Am I being unreasonable

[Sarahr22]

Basic background - I work full time, husband unemployed for 8 months this year, I pay all bills and get home from
Work and he hasn’t even lifted the hoover! Argues with me, yells at me, blames me for his situation. Financial impact of him not working is huge so affecting all of us badly.

He contributed nothing financially for a few months. Last weekend was his mates birthday so he went out and spent loads of money. My argument is that any spare money he should help out with bills not think of himself.

This week I have a mandatory work conference. He was supposed to go to an expensive event. We have no childcare cover and he is yelling at me tonight that I can’t go to my conference and he is going away to his event (while again not contributing anything to home!). Conference is important - I always duck out of work events but simply can’t for this one, I never go out socially, 3 other work events I have turned down this week alone. He went berserk tonight telling me I am
Selfish. My only option would be to pretend I am ill but will reflect badly on my career. At a complete loss.

A man who bullies, abuses, and takes pleasure in emotionally destroying his wife is NOT a good father. It's time to pull yourself together and get your life in order. You don't need him for anything. He's the one dependent on you, and he knows it. That's why he tries to keep you "in your place." He's a loser.

I don't get the bit about you paying him back what he has paid to stay in your house. Is it your house in your name? Then what he has been paying is rent. You don't get that back!

People always think that their children would be devasted if the parents split up but I disagree. I was 4 when my parents split and I was so happy about it because it meant that I didn’t have to live in a toxic environment anymore where people hated each other. You’d be doing your child a favour if you end it, I promise you.

You say you don’t have the confidence to leave but if you think about it, you kind of already have because you do everything yourself. You are paying for everything, you are arranging childcare, you are doing the house stuff - his only contribution to your family is eating the food you’ve paid for and upsetting everyone. Frankly I think you can do without that.

You say you are due to go to a work conference, so I am assuming you work for a large company? If so does your company provide staff support - an outside company that does counselling/ legal information etc? You need help to see what he is doing to you and legal advice regarding leaving this abusive situation