017 00:51

OP, I don't think you should have looked but now that you have we can only work from there... If you tell him you did this he will be annoyed and not want to discuss it. He will try to back away out of it and you know this. He is not going to admit to any sexual motivation to look them up and will try to convince you otherwise whether that's the reason or not and will also distrust you for doing this.

My other half has many women from his past sex-capades as his friends on Facebook. I've seen his account logged in while he was out and did not look at anything, just immediately logged him out of it. He is very secretive about his phone which I don't like... Won't let me look at his photos on there or see the screen. When I have previously seen the screen I have seen messages with lots of kisses at the end from women appear as notification which made him act very uncomfortable but I don't mention it. I don't want to keep things on lock down, if he cares enough about me he will carve out a life with me. I think you shouldn't mention it, you already know what the answer will be and it will weaken your relationship.

DarkNightDelight · 19/11/2017 00:53

It’s creepy, trust your gut!

OldWitch00 · 19/11/2017 00:54

I remember looking up on fb my daughters friends...young ladies or fellows so I knew what they (as a close group) were up to and putting online....
i'm 60 and still occasionally look up who has married or had babies....

merville · 19/11/2017 05:34

Depends if he was exclusively looking up females - if it is only ex gf's, sons gf, your friend's daughter, and young female work colleagues then sorry but it seems naive not to deduce a sexual element to the searches & browsing. It almost seems like fantasy/wank fodder - to be v blunt. Some blokes are v motivated by females they know/have met in that regard, rather than detached strangers in poem for example.

merville · 19/11/2017 05:34

Porn not poem sorry.

Pinkpillows · 19/11/2017 05:48

I want to know why you felt the need to spy on him?

Bekabeech · 19/11/2017 07:00

Sorry but I do sometimes look at the profiles of young people I know, including friends of my DC (including boyfriend and girlfriend). Nothing creepy, just curious as to what they are doing/ looking for new photos of my DC etc.

But why you felt the need to search his iPad history and reacted so strongly is probably more of an indication of an issue.

Original poster
Whatatwatheis · 19/11/2017 07:08

It's only females he's searching

I know I shouldn't have looked, but I did.

We are ttc our 3rd, but I don't think he fancies me anymore. He likes VERY thin women, and I'm not that anymore!

I'm going to check again and see if it was a one off in a week or so, and then decide what to do

OP posts:
Kr1st1na · 19/11/2017 07:14

It’s creepy

And he doesn’t make you feel loved. That’s not very good, when you are working hard raising his two small children for him.

Do you really want another baby with him? Are you sure this is the right time ?

DancingOnParsnips · 19/11/2017 07:14

I was about to say that I'm nosy too Blush. I don't just look for positive reasons either - if I find someone annoying I also look.

However, if it's just females, I can see why you are worried. He may be senior, but did he not realise women put my weight when they have children? I hope he's nicer than he sounds Flowers

Gaudeamus · 19/11/2017 07:31

What sort of shape is your relationship in otherwise? What behaviour is making you think he doesn't fancy you any more? Do you talk through your feelings together? Is he kind and respectful to you? Is he fully involved in family life and on board with having a third child right now?

It might be worth taking a mental stock-take of how you're doing as a couple so that if you do confront him you'll have a better perspective on why he's doing this and whether he's being honest.

rcat · 19/11/2017 07:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

merville · 19/11/2017 07:33

All the folks saying they look up eg their kids gf/bf's/ various people .. Have a feeling you don't exclusively look up ex bf's and young men.

Ivehadtonamechangeforthis · 19/11/2017 07:38

I don't think its that odd tbh.

I'm happily settled etc etc but regularly look up my exs because I'm curious to know what they look like now, whether they're married/divorced, what they've made of their lives etc. Maybe I'm just nosey. I don't hanker after any of them.

I would say it's just curiosity with your sons' GF and perhaps he finds your friends 18 year old daughter attractive but that doesn't mean he fancies her, perhaps it reminds him of when he was young. I'm in my 40's and spent an evening with my niece and her BF who are in their early 20's and I loved listening to their chatter and enthusiasm for everything!

TokenGinger · 19/11/2017 07:40

Did you know the people you look up on FB can see your profile under friends suggested? Any reason you're looking to befriend a 14 year old girl?

This is incorrect.

DianaT1969 · 19/11/2017 07:48

Sounds like you should put TTC on hold. Maybe take time enjoying your current children but make it a priority to spend time on yourself and building up your self-esteem? You'll be in a better place to handle things if you're feeling confident and in control.

boysarebackintown2 · 19/11/2017 08:00

I wouldn’t automatically assume it’s creepy- just nosy. On Facebook you’re prompted all the time to look at profiles ‘people you may know’.
It’s very strange, I’ve had someone who I had a car accident with years ago Pop up on mine (yes I looked at their profile).
I’m happily engaged but I still look at exes Facebook from time to time, who knows why we do it but I definitely know it’s not because of wanting them back.
My kids are too young for Facebook but I’m sure I’ll stalk them and their friends when they have it.

merville · 19/11/2017 08:14

Op has said 'he has been searching' which suggests deliberately using the search function to find people (all females ranging from exes to young female work colleagues to family friends daughter) rather than clicking on profiles he's been prompted as people he may know (tho even in that case it wouldn't be ideal anyway, wouldn't you just not click on them if you weren't interested). Some folks don't seem to be grasping the deliberate search and exclusively female aspect.

Pinkpillows · 19/11/2017 08:18

The issue is with how you feel about yourself. Does you DH make you feel unattractive? He might very well have a type but doesn't mean he will stray because currently you don't fit his type

Exercise a bit make yourself feel better, hold off TTC until you feel solid in this marriage

user1499786242 · 19/11/2017 08:30

Well I would put the baby making on hold for a start Confused

boysarebackintown2 · 19/11/2017 08:35

If you click on someone’s profile it will show up in your search history. You cant tell if someone has typed in a specific name on Facebook just from looking at the history which I’m assuming is all that’s been looked at.
Specifically women doesn’t mean anything either.
I’m a woman, if I looked up my daughters boyfriend he’d be male- means nothing. Exes are male- means nothing. Work with male colleges and they’ve added me or vice versa- means nothing.

Ivehadtonamechangeforthis · 19/11/2017 08:45

Just reflected on what I said upthread and also read your other comments OP.

If he is only searching females, young colleagues and friends daughter etc it could be a case of he's a bit bored with his life. I would put TTC another baby on hold and look at your relationship in general. Does it lack time spent together, is your sex life in reasonably good shape. I think everyone goes through phases where we reflect on our lives and whether we're happy with what we have and sometimes we also reminiscence about years gone by. I work in an industry with a lot of 20 somethings and there's a lot of chatter at work about weekend plans and dates etc and I often find myself mulling over my 'freedom' years when life was all about enjoying myself. It doesn't mean your DH is up to no good or wants to be.

sofato5miles · 19/11/2017 08:46

Boys are back that is incorrect. Search history is as it suggests, the history of deliberate searches.

TammySwansonTwo · 19/11/2017 08:48

Reasonably sure that if you click on the fb search bar, it shows up your recent searches, and profiles you've clicked through to from the site itself won't show there as you've never typed them in. Could be wrong though.

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