Set up by dh again

[bestfakesmile]

dh has come back from a weekend away with some of his family, they called in for a cup of tea as they dropped dh back home and he ostensibly 'asks' me in front of them if its ok if they all come to visit the weekend before christmas. Its clear that its been discussed and arranged already and this is not really asking me, just telling me and doing it in front of them so I can't say what I really think.
I wouldn't mind so much but my mum has already invited us to her house along with some other relatives (who will be bringing a new baby for us to meet) and, after asking dh, I accepted her invite.
Now dh says those (admittedly slightly more distant relatives) are less important and I should back out of the previous commitment.
To add more to the situation I don't actually want any social commitments at all that weekend. I work in retail management and it will be hellish that week and I don't particularly want to be making polite chit chat when I'm totally stressed and exhausted, let alone be bloody entertaining a bus-load of dh's relations.
To further piss me off he has also 'volunteered' me to help out at a charity event this week, its completely out of my comfort zone doing all the sorts of things that i the and am really not good at. I agreed to it as felt obliged to as it was for charity but now the time has come i realise i have just been landed in a totally unnecessary and stressful situation by him, again. I'd be very happy to do some of the things I am good at to support the charity, but I have neither the skills of the experience of doing anything close to the role I have been saddled with. I'm pretty sure its going to be an embarrassing f-up but can't see a way to back out at this late stage.

Something I've noticed is that if you've agreed to things for a long time and then start saying no, people are much more resentful about it than they are to people who've always said no from the start. You might think you'd get credit, if you like, for all the previous yeses, but actually it seems to make people feel more entitle to your agreement for ever more. Not a reason to go along with things you don't want - more a warning that sadly you can expect people to be uppity about it.

OP it's tiring even reading your posts. It's fraught living your 1 life in the way you do and for what, really? What's the end prize?

You've managed to explain yourself here. Since you're on the internet you can find plenty of articles to read re lack of assertiveness and how to empower yourself. Alongside that - bite the bullet and go to therapy. You can read about the different therapies available. & then go. You need to get up and take your life back. It's simply no good to self being a doormat, nor is it good modelling that role to your children. I hope even before you go to therapy you deal with your husband's stance. He is being very tiresome. Tell him you no longer want to do the charity event (if he's that bothered he can volunteer himself in your place, can't he), also message organisers if you need to - then, just don't go. What's the worst that will happen? Ditto the impending visit - as others have said, stick to your plans. Your husband can stick to the plans he made. Presumably you aren't joined at the hip.

You are allowing life and people to wear you out. Take your life back.

You sound really strong and resolute OP!