Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What's the best way to dump someone?

42 replies

TeeCee · 11/04/2007 15:16

Asking for my bessie.
We just can't think of how to do it and want some help / ideas please.

She's been seeing him since last summer.
Basically he's never truly lit her fire but she thought he was really nice (he is really nice) and she went for it and it was all very ....nice, and she thought (we hoped), he might really grow on her and she might fall in love.
That ain't happenin! Not now and not ever.
Sex not great.
Now he's just beginning to irritate her a bit really.
It's just plodding along.

He had a silly girly hissy fit over something on Tuesday morning and she was overly cross with him and now he's sending her emails and texts saying he hopes they can sort it out and a massive bunch of flowers just turned up at work for her!

He was married a little while ago and that went wrong very quickly after he married. My best mate is the first girl he's seen since his marriage went tits up.
Think he might be really quite into her.
It's not reciprocated.

What should she do?

Act out the scene for me.
The winning idea gets a present!

OP posts:
llareggub · 11/04/2007 15:21

oh, tell her to send a text. Tis the modern way you know

suzywong · 11/04/2007 15:24

Thanks for the flowers

oh ,darling did you like them? Were 4 dozen roses too much?

Nah.
Hey, you know my bessie mate TeeCee?

Yairs.....

Well I can resist her no longer, especially now she's in second trimester horn, I have given myself to her as a handmaiden and declared my love.

What????

Yeah, so shove it.
You Numpty

End of

LadyMacbeth · 11/04/2007 15:25

Well, she really has to tell him the truth. NOW. One of my best friends is married and having an affair with a married man because her DH is too... nice. She's known it all along and got so swept along she ended up marrying him because it became 'expected.'

If she'd been open, frank and honest from the start she wouldn't be in this mess. And the only way to do that is sit down, look him in the eye and deliver the bad news nicely but firmly.

Hope things turn out ok for her!

LadyMacbeth · 11/04/2007 15:25

OR she could follow suzywong's advice.

piglit · 11/04/2007 15:26

"It's not you, it's me. You're a really great bloke but I'm not right for you - you deserve someone who really appreciates you and gives you what you need."

And she has to do it without laughing. That's the tricky bit.

robin3 · 11/04/2007 15:30

Text worked for me once but that was with ultra-macho man type who would not lower himself to respond.

Sounds like this breed of bloke is going to need a much broader explanation and he probably deserves one too. Have to be face-to-face with no room for negotiation route...so

'There's no easy way to say this but here goes....I don't think we have a future together. You're a lovely bloke and we've had fun but the timing is not right for me to settle down with anyone.'

Ultimately I'd always recommend the 'it's not you, it's me' route as the only other option is to criticise him and no good can come of that.

Brings back memories...it's a horrible thing to do isn't it?

Twinmummyx2 · 11/04/2007 15:34

I would end it blaming it mainly on the hissy girly fit he had on Tuesday morning....is that mean???

Marne · 11/04/2007 15:37

Why not just sit down with him and tell him the truth? Tell him its not working and its time to move on. He deserves the truth, no one ever believes the 'its not you its me' route.

Original poster
TeeCee · 11/04/2007 15:38

! LOL!

Ohhhh it's so shit.

I told her to go round to his.
Send him out to pick up a takeaway and a bottle of wine.
While he's out quickly pack any bits she's left there.
When he arrrives back with food th bag is there at her feet, her coat is on.
She tells him this isn't for her and leaves him to stuff his face and drown his sorrows.

It worked for me once anyway!

That 'it's not me it's you line', oh shit, I mean the other way round, LOL, that's just so.... standard isn't it. It's also been used on her too many times and I think she owes it to herself and to him to not use that line.

Does she thank him for the flowers and let him think his apology is accepted but then at next given face to face opportunity tell him it's not working for her.

Or, does she say over the phone as she's not arranged to see him and it's a now or never thing 'look thanks for the flowers, but you know it's not just abiut the other morning, I'm just not feeling it in general and it's not working for me, sorry, perhaps we shoild meet to talk more?'

