Big argument in front of dd WWYD

[myusernameisnotmyusername]

Myself and dp have been niggling at each other all day and it’s culminated in an argument in front of 4yr old dd leaving me sat next to her crying (me not dd) and he has gone for a drive. It started when I made a comment about having a mark on my jeans when I thought they were clean and he said well you haven’t done any Washing this week. I snapped because I am always Washing and drying and putting away. I do all DD’s ironing and some of dp’s. So I shouted ‘yes I have!’ I’m not happy I shouted. But it feels like dp does this quite a lot. He will get my back up until I explode, or walk out of the house. Anything to make me look bad in front of dd. Anyway we had dinner which I had slaved over and he barely spoke to me. I was trying to be normal. Then he made chocolate brownie and didn’t give me any. When I asked if I had any he said well you can help yourself but I thought you were on slimming world. So I lost it a bit and started crying. DD said ‘you’ll love this’ and I said I wasn’t having any. Anyway it was all really childish and I’m quite ashamed of myself for getting upset and silly I front of her but I feel like dp is doing this to me. What should I do? We are ok most of the time it just seems to be every few weeks we end up like this. And I don’t want dd seeing this all the time. Reading this back it sounds really ridiculous but it’s actually really hurtful at the time.

What's the point of him?

Is he a teenager?

He likes to wind you up for some reason

Sounds like he knows which buttons to press and enjoys pressing them. Has he done any washing this week?

There is an easier way than slimming world to lose stones op.......

I don’t know. I can be as bad sometimes but it’s really upsetting me when it’s in front of dd. I don’t know what to think anymore. I know I have pmt today but he hasn’t even made an effort to be normal in front of dd. Yesterday and the day before we went out for the day and had a lovely time.

I can’t get her happy little face out of my head saying ‘mummy you’ll love this’ and then it dropping when I said I wasn’t having any. And then I moved her to the sofa and she cried at me. She’s fine now but keeps saying she thinks I’d be happier living away from daddy.

Yep LTB op he is clearly abusive
Honestly it's like bloody stock replies on here sometimes.

I think you were acting childish actually. You shouted at him, then expected him to be normal, then you shouted at him again because he ate all the cake because your on a diet and now he has gone out to get some space as your crying.

It's really immature and not nice for your dd to see.

After I shouted I sent him a message to apologise. I also tried to talk to him out of earshot of dd. He wouldn’t talk to me even though he was in the wrong and I know he was because his comment was nothing to do with whether I’d done Washing or not. The jeans were clean on yesterday. He was loving it. He isn’t abusive but he is acting in the wrong

^I can’t get her happy little face out of my head saying ‘mummy you’ll love this’ and then it dropping when I said I wasn’t having any*

Actually op your messing with her head there. Your making her be part of your shitty mood. Your trying to make a four year old sorry for! You could have easily said 'oh you and daddy have gobbled it all up or would you like to share '

Get a grip

And he didn’t eat all the cake. He gave himself and dd a portion and deliberately didn’t give me any. I don’t even care about cake it is how he was deliberately making me feel left out.

Shitty for your child. Really shitty

She saw there was a massive tray left. Oh I suppose you’re perfect then?!

How old are you?

That’s why I’m on here. I am asking for advice on how not to do this in front of her.

No I'm not far from it but I don't try and upset my kids to make dh feel shitty

Horrible and weird

Stillpissingdown I’m not answering you any more.

When your feeling like your going to explode walk out of the house and to the shop, smoke a cig, recognise that your homrmones are getting the better of you and effecting your family

I don’t smoke.

Maybe you should start!

Poor you :(

It's horrible arguing on front of kids, and then feeling guilty afterwards because they've witnessed it. Best thing to do is to stay out of the way of DP until DD is asleep, then shut at least two doors between yourselves and her, and try to talk things through.

Another time, try to pick up the signs of an argument as early as possible, and remove yourself from the situation. Then again pick it up when she's out of earshot.

If you manage to sort things out, you could apologize together in front of DD tomorrow, and reassure her you've sorted things out and said sorry to each other.

If this sort of thing is happening a lot, you need to get counseling or end the relationship.

Talk to your dp when dd is in bed. Decide to stop sniping at each other. If he has concerns about washing or anything he needs to speak to you direct. Is washing your job or do you share jobs around the house?

If you are doing a slimming club make it clear you still expect to be offered treats etc, and then decline with grace if you genuinely don't want them.

It sounds like you are frustrated with him, it may be you have good reason to be, so tell him calmly and let him voice any concerns to you.

If you are straight with him and this continues then you need to make it clear that this kind of behaviour is not on, it will weaken your relationship and show your dd a bad example if how to communicate.

Another thing, going for a drive when you are upsetting or angry doesn't seem wise.

You're both as bad as each other and you're dragging your poor child into this. YOU escalated it and made her feel like shit. You could have jollied things along and addressed it calmly after she was in bed. If he had given you cake would you have had a go at him for bringing you cake when you're on sw?

I think pissing does have a point here OP.

You are both being immature and not making your DD the priority here.

Re the cake, when your DD said ‘you’ll love this’, why not say ‘mmm can’t wait to try it’ and get yourself some?

It sounds like you’re both making DD a pawn in your daft games and point scoring. Very unhealthy. Clearly you want to stop it.

I think a calm and mature chat with DH is in order. Only if you’re confident it won’t turn into a fight or a finger-pointing, blame shifting exercise.