Separated - seeing married man plus others - complicated

[ByronsMummy]

Hi Mumsnetters,

I separated from my husband 7 mths ago but due to finances are having to live together. I started seeing a married man I knew from way back. We fell in love quickly. He is emotionally and sexually inexperienced having only ever had sex with his wife and no other relationships at all. He doesn't know what normal is. After they had kids, no more sex, for several years now. No affection. She refuses to discuss the situation. He is deeply unhappy at home but can't quite find the confidence to leave. In an effort to stop putting pressure on him and feeling so frustrated, I told him I'd move on and start dating other men. Although upset, he accepted this and knows he risks the chance I might meet someone and fall in love.

This brings me onto the 2nd part. OLD! God, I've been messed around so much. The ones that are super keen are quite frankly not my type. The ones I like seem to be playing the field and communication is sporadic. They suggest dates but when it comes to nearer the time, no contact. I've told several to forget it and blocked them. One particular guy I met once and we got on great. There is real chemistry there. He blames his long shifts on the lack of communication and dates. We live over an hour from each other so whilst I see this as not exactly handy, it's not impossible. We had discussed a date for this Sat. I was going to visit him. He said he needed to find out what his teenage son was upto first. When I asked him if there was any update. He said he was seeing his son soon and would ask. That was 2 days ago and not heard a thing. AIBU to think he's not that bothered or maybe he is seeing someone else and trying to keep me in reserve?

Sorry this is a long post. Am I trying to juggle too many balls (lol) as am still seeing the married man! I know I'm an idiot but I do really love him. I'm thinking about chucking the towel in with it all tbh.

What does anybody think? What advice would you give me?

Thank you if you've read this far!! xxx

The thing is, his marriage is not over, they are still living as husband and wife legally and publicly, and you have no way of knowing what the truth is privately.

Secondly, your good friend xDH thinks nothing of going abroad a week at a time, and a few days here and there, leaving you to do the majority of the care.

You sound selfish. And a fool for believing that his sex life is shit !!!!

I was in a sexless marriage for several years.
If my XH had told you that, it would have been the truth.
However, he still would have been a lying cheating cunt.

There is ZERO excuse for fucking a married man - and you need to drag yourself out of the gutter.

Youre getting a lot of harsh comments on here which, I dont actually disagree with. I dont think anyone wakes up and thinks "today, I shall fuck a married man behind his wifes back" but what I do think is you need to look at why you find his attention so appealing. Look at yourself and be honest. Are you suffering low self esteem? Are you jealous of EXDH new relationship and want to 'prove' you're still desirable too? You don't sound like you have many healthy boundaries if your response to MM not leaving his wife is to dash off and find someone else to fuck hoping he will realise what hes missing... saying "cut contact with the MM" isnt going to help you, Id think about doing some work on yourself so you figure out FOR YOURSELF that youre worth more than this... oh and yes. Get an STI test and be more discerning....