Married work colleague relationship...

[GoldenMama]

I'm not married, he is, and we work together. Please tell me what a bad idea this would be!

My sister was the OW.
Not only did she loose a few years of her life chasing a man who would never be available, it also haunts her professionally 5 years later.
She's also had to rebuild her reputation within her own family.
Do not touch with a barge pole.

He's whatsapping me about DD tonight. Quickly flicks online and off again. Short responses. I realise he's doing what he did when he was with me- we ding quick texts while her eyes are averted and pretending he's browsing the internet.

I am my H's OW....

Because karma will come and bite you in the ass one day and you will have to suffer the same pain you are causing this man's poor wife.

There's one of those going on at my work right now. The affair couple think they are being discreet but everyone knows and is talking about it, even people who do not share an office with them. Do you want your professional reputation to be affected?

Don't do it

Even if you get everything you want and he leaves his wife, every one you work with, perhaps in you industry, will hear about it. About how you f*cked a married man. Then, all the ones that know his current wife will sit around and compare you to his current wife and discuss if it was a trade up or a trade down.

And that is your very best case scenario.

A married woman at my work was having an affair with a single guy in the office - they thought they were being subtle and discreet but literally everyone knew and gossiped about it and laughed about how obvious it was. Oh and she did leave her DH but not for him - he got dumped too! And he left his job for her so they could have a relationship but not work together - didn’t work out for him did it ?!
In the end it has tarnished people’s opinion of both of them !

A. Your worth more than this.
B. Do you really want to be with someone who could do this.
C. The wife is a real person who'll one day you might have to look in the eye and tell her what you've done (if you do)
D. If it ever becomes public knowledge at work(and it will) it will forever change people opinion of you - you'll be the one who had an affair, not the person who is good at their job.

you end up with a scorned woman like pogmella hell bent on ruining your life
And you'd deserve it. Go pogmella!

Despite him being the love of my life, our affair is the thing I regret most in my life.
I haven't reconciled the pain the affair caused, to others and to ourselves, with the utter completeness of our subsequent relationship and life together and I doubt I ever will.

malta you weren't an idiot, you were a child. Fuck that guy, honestly. What a scumbag.

Pogmelia isn't blaming the OW. She is experiencing a perfectly normal reaction to someone who has harmed her.
I don't understand the MN theory that hatred for the OW means you're not blaming your H.
The OW gave up any right to a happy, peaceful life the moment she decided to piss all over someone else's.

Teens yes the treatment I've been given has had a massive impact on my mental health.

I met the OW in the street shortly after my husband had left. We went into a park and had a chat. She told me a pack of lies. Said she had no idea she was involved in our split and hasn't seen him either. I actually came away thinking she was OK. I subsequently found out he'd been living there a fortnight at that stage.

Life isn't a fairytale, where you meet your one true love and no one else matters because you were meant to be together. Even if that was the case, if it was meant to be, then it would 'be' because your one true love had left their wife of their own accord for you without having to sneak around behind her back. Find someone else you are attracted to who is single. You may think no one in your office knows you fancy a married man, but in my experience, it's as clear as day.

She is experiencing a perfectly normal reaction to someone who has harmed her. Don't think it is a perfectly normal reaction at all. Normal reaction is to feel hurt, cry,seek support and feel disgust for the person that betrayed her and wanting nothing to do with them,distance themselves from the drama.Actively masterminding further drama is not normal at all.
Pogmella yes,the OW lied ,she is not a good person,but why would you want to reduce herself to her level of lies,deceit and game playing.You have so much to look forward to.What the future holds is entirely up to you,they are irrelevant to your future happiness.
I'm sorry you are hurting

But you were originally the other woman Pogmella?

"reduce yourself to her level"

Everyone will know. You will earn yourself a reputation for being that woman who goes after married men.

I worked with a couple who were having an affair, she was the one with the partner. They tried to be discrete but everyone knew. And then she fell pregnant by her actual partner and the gossip in the office was rife as to whether or not it was his baby or the OM's. Awful mess.

My ex worked with a woman who had had affairs with several of the married men in her office. One actually ended up leaving the company when his DW found out. She had such a reputation as she'd had so many relationships with MM that when she actually found her own partner the first thing she was asked was "does his wife know?"

TBH though I think that most workplaces are somewhat incestuous and this kind of thing goes on more often than not. But everyone knows who is shagging who and wen the relationships end people continue to gossip about the affairs they'd had.

No aj? I feel like I am now because he's tecting and meeting me in secret to see our DD. Which is beyond ridiculous.

Teens I'm not lying that's their problem
I'm just telling the truth to anyone that will listen.

Teens I come across a lot of women in pogmelias situation and believe me, it's a normal reaction. It may not be how you or others think these women should feel, but it's how many do. That makes it normal.

Thread has got a bit derailed I think. OP you know deep down how much of a bad idea this is. He’s showing you what type of a person he is right now.

Don't do it. If he really wants to be with you he will leave his wife first. Value yourself and then maybe he will value you too.

If he really wants to be with you he will leave his wife first OP will be flamed anyway ...because she will be the trigger for him to leave his wife..
user21 I have been in a similar situation,but don't recognise any of that mad behaviour and thoughts..Maybe that makes me a good person and a wise one,not just NORMAL

I agree that as the woman, you will end up the one that takes all the flack. do not do this. for your own sanity.