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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What would you call this

48 replies

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 24/10/2017 08:28

Just got on the train with OH. I took a seat and left a seat opposite from me for him. All the while smiling he mutters under his breath about my seat choice and how I should have left closest seat for him. I just got up and moved to a different seat. He literally picks at me for no reason. So sick of it.

OP posts:
Qvar · 24/10/2017 08:31

I would call it a shit relationship I was better off out of, what do you call it?

NotTheFordType · 24/10/2017 08:38

"Cuntiness"

TheNaze73 · 24/10/2017 08:38

He sounds like a bell end

bastardkitty · 24/10/2017 08:39

All of the above.

UnicornSparkles1 · 24/10/2017 08:40

I'd call that your OH behaving like a prick.

RoderickRules · 24/10/2017 08:40

I might start sitting with my back to him...

Original poster
NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 24/10/2017 08:41

I would agree. He has no problem picking at me or the kids but lovely to everyone else. We were in a playground the other say and a man was kicking a dog. I told the man to stop. He went over to the other part of the playground and continued doing this.

I went back over and called the man out on it. Told him he was a disgrace etc. This is very unlike me and I wouldn't even class myself as a particular animal lover but the poor dog. OH just stood there and said nothing. Didn't back me up. Now he's a self confessed animal lover. But always worried what people think of him. So sick of it.

OP posts:
bastardkitty · 24/10/2017 08:44

My ex was like this. Absolutely horrible, passive-aggressive and shitty, except when there was an audience. Also wouldn't say boo to a goose, even to protect his own children. There is literally nothing I miss about him.

Original poster
NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 24/10/2017 08:50

He's so worried about what others think that he'd never stand up for us. Yet tries to bully/pick on me all the time. I'm so upset going into work now. I despise him and can't wait to leave.

OP posts:
RoderickRules · 24/10/2017 08:56

Take s deep breath OP.
And mentally turn your back to him, and get in with your day.
Flowers

Sadlady77 · 24/10/2017 11:53

@RoderickRules - thanks. Am doing just that

lollipop7 · 24/10/2017 19:44

Ugh he sounds like a major twat.

Couldn’t be doing with it. Mind you given last brush with relationship death I’ve been put off for life. Not even Travis Fimmel could persuade me. (Signs and thinks fat chance)

Original poster
NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 24/10/2017 22:12

He still can't see what he did was wrong. I'm so sick of him continually picking at me

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 24/10/2017 22:12

you deserve better. Start making plans to leave.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 24/10/2017 22:15

What's your situation? Do you live together? Have children?

whatsavings · 24/10/2017 22:25

Over.

He's only your OH - get rid before he becomes your DH & it all becomes a hell of a lot harder.

Original poster
NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 25/10/2017 08:32

Unfortunately we are married and we have 2 kids. This morning we were coming out of our estate and a car broke down in front of. Naturally there was some confusion and as he was trying to reverse the car behind was trying to go forward. He rolled down the window and started cursing at a neighbour in front of the kids. When I called him up on it he started roaring at me saying I'm always picking on him.

We dropped the kids off and I said he wasn't a good role model cursing at the neighbour in front of the kids or even at all. He started shouting again calling me a cunt. Now we are on different parts of the train and he is texting me nonstop about what a horrible person I am.

I am so tempted to tell him to stick it but I've so many practical things I need to do before I can leave.

OP posts:
Clutterbugsmum · 25/10/2017 08:36

Time to start the process of getting you and the DC away from him as soon as you can.

Hermonie2016 · 25/10/2017 08:47

Do you have to travel to work together?

He is a bully and has to be right.When did his behaviour start?

I would recommend the Verbally Abusive relationship, it will help you understand the dynamic.Its soul destroying to live like this.

AlternativeTentacle · 25/10/2017 08:53

he is texting me nonstop about what a horrible person I am

If you are that horrible, perhaps he should leave and go find someone better?

Original poster
NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 25/10/2017 08:56

@Hermonie2016 - is that a book? I'll look it up and get it thanks. He's always been like this but it's like I'm only beginning to wake up to it.

I ran into an ex about 2 months. OH was with me so all above board but was in his company for the night and it was like it triggered for me what a normal relationship was like (we broke up years ago over something trivial). Ever since then I'm becoming more and more aware of how toxic his behaviour is.

OP posts:
Sadlady77 · 25/10/2017 15:03

@AlternativeTentacle - I really wish he would go and find someone else and leave me and the DC's in peace

Hermonie2016 · 25/10/2017 15:28

Yes, sorry, should have said, it's a book by Patricia Evans.

It helped me to recognise the tactics and once you see the abuse it's hard to "unsee".

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 25/10/2017 15:32

NK1, I think you've hit the nail on the head. He is toxic.

Get your ducks in a row and make your plans to leave. You deserve much better than this. Hope it all works out.

Frith1975 · 25/10/2017 15:32

Keep those horrible texts, OP. :-(

Sorry to hear you are going through this.