Would this be rude?

[AutumnLeavesandCandleLights]

I've reached a point in my relationship where I need to sit DP down and discuss a fair few issues and feelings that I've been having lately.

Unfortunately, it doesn't matter how much I 'rehearse' what I want to say, I always, without fail, either go off track or forget/miss a major point then end up severely regretting how the conversation went.

So, I'm planning on writing everything down so that I include all of what needs to be said and addressed, but would it be rude to write it in such a way that I can literally just read it all of to him like a letter or a page from a book?

In the past, I've tried making bullet points for 'prompts' and reminders but I never end up delivering them the way I intended.

I basically want this chat to go as smoothly, comfortably and kindly as possible and feel like writing it all out eloquently and descriptively is my best option right now.

But it is rude to discuss matters in such a way?

Thanks everyone!

I absolutely promise you that he isn't going to change

My husband is pretty bad at communicating and it caused a lot of problems in the past. He doesn't know what to say at lot of the time when we are talking about serious stuff and does avoid conversations and forget arguments the next day as it's easier. Maybe not quite as bad as your partner but he does now know he is bad at talking and at least admits it which helps when I am pissed off. So can say to him now stop been a twat and say something and he tries. He has got better so I would try write it all down and speak to your partner as you can't just walk away easily been pregnant with a little one as well.
I am 30 weeks pregnant with our second.

Time to research counselors in your area, make an appointment time and give him the address on a post-it. Tell him you’ll see him there.

I see so many people using counselling as a threat or ultimatum, trying to get a reaction or as another way of saying ‘I’m really serious’.

I think of it the same way as booking a mechanic for a car- something is not working as it should, you don’t want it to get worse, so you put it in the hands of an expert.

If you know that the sound of your voice triggers this stonewalling reaction in him, it’s not going to be solved by you using your voice is it?

Use someone else’s. Perhaps give him the letter to read, along with the post-it. Perhaps he can read it out loud at your session, as practice for engaging his brain and heart in your relationship.

Surprisingly, the talk went rather well, though not to begin with.
DP was defensive at the start, but ended up getting quite emotional when he realised just how detrimental his behaviour had been to our relationship. I've actually never seen him that way before, and although he was upset, for me, it was refreshing to see.

He researched therapists on his own and spoke to me about it this morning - he actually initiated the chat today which is something he has never done before. He told me he knows he needs to work on himself and genuinely wants to better himself for the sake of our relationship.

I think it's a great stepping stone towards us gaining a healthier relationship.

Suffice to say, it was a little stressful to begin with, but im now feeling quite relieved. Still a long way to go, but progress is progress nonetheless!

That's great news!
Make sure he follows through on the counsellor, get it booked asap before he has chance to pretend everything is fine again.

Good luck, I really hope this works out for you and your children as even if you do not stay together you will be co parents for the rest of your lives so need to communicate effectively.

Thank you @Chunkymonkey123

It really was lovely to see the start of some progress. Him showing genuine emotion and a willingness to not only listen to me and take in what I'm saying, but to start a conversation about it all the following day is an amazing step for him and I'm actually really proud of him as I know it wasn't easy for him.

Definitely still going to push for and follow through with the therapy. I think it will help us come along in leaps and bounds.

I'd like to thank everyone that offered advice on this thread, it was genuinely appreciated and I'm so glad I took the plunge to open up with DP and thankfully things are now looking up. it's so nice to not feel completely poop anymore and know I'm a little closer to our silver lining!

I hope he follows through for you.You say partner rather than husband?

Stonewalling is incredible damaging to a relationship.Temporary time outs are fine if one person overwhelmed but couples have to talk.
It's passive aggressive behaviour and his need to control the outcome of conversations.

We're not married no, not even engaged yet.
His stonewalling has definitely caused a lot of damage but I do believe its reversible if the effort is put in.

I know it's likely going to come across as though I'm simply being naive, but I do honestly feel things are about to change. It's different this time, he's opened up, he's spoken to me, he's asked for help, none of which he's done before so it's a step in the right direction for sure!