Not sure if I love DH anymore

[bendtheknee]

I have started this thread before, but I think I started it in the wrong place. Here goes again..

I’ve been married just over a year, I don’t know whether I’m finally ‘settling’ into married life now the excitement of being newlyweds has worn off.

But for a little while now, Ive felt like I’m no longer in love with DH. I think I was caught up in the proposal and wedding excitement and now I’m not sure. He’s done things to hurt the relationship (lied about money and certain friendships) which means I’ve started to resent him a little.

I find myself getting annoyed at everything he does, if he takes a little long in doing something I find myself getting irrationally angry and I’m not even sure why. We bicker almost all the time and it’s just so emotionally draining.

I’ve been very upset and conflicted with all these feelings recently and finally told DH about it. How I feel like I’m living this double life, one where I don’t like him and one where we get along. He said he’d noticed over the last 2/3 months I’ve been very cold with him and just generally off. He got very emotional and basically begged me not leave him.

I’m not sure what to do. DH is a nice guy, one of the best, he’s an awesome friend and we have such a laugh together. I’m just not sure I love him. He says his life will be ruined if I leave him. And I feel so so guilty. Could this just be us settling in to married life? Or could it actually be that I don’t love him anymore?

I’m so conflicted, so messed up about it in my head and I feel like I can’t vocalise it or tell anyone in real life as that would be making it actually real that I’m contemplating divorce after just one year.

I’m 28 and DP is 2 years older than me.

Some of the debt is from simply living beyond his means, he’s had the debt a while now. About 4K is wedding costs which I didn’t know were going on a credit card, he always made me think he had cash for it.

Yep we’ve both lived alone before, at uni etc before we knew each other. We’ve both been in long term relationships before. I honestly think if this was someone I was just ‘in a relationship’ with I would have ended it by now, just from the bickering and not getting along.

The car he got new as he got free insurance on this and rather than paying over the odds for insurance on an older car he got this. Which financially worked out better at the time.

Ok, so he’s got debt for no real reason, other than living beyond his means. That is a real worry. No wonder you are angry & resentful, and are starting to lose respect for him. How would you feel about living like this in your 40’s or 50’s? (Crap financial management is often a way of life).

Is he prepared to sell his car once the insurance deal expires? It would be interesting to see how much he is prepared to compromise to pay I’d debt off. It sounds like you are sacrificing a lot (eg no money for haircuts) - is he?

I remember your last post about the debt and frankly you're being disingenuous here.

It's NOT all his debt you contributed to it too AND you insisted on a ridiculously expensive wedding that you should've known you couldn't afford.

You were also clearly more about the wedding than the marriage and came across as quite immature.

Do him a favour and leave him.

@Graphista sorry but I think you misunderstood. Not that I want so much information about my life on here. DH is 15k in debt. 10k of that is living beyond his means, some of this before we even met, on things like petrol, going out with his friends, but stuff that simply added up and got out of control. 1k on a stupidly large telly I had no idea he was buying. 1k wedding, and 3k on flights for our honeymoon which he led me to believe it was his own money he was using to pay for them.

I spent a lot of money on my wedding yes. But it was MY money. No one else’s. I saved for it. Didn’t get in to any debt for it. I had a wedding I could afford. I had no idea at the time DH couldn’t afford it.

This thread is also not about DH being in debt. It’s something which could be rehashed time and time again and I don’t want to make this thread all about that again. I simply came on here to look for advice about another issue and mentioned the debt to try and explain some of my feelings.

I still think you should leave him, clear to me you don't love him and based on this and the way you were on other post I'm not sure you ever did.

It's easy to be with someone a long time and marry as the seeming natural next step but it isn't always right.

Definitely needs sorted before any dc on the scene, which I recall you're keen to have soon.