OP posts:
fireflyfairy2 · 11/04/2007 15:39

"Thanks for the flowers, you shouldn't have"

"You're welcome my dear, I hope we can forget about the fight we had"

"Oh yes, I forgive you"

"Thankyou, so kind"

"No, not really, the doctor told me to put all my affairs in order before it was too late... see you on the other side"

My sister told a fella she was emigrating once!! Didn't he get a shock when he rolled up to wave her off & saw her heading to Tenerife with her Ex-boyfriend!

LadyMacbeth · 11/04/2007 15:39

Quite right Marne. I've always been a great believer in being upfront in such situations. It's kinder on people in the long run.

Sobernow · 11/04/2007 15:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tinkerbellhadpiles · 11/04/2007 15:42

I married a nice but dull man once....run, run for the hills!!!!

Would she consider hiring a wimple and telling him she's taken holy orders?

robin3 · 11/04/2007 15:44

How can it can possibly be kinder to say to a recently divorced bloke 'sorry but the truth is I find you and bit wet and you're crap in bed!'?
Agree it will certainly terminate the relationship without need for further explanation.

frumpygrumpy · 11/04/2007 15:44

I'm with piglit. Its a great line, especially if delivered well, and "I know its a cliche but it really is me not you".

I'm also a huge fan of lying your arse off in these circumstances .

Whatever gets you through I say. Life is too, too short for mediocre sex.

Original poster
TeeCee · 11/04/2007 15:52

LOL at you lot!

And life is too short for mediocre sex. (Don't even think it's as good as mediocre!)

Personally I'm thinking she should say:
"look X - I really don't know how to say this but it's got to be done, you're a lovely guy but it's just really not happening for me. It may sound ridiculous to say don't take it personally but we're just not really compatible from where I'm living it. I'm so sosrry, I have tried but it's not working, sorry'.

How does that sound?

Also should she do it now while the flowers are still fresh or does she say thanks for the flowers for now and wait till the next time she sees him and make this nothing to do with tuesdays hissy fit, cos it isn't about that.

OP posts:
frumpygrumpy · 11/04/2007 15:54

DO IT NOW. While the flowers are fresh. Its a good path into it.

frumpygrumpy · 11/04/2007 15:56

Was the hissy fit was the straw that broke the camels back? I what you suggested sounds perfect, deliver it quickly and keep the agony on both parts short. Like leg waxing

Then, as I just suggested on another thread, tell her to hack the hard skin off her heels and polish that body for the next round

Original poster
TeeCee · 11/04/2007 15:57

oh my god.

She just sent me an email he sent her.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I don't want her to do it now.

I feel so bad for him, the email was so lovley and so full of hope for their future and ...oh noooooooooooo

OP posts:
lou33 · 11/04/2007 16:01

i'd just tell him that although she is fond of him, she thinks it's time to call it a day, as she just cant see herself and him going anywhere

and she didnt want to play it along, and maybe ending up seeing someone else she preferred on the side ,and it all getting messy

make it sound like she is doing him a big favour

i had to do something v similar v recently to an overly attached friend of mine, tho i had to do it my email

he got the hint and emailed back saying

goodbye lou

fireflyfairy2 · 11/04/2007 16:01

Oh dear

Joking!!!

frumpygrumpy · 11/04/2007 16:02

Its like ripping off a 1970's plaster (cos they don't hurt now do they )......it is still going to happen.......

Boco · 11/04/2007 16:03

How about

'Look, this relationship is the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me, i think we should get married, but first, i need to tell you something ok? Well, i'm a member of The Holy Band of Joyful Purple Worshipping Love Spirits. We believe that our time on earth is limited, and soon we'll be whisked off to our real planet, so we must give all our money to our Master Father Ike, and once we're married, we'll live a humble existence of servitude together, and obviously we'll both have to give ourselves to the Leader in every earthly way, ok? I just knew you'd understand! Shall i move in now? Shall i book the church? Shall i shall i?

God i've used that one LOADS.

Original poster
TeeCee · 11/04/2007 16:03

I'll ask her if I can let you see it.

OP posts:
lou33 · 11/04/2007 16:04

she could say she is pg

and it isnt his