Husbands running away again...

[Glitterpony51]

So husband has left me again..
Brief sad story
2 years ago we had a nice life or so I thought we owned a company together were happy I thought. Husband was stressed and anxious work gave him anxiety and ocd but I supported him. Then one day he said he didn’t feel well was going home and then later in the day called me home to say he was leaving and he didn’t love me. He’d put all his stuff in storage and went off on his motorbike.
So in a day I lost him, my job, and was heartbroken. A few months later he wanted to come back said it was a mistake and now he didn’t have the work stress he was still in love with me.
We moved counties last year to be nearer my only family my older sister, he wasn’t happy there so a year later we moved counties again.. all this time he’s had 5 jobs now has one he’s always wanted but he’s stressed again and tonight came home and says it’s not working and he’s leaving.
Quite honesty writing this down I feel like a fool, I know it’s late and I don’t expect replies but writing it down at least stops me crying or worse!
We have no children and have been married 17 years.
What an stupid old fool I am.

Glitter, I have the same husband and he's leaving me for the third time in 5 years on Monday, I think we married brothers , Stay strong don't let him move back in when his life gets tough or sad or lonely, or you're now his greener grass.

I too am heartbroken, Ive loved the kind caring man thats in there for 30 years, but the indecisive man child that can't cope is very hard to deal with

We need to let them go and channel the strength in us that they were attracted to in the first place, for ourselves now

I am a decisive attractive woman, although right now Im a snivelling mess, and I am positive that you are too (the strong, not snivelling!)

Still we rise

I’m just a few months post divorce after a very, very long marriage.
The little things that are helping me are playing my favourite music
from the moment I wake up.
I filled 3 large boxes from the pantry with ‘his’ foodstuff when he moved out - the few bits of mine that were left wouldn’t fill a shoebox - you don’t realise how much of yourself you’ve lost in giving way to your spouse. I’ve completely gutted the bedroom (another great idea from the MN massive) to make it mine. Its white, feminine and lacey now, a real haven just for me.
I’ve also put a relative on my car ins as a safeguard in case I’m stuck (I have poor health) and for days out etc.
You can do this Glitter.

This is day 4 of no sleep and very little food
I’d just like to sleep so the pain would go away a little bit.
The night brings dark thoughts and self doubt

Are you still away Glitter?
The night times are always worst.

You have received some great advice on this thread. It absolutely will get better.
A bereavement, it’s exactly like that.
💐

Yes I’m away, he’s at home but moving out Monday before I get home.
I’m dreading returning home we only moved there in August.

Lovely glitter. Think of it as a nice new house all for yourself, to do whatever you want to! Stay strong.

No he wants it sold as soon as possible so he has money to get himself somewhere.
I can stay there but I can’t afford to on my own long term.

Much as another house move must be an awful idea, you will deal with it if you have to. I know one day at a time sounds really trite but it is sometimes the only way. Looking ahead at all the changes to come can feel overwhelming but the reality is you will get over each hurdle one at a time. You will be amazed looking back that you survived but you will.

It is absolutely normal but still very shit to be feeling devastated right now and for some time. It can feel unbearable but it does not mean you will not survive.

Start sorting out the practical things a little if you can rather than letting it "happen to you". If you have moments of feeling at all clear headed maybe think what feels fair and what works for you re the house, timing etc.

Re eating. If you have any favourites that you might find easy to eat try having little meals. I found a banana mid morning kept me going after a bad night. I made it a routine whether I liked it or not.

Selling the house will be a fresh start somewhere new for you. However, please try to avoid falling into the ‘what he wants’ trap. Put yourself first xxx

How are you doing OP?

Glitter, it's a process of differing stages, emotions, sadness, anger, hate and all things in between. Desperately wanting things to go back but coming to realise that they need to move on and that you will be going with it. You gave it another shot when he wanted back and you can't berate yourself for that. What you can do though is to take control of what you do next which will help you regain some emotional strength to move through the stages.

I could write a book as many of us on here could. Day by day, be kind to yourself and start to see this as an opportunity to challenge yourself on what you want your life to be like. Sounds as though you had to make many a compromise and you won't have to do that again my dear. My best wishes for your future and do believe you have one. A different one but you may just find it's a better one than you could have hoped for xx

I didn't properly sleep for months.
I had to go to the GP in the end just to get my body clock back to some normality. Look into that.
As for eating. Solids are hard to do.
I survived pretty well on sugary tea and orange juice ice-lollies.
Slowly introducing soups.
Smoothies might help as well.
You can't sell a house for 6 months due to taxes etc....
So you may not be able to put it on the market until January.
Look into that as well.

Re the house that’s what I thought. I’ve had a text from him saying no pressure but I’d like to know what you want to do only I need to make plans?
I need to stay here, get through xmas then decide in the new year. Tried to see citizens advice but they were closed, trying to see a solicitor too just to clarify things.
He’s so cold he’s texting a friend laughing about cars, eating, sleeping, working all as normal.
Town today was full of old couples it was heartbreaking I cried all the way home.
I know this will fade but god it’s so painful.

I don't mean to upset you more but could there be another woman on the scene? I only ask because it sounds like he's in a rush to move on

No I don’t think so, he’s more depressed than anything.
That’s hard to deal with

He can't be that depressed if he's laughing, eating, sleeping, working, etc....
Tell him exactly what you have here.
You aren't making any decisions just yet.
Once Christmas is over you can get together to decide what happens next.
Don't rush into anything.
Don't be rushed into anything.
He chose to leave. So he'll have to deal with the consequences of that.
If you need to then text him and tell him what you need to and then tell him you are blocking him until after Christmas and New Year.
You really can't have him in contact with you pushing for answers.
He'll have to wait it out for now.

And of course there could be. But it’s not looking likely from what he’s been doing.

One hour at a time and fake it till you make it, we’re sentences I tried to live by in the beginning. That and smoothies if you can’t face solids (I couldn’t)

You now need to focus on you, if you need to stay in the house until the new year, for your own sanity, tell him that. He’ll have to wait on you for a change. Start to take charge, new bed linen was a monumental step in the right direction for me. As was only listening to happy songs

Good luck OP

Fake til you make it... that’s my day. I work retail and I have to smile even when I want to cry.