I have very recently split up with my boyfriend.
I have AS, he has moderate functioning autism.
Over the past few weeks, he has driven me mad with behaviours that have obviously been anxiety driven. I knew he was upset, but not really why. I have been frustrated by not being able to 'get through to him' to help him feel better.
When he did tell me, it seemed to me to not be a huge issue. I tried to talk things through and explain to him. But it didn't make any difference. He said he understood, but then kept repeating it again.
So then he drove me mad with that. Constantly repeating the same reason and finally he ended things because of it. He had become fixated on it and wouldn't let it go no matter how many strategies I used to explain it. I was cross and also upset that we had split up over something that, to me, seemed ridiculous.
He is a lovely man. He has significant autistic traits but they make sense to me and I find them far easier to manage than many of the behaviours/aspects of relationships I read about on here. He is the kindest and most gentle and loyal man I've ever met.
Anyway, it turns out that reason was not the full picture, and was a bit of a 'red herring', which is why my explanations didn't work. And why he still felt that I didn't love him and that he wasn't important enough to me, even though I did and he was.
A few weeks ago, we got talking to a man. I had met him a few times previously, before I knew my ex boyfriend and we got on well. He is fairly new to the area, is quiet and doesn't have any friends locally. He suggested meeting up and he and I swapped phone numbers. My ex boyfriend was there at the time. In my head, this was just about making friends, going out for drinks, no problems. In my now ex boyfriend's head, you don't give another man in the pub your phone number when you are in a relationship. I haven't communicated with this man in the absence of my boyfriend at all.
Once this man knew I had a boyfriend, he suggested that the three of us went out. He hasn't, at any point, said anything inappropriate. I had no reason to believe that he was being dishonest when he said he is just interested in friends and would like to get to know both of us.
My ex boyfriend only told me that the phone number thing had upset him last night. He hasn't tried to tell me what I can/can't do at any point, but he has ended it because I did something that upset him and broke his trust and he can't get past it. He said he would never have exchanged numbers with another woman because he loves me. The only reason it was me this man exchanged numbers with is because my ex boyfriend finds communication difficult. He doesn't really text or speak to anyone other than me.
I feel terrible because I know now that this has hurt him. And he has done exactly what I do in relationships, and what I think you should do, if you don't feel that someone respects you or they break your trust, then you end it. There's no point in asking someone not to do whatever it is, or expecting them to change for you, or arguing. You just end it.
But I need to understand how bad what I did was.
Please be gentle because I do also have an asd, I just find it easier to articulate my thoughts than he does, which is why it took him so long to tell me what was really upsetting him.
I just feel terrible. I accept that it's over because I have broken his trust, but I need to understand whether what I did was just objectively wrong. I just feel so bad that I didn't make him feel loved and cherished when that is exactly how he made me feel.