Accused of cheating but 100% innocent

[Sshhbear]

My partner of fifteen years has got it in his head that I was cheating on him while working away from home. This suspicion came as a result of google history saying I didn't go home to my apartment one night I was away. I should also mention that while google timeline said I didn't go home, the entire nights snowshoe pings that clearly show I was in my apartment. The problem is that it has been six months since said night and my partner refuses to believe that I did nothing. He feels that my body language says otherwise and he has said really hurtful things around the topic. We are supposed to be getting married in March but I don't know what to do. If my partner truly knew me, he wouldn't have any doubts at all. I have never cheated nor would I ever. I have done all I can do to prove my innocence but now I'm lost. He is probably right about my body language but any change in it is mainly due to him watching and studying my every move and this is making me self conscious. Any suggestions would be welcome

I agree she has done everything.. everything but what he needs. It’s ok to better a relationship by understanding why eachother does things with better communication before ending something that you have seen to be the rest of your life, is all I’m saying! What would want him to do if it was the other way round? Put yourself in your partners shoes..

I couldn't live with someone who didn't trust me and accused me of cheating. It implies a lack of respect.

Ask him if he doesn't trust you why is he with you? Also it sounds a bit controlling.

In fifteen years, he has never been like this before. I was working interstate for eighteen months (home most weekends) and our relationship was fantastic. He's recently turned fifty and had his first surgery which has left him feeling a bit venerable.

He's out of order. Don't marry him unless you want this nonsense for the rest of your life.

Don't marry someone who doesn't trust you.

I would find it suspicious that he was suddenly do jealous, this is often a sign they are in fact cheating themselves.

People you thought you knew can change due to life stresses. Honestly, that's their issue to deal with and it shouldn't be projected in to you.

My dh has been a shitty person around the time of him having surgery and being unwell and I felt it my duty to just accept it and make his life comfortable. There is no excuse to behave disrespectfully to your partner. Not Illness, grief or anything.

put his actions to side for a moment and focus some time on how you can make him believe he is the ONLY one for you and I promise his “watching” you will subside because he really doesn’t want to do it.

Really, don't do this.

Actions are much more powerful than words, pay attention to them, especially if they do not match the sweet promises.

Noone can make someone believe something. Pay attention to the payoff he gets from accusing you of something you have not done. It is impossible for you to prove that you didn't, so he gets to niggle at this for ever.

You cannot make him feel more secure, and there is no point wasting your life trying. Hope that helps

So does he think the kids along to this cheating escapade then?

Personally... I'd sit him down and say I've had enough of these false accusations and him continuously mentioning it is making you evaluate the whole relationship.... as there is little foundation for a relationship without trust.

For info, my laptop tells me I’m in the Midlands when I’m on it sometimes.

It also tells my phone that my laptop is in the Midlands or occasionally Milton Keynes. This is whilst I’m at my kitchen table, working on the said laptop in London.....

These trackers are not always accurate.

I should also mention that while google timeline said I didn't go home, the entire nights snowshoe pings that clearly show I was in my apartment

I don't know that a snowshoe pings is but why does he not believe this?

Lol. Sorry. My phone hard predictive text on. It was supposed to say timeline pings.

Oh so your timeline pings show that you were in your apartment. So what does he say when you point this out?

He accepts that I did go home but then concocted an idea that I took someone home with me or was having an affair with someone in my apartment complex. His paranoia about this is so deep that he thinks this imaginary person may have moved 1000 miles to be in the same city as me so our affair could continue. I work from home and rarely leave the house without the kids or my partner so it's not like I would have an opportunity to spend time with someone else. He's not trying to get me to leave. He loves me and can't wait to get married. Mid life crisis maybe?

Sounds like a mental health issue.

I'm not sure why you would marry him while he's having such thoughts.

I wouldn't marry if I were you.

He thinks you are having a long term affair and yet he *can't wait to get married". If he really believes it why hasn't he dumped you?

If he hasn't been like this before, and has recently experienced significant events in his life - you mention surgery and turning 50 - then I suppose it could be some kind of mental health crisis.

Do you think he would speak to his doctor about it, or is he so convinced that he is right that he doesn't see it as a problem?

This is controlling and manipulative behaviour. I would not stay with this man.

He’s a fucking fruit cake! It’s a toughy given you have two kids. But I’d be reluctant to marry him. In fact your entire relationship is at risk. He either trusts you or not. And if it’s not, then you might as well start proceedings.

I would get angry.
He needs to STFU or leave. If he is struggling with the first then he needs to get himself counselling.
He needs to realise that his behaviour is ruining a relationship.

Btw Facebook often thinks I’m in my local pub when I’m in my house (that’s at least 200 m away).

Is he normally controlling ? how does he usually behave when you go out with friends or colleagues or go to see your family without him
or the kids?

Does he read your emails, check your phone or your bank account ? does he get angry if you don’t reply immediately to texts ? does he have strong opinions about what you wear, how you style your hair, make up etc?

Op you cant fix this. Its pretty impossible for you to prove you didnt cheat.

Op please listen. I married a man like this. I love him but we are now seperated. Because of things like this. I never cheatedm but had my location tracked. He logged into every app i had. Everything.

Its wears you down. Eventually you dont know what mood you will find him in. Everytime he looks at you with sadness or anger, you wonder what he has found now. You walk on eggshells. Its really not healthy.

Dont marry him. He is the only one in the wrong.

You can't fix issues in his head. Frankly, I would expect he is planning to cheat on you and this is a projection, but I suppose it could just be he is a faithful but controlling partner. Either way, not great. You wont leave? Personally, I would completely ignore, remove all tracking apps, tell him you may or may not be faithful in future and same can apply to him. See what happens. If you feel frightened of his reaction, maybe you are more controlled already than you think ...