I've been asked out in real life, but am rubbish, help!

[Quiddichcup]

Wise mnetters, I am so utterly useless with men, having been single for 10 years. That I need your help!

I met someone in my new job, back in April. He was also new and I would sometimes see him on the way in and we would walk and chat. I'm so awkward around men if I think there might be something there... so I took to hiding to avoid him. When I did next see him I got a huge , unexpected hug and I felt ok that he might like me and was more open. This went on for a while, nice chats, bit of affection but he didn't ask me out and so I assumed that was just his culture ( he is itallian) and he was being friendly. I felt slightly embarrassed that o had thought it could be anything more and just stopped thinking about it. I've only seen him for maybe 10 mins, in passing, since the summer.

Anyway, I was very surprised on Friday, to get a Facebook friend request off him. I don't know how he found me as I have no idea how he knew my last name. I accepted and he asked me if I would like to get drinks together sometime. I said it would be great, next weekend? And just got a thumbs up and a heart emoji.

And that's it.

That was saturday.

What do I do now? I feel like maybe it was as friends? And why hasn't he chatted to me more? I am so useless with men and am terrified of looking like an idiot.

Please help !

I would assume it's just a friendly catch up that may even have other people invited along. That way you can take the pressure off yourself if it is, and be happily surprised if it isn't.

The actual wording was ' pint together sometimes?' So don't think there are others and it's not coffee.

Maybe it is a cultural thing then?

Thing Is, I guess, I like to chat, not hold that to only chatting in a set time frame, and say, if it is a date and he goes to kiss me, I won't want to, because now I'll be thinking he will go back to radio silence straight after.

Those who are having the same issue, have you had a date already? What happened after?

He sounds like he’s double checking you’re still on for Saturday to me.

I also wouldn’t worry about how much you communicate via Facebook. Some people don’t like it

You also don’t ise heart emojis for work carch ups

Just reply yes what time where? And see what he does

Argh its a minefield these days... also been out the dating game for a very long time. Think 30 years.....
So any advice from me may well be very shit....

I wouldn't make any more contact and see what happens on Friday.

The reason I say this is what I found, people just say things without a firm plan, just a making general comment.....

I was with a work colleague for something a while back (we both going through divorce) and what was meant to be me being there for a quick pick up something and leave, ended in me being there for ages just chatting, him telling some very deep stuff re his split etc, there were even tears. When I left, he suggested we meet sometime for coffee. I said ok, didn't make any firm arrangements. Then I mentioned it to friends who badgered the crap out of me to contact him first (as this is what is done these days) so I messaged him and asked him if he wanted to meet a few days later. He blew me off!! So that was the end of that. Put me in a bit of a situation as after than I had to talk to him about a work thing again, and it was pretty awkward for me. I messaged him, we said what we needed, and then he ended it by saying, 'chat more sometime soon, I just have to go to the shop' So from that you would think that he would want to chat again, wouldn't you.... but I just left it now and speak to someone else there if I really need to. I cannot be doing with the hard work figuring it out to be honest.

Quite clear I am not ready to be back in the dating game yet.....

I don't think it's you not being ready at all. I think that people ( who might have been married a long time) yet over excited about their friends dating, and give awful advice. Haha

I used to date a lot. I dated lots of types of men, I was both passive and tried being pro active. I've asked guys out, ive askee for second dates when I thought it was a sure thing, it's only ever led to a bruised ego.

Also with online dating, I stopped because I couldn't stand it, it's a crazy world where people seem to behave like animals and I just didn't want my life to be like that.

So I've done no dating at all for ages.

And obviously still have no idea.

I'm not going to contact him again, I tried Sunday and Monday to lukewarm response. So, ive made an effort and not making him do all the work, but I'm not going to mother him and organise the thing for him. That is not sexy.

He will either message to sort it. Or not. But I do know that I already feel slightly rejected because of the failed chat attempts.

So I have heard absolutely nothing since Monday when my attempts to chat failed pretty miserably.

No time or location for the date and my interest is now colder than the Ice I scraped from my car this morning.

Ok. Move on.

I just don't get it.
What the point if friend requesting me, and asking me out was?

I wasn't interested at all till that point as I hadn't seen him since August, hadn't thought about it at all since then.

I've got a lot going on the rest of the year so it's no loss but I hate the way this week I've been left feeling like a mug over some guy who is clearly lacking in common sense and decency.

A) he migot like attention and be messaging numerous people at the same time putting first his "preferred" option
B) he could just be busy
C) he is nervous
D) he is more laid back, might contact you today or even tomorrow to arrange it.

Give the guy a chance!! He's said catch up Saturday so that's when he's expecting to chat to you- fb can be very impersonal and he may just be busy!

I would say by the 'fancy a pint' message it's more of a friends thing but I also think you're massively overthinking it! If it is a date, it's the first and perhaps he wants to get to know you better in person rather than inane small talk over fb.

That being said, if he doesn't bother messaging by tomorrow, I'd assume he wasn't bothered about meeting anymore.

But surely if he was expecting to chat to me then he would need to give me a time and a place to do So, seeing as I am not a mind reader?

I don't think it was a friends thing? He liked a ton of my pictures and sent far too many kiss and heart emoji ( which made me a bit cringe)

I do not like guys who do not think I have any value and will just be there at a drop of a hat.

He can't have been that busy since he is always on and posting stuff on fb.

I still think he will get in touch. However, it doesn't really sound like you like him. So even if he does get in touch why would you go?

I've gone off him a lot this week.

I mean, it's not like I fancied him, ive not seen him for months. We had a few weeks in the summer , seeing each other walking into work and he was nice then, so I would have seen him based on that.

I was confused then because he was quite affectionate but never asked me out so I just wrote it off.

The friend request etc was a surprise.

I guess, I'm just a bit sad and disapointed over being messed around.

I expect it online dating, it's par of the course and it's why I don't do it any more.

But this is someone from real life, so I just expected more.

You didn’t ASK him to confirm the date and time though!

Ask him to confirm time and place and if he doesn't respond bin the whole thing and forget about it.

If he does respond I'd go along just out of curiosity.

But I shouldn't have to ask him, he must know, at the age of 40 something, that to meet someone you need to give them a time and a place!

The last conversation Monday? He said Saturday for a catch up if ok for me. I said Saturday was great.... he replied with a thumbs up and has disappeared into the ether.

Anyone else, at that point would have gone on to do time and place.

I'm not messaging him again, ive tries on two occasions to start a conversation and he just cuts it off with an emoji. I think a bit more of myself than to have a conversation where the other person can't be bothered to type and can only reply with jumping foxes.

Chuck him in the bin op.

Still nothing from him at all.
I've got a cut off in my head, of 8.30pm, if my some miracle he does contact me, which I expect is very, very unlikely, I'll say I have made other plans because I hadn't heard.

And then I'll delete him off my fb.

I work with a few italians. They are LOVELY, warm.. friendly.. flirty and tactile, doesnt mean anything! Its their culture. You’d know if he was interested romantically. Sorry.

Dont delete him, thats really dramatic! Let him message you if he wants to meet up.

i think you are really over invested! you say you didnt even fancy him or see him like that, then as soon as he asks you for a drink you’re letting it get to you that he hasnt responded in the way you like, when you never even liked him that much?

everyone has a different style of communication, it might be that he rarely uses FB but thought that was the only way to contact you. he might message you tomorrow morning saying “lets meet at X at Y o’clock” because thats the way he always does things.

its ok if you dont want to date someone like that, you dont have to get so het up about it. hes 1 man, there are literally billions more in the world for you to enjoy!