would love to hear other peoples point of view (particularly female)
essentially my wife and i married for 13 years two children aged 5 and 7 and are in our late 30's
since 5 year old sex has been on the slower side but occurring every week-10 days.
now over the past few months my wife and i nave been having problems (her flirting with another guy bt text message leading to trust issues from my point of view) and I hope we have worked this all through but it has left a glaring problem with our marriage.
she no longer wants to have sex with me and hasn't for some time.
She no longer finds me attractive any more or interesting any more (she wants me to spend more time out of the house doing things without her and to flirt more with other girls) she already goes out 2-3 nights a week doing netball and going to the pub and I go out one night a week doing martial arts. we both have busy job. my argument is i cant really spend any more time out of the house or our children won't see much of us
on talking she's ays she no longer wants to have sex, ever. she has always considered it a chore, something she has had to do to keep me happy and if she's honest she really doesn't enjoy the effort and would rather play with her ann summers collection.
What hurts is that our sex is all focussed around her pleasure, and wants and needs and this is something i regually ask her. She says she appreciates my effort but just cant be bothered with it all
Ive tried all ways to find out how i can make things better for her that way, (in all honesty without having an ego im pretty good at sex too)
anyway it culminated yesterday with her saying she would rather me have sex with other women outside of the marriage as that way it will stop me asking her if she fancies it any more and that way she hasn't got to worry about my needs any more and can just have togetherness in the marriage.
we discussed was it just she didnt want to have sex with anyone or just me. she said that if it was a new relationship she probably would start having sex again as its part of the "chase" to get a man but then after that unlikely she would still want to do it
She doesn't seem to understand that i dont want to sleep with other women, almost seems quite cross i didnt and doesn't seem to understand my feelings that without sex i feel our marriage is missing something really important.
im not quite sure how to proceed here as she feels its me who has the problem and she has offered the solution, i cant see anything else more i can do to improve the situation and we have talked this over so many times now we are not going any where
essentially she says over the past few years she's been faking enthusiasm for my benefit but her mind hasn't really been in it at all
i feel quite devistated and not sure how to continue