I don't love him

[Cantbelievethis123]

Apologies this might be long. For a few years now I don't think I've been in love with my husband.
He's more like my roommate. The thought of any physical contact makes me cringe. I don't want to kiss him or have sex with him. I don't find him attractive. He's always been on the heavy side but is getting bigger no matter what I do or say to try and help.
The problem is he loves me more than anything. He works hard. Is a great dad and does his fair share of the housework. It would kill him to know how I feel.
A few months back I posted on here about his behaviours towards sex. He wants it all the time. He constantly wants me to kiss him and he's had sex with me whilst I have been asleep. I forgave him and it hasn't happened since but I can't bring myself to be intimate with him since.
One of the conditions to me forgiving him was for him to stop the constant nagging and sulking when it comes to sex and he did for a few weeks but now he's back to it. Says I can't possibly love him and that I'm not a good wife because I don't want to sleep with him.
I know deep down I want to leave. But I just don't know how. I will lose my friends as they think he's amazing and will think I'm cruel. I have no family and I don't want to hurt my children.
Thanks to those that made it through this story. I just needed to let it out I think

No wonder you dont love him. He’s obscene x

Good morning OP. Woke up thinking about you and this thread.
Today is a new day and with every new day is an opportunity to start a new life! I hope you feel rested and can see the positive things this morning brings.
First, you have reached out to a lovely group of Internet ladies who are here to support you.
We all agree you owe your dh nothing. You are worth more than the way he treats you.
I am 29 too and sat here about all the things I would have missed if I had stayed with my bf at 16. Okay, I would feel like I had missed out on a lot and that I had "no life" before meeting him.
But it also means there is still so much for you to go out and do. 30 is the new 20. There are so many adventures you can have, so many goals you can tick off. Don't think you can't do it because anyone can. But every day you stay with that man, who you admit does not make you happy, is a day away from your dreams.
Don't stay for the sake of your kids. Leave for the sake of your kids. They need a mum who is the best version of herself that she can be. Is that you this morning? Can it be you in a year's time?
Even if you just make the first step today by calling a helpline or making plans to move to a friend for a while, or to kick the b-tard out, it will be something.
Good luck with whatever you decide OP

You need to stop seeing this as "I fell out of love with him" and focus on the fact that he's raped you!
Then you can make a decision based on that.
Speak to a rape crisis counsellor urgently to get your thoughts in place.
This isn't a relationship issue it's a criminal one.

Love, he is a rapist. He doens't care about your feelings at all.

Thank you everyone for your supportive messages. I will give woman's aid a call just so I know what help I can get. I haven't seen him this morning he left early for work. I've text him to go stay at his mother's tonight but I doubt he will

Your update!! WOW!!!
He's is sexually assaulting you.
That is NOT acceptable and is abuse.
Massive massive abuse!!!!
You may take a few attempts to get through to WA but please keep trying.
I think you also need the 'rape' part validated.
You are minimising it. That's understandable though.
Please also call Rape Crisis today.
They can help with a counsellor to help you understand and come to terms with what is happening to you.
You can't bury it - it will destroy you otherwise.

I hope you get some support from these today and can start to plan your exit.

I'm glad you're planning to call WA. I guarantee you, every woman who calls them will say "I know it could be worse", because that mentality is how they get you to stay.

If your friend told you the basic facts (financial control, sexual assault, rape) would that seem like a good relationship to you? His bad behaviour is not mitigated by being nice sometimes.

I'm glad you're planning to talk to someone. It must be so hard to take that step- but remember, you didn't do this. HE did.

How are you this evening? Did he come back?

Yea he's here. He's in the spare room currently as he's not feeling well.
Rightly or wrongly we'll still be living together for now. I have told him it's over between us but due to finances I can't leave till at least after Christmas and he's refusing to go.
I have made an appointment with my uni advice zone to discuss my change of circumstances so hopefully I can apply for a larger bursary and I have contacted payroll to change the account details for my wages. He has said he'll help me with whatever I need but I'm trying to become more independent as in a few months I'll be living alone with just my dc x

@Cantbelievethis123 I’m glad you’ve spoken to him about it, let him be as stubborn as he wants for the time being, you’re doing the right thing in regards to finances. Can I ask whose name the house is in?

How are you coping with it? Xx

Wow! Well done for being so strong and honest. It's time for your needs to come first. Maybe look at this thread if you feel your resolve weakening over the coming weeks as he is likely to put on an act of being a perfect husband, at least for a while. and

The house is in his name. I'm coping ok. I actually feel relieved that I've said the words "we're over" to him.
Misty thank you. Re reading this thread when I need to sounds like a very good idea. I can't see my resolve weakening. This has been a long time coming. It's just a scary thought that I'm going to be single and on my own for the first time in my life

Well done OP. You are taking back control of your life. Can you get him to sleep in the spare room every night? Then you can lock your bedroom door and you will be safer.

I totally understand that extracting yourself may be complicated and take time but please don't feel that you have to put up with being raped or assaulted in the meantime.

Here is a link to an article on consent which should make it really clear that his behaviour is criminal and you don't have to accept it.

www.google.at/amp/www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/consent-rape-is-this-rape-a6718931.html%3famp

Doesn’t matter the house is in his name, you are married, been together a long time. The DC need housing etc - starting point is 50:50 for assets and debts. Please as WA for solicitor recommendations for those experienced in abuse.

I definitely recommend what @RandomMess suggested! But honestly good on you for being strong 😊 you have lots of support here, whenever you need it xx

Well done OP, that’s a lot of decisions to make in one day. You are clearly very focussed on the future.

You need legal advice about the house and other marital assets, like car, savings or pensions that your husband has ( I’m assuming you have none ) .

Can you make copies of all the financial documents relating this?