Are they just friends

[Icema]

Help me please as I feel I'm being paranoid. My boyfriend of nearly a year is causing me some concerns. He is separated from his wife now for 5 years but yet to get divorced. He still meets up with her for a drink. He goes to her home and just let's himself in. He spends every Christmas day with her and there 21 year old son. He cooks there dinner and then they sit with there son whilst he opens presents .he still provides money every week to. He also has a lady friend at the pub he drinks in daily. They have exchanged phone numbers. He gives her lifts home and they message and chat regularly. He flirts with her as does she with him. And he smacks her bum. But when I confront him he says they are both just his friends. His son and wife have both verbally attacked me and my boyfriend says he will always stand by them. Am I being paranoid or do I have a cause for concern. Please help.

Thank you all so much again for your help and advice. He is 54 years old. He's not with his wife because he had an affair many years ago. But his wife took him back but they seem to have a very solid friendship. I just don't know he claims I am the one like I've said i feel so out of sort .

Have you met either of these ow?

Do you live with him?
I think the flirting with the woman in the pub is bloody horrible, and the smacking of her bum makes me think that he's a terrible lech.

But I am very very good friends with my XH, and we still spend Christmas together with the (much younger) DC. We meet up for coffee and text a lot. This is easy to do because there are absolutely no romantic or sexual feelings there any more- we couldn't be friends if we fancied each other.

He’s taking you for a fool op

No I don't live with him. I have only met the lady in the pub. She is much younger than him and she seems to enjoy the attention that he gives her. He also has photos and videos of her on his phone which he quite openly tells her he looks and watches them. I have never met his wife as she don't like me as she and there son don't like me. I can fully understand wanting to spend Christmas and open presents when your children are young but there son is 21 years of age.

The wife I wouldn't be worried about Smacking someone's arse!!! Honestly just wow

OP why are you letting yourself be treated like this ?

I'm trying not to worry about his wife. But when he says he will do anything for her, stand by her no matter what. Would basically harm someone if she met a new partner herself if he even touches a hair on her head. Still buy one another presents for Christmas and birthdays and say there from there son i can't help to be a little suspect. I have children of similar age and there more than capable of buying there own presents for me and there father.

Are you upset at the friendships or that you think there is more than friendship? It is rare but not unusual that ex husband and wife remain close friends having no interest whatsoever in getting back together. Some men prefers the friendship of women, which sometimes also involves flirting, but are the most faithful partners. Many men who cheat are those who you would be the last to think capable of such.

In the end, you need to decide why it is upsetting you and whether you can move from your feelings or not as he has made it clear that he won't give up the friendships. Have you spoken of the possibility of moving in together some day or is that not on the cards?

his Actions scream louder than his Words....

he's still deeply in love with his Wife..

you're a booty call.. nothing more... as is the young pub lass.... what's embarrassing is your letting him treat you with such contempt... you need to take a long hard look at yourself and find the strength to get out of this cycle.. this man does not care about you... he is lying

My impression is that he is misogynist and selfish. He isn't prioritising your wishes and you deserve better. LTB.

I have no problem with his friendship as it is a free country and we can be friends with whom we like. I'm am just a little suspect about the way he goes about friendships with them. I mean in the year I have been seeing him. His told me where he has taken his wife, where he hasn't taken her where they have lived where there son was conceived what she likes what she don't like about cards she sends him on his birthday. Calling me by her name. Boasts about how he watches videos and looks at pictures of his lady friend in the pub. Boasts how his given her lifts home. I just thought this to be a little strange.

Bangs head against laptop screen.........

He is a joke. Telling you he’ll always be on their side when they have abused you would be the absolute deal breaker for me, though the woman in the pub scenario is deeply unappealing/unattractive.

Just LTB.

OP Have you ever been in a relationship where you've been treated with respect? You seem to think his behaviour is acceptable??? Watching videos of a younger woman on his phone...this alone is reason to LTB never mind all the stuff with his wife. Just because he rings you every night, doesn't mean he cares about you, in fact, he's probably ringing you every night to check up on you.

I don't know why I said younger^...younger or not it's a complete no-no.

Every concern you've written on this thread is valid OP.

What kind of "videos" ?

The videos on his phone are of a charity event where she sat in a bath of beans for several hours. I just don't see any reason to keep watching them and tell her he is watching them. I just find it f...... strange to keep watching them. But every time I confront him he claims everything is nothing and that they are just the bestest of friends and so he claims is his wife.

We're all wasting our breath

Yeah that's fucking strange and creepy
And as for his wife not liking you, well if they were friends then she would be delighted
He sounds like he maipulates everyone around him so they all stroke his ego.
Get the funk out of there ASAP

But every time I confront him he claims everything is nothing and that they are just the bestest of friends and so he claims is his wife

Of course he does, he's hardly going to admit he's a complete arsehole. You only have 2 choices here...Leave him or stay for more of the same..he's not going to change.

He is a creep, tbh

I don’t think you want to take the sensible advice on here OP. There’s no point trying to convince you to LTB if you’re not going to, and just wanted a moan.

is this Thread a Windup