Tell me your thoughts on this scenario

[WWYD2016]

DH and I have decided to seperate, but financially cannot afford to. There is a brick structure in our garden and it'd cost approx £9k I reckon to make it a habitable studio.

We have 3 DC 8, 10 & 12.

DH and I are very amicable and get on but our marital relationship is over.

In real and practical terms what do you think day to day family life might look like with DH living in the garden?

Good lord, no! How fucking weird for your children?! Sell up and buy two smaller places.

What would happen if/when you eventually met other people?

That’s usually the stumbling block for couples ‘separated under the same roof’ (or near enough).

sad,

how long would you live like this op?

No do not do this, I'd be putting that 9K to far better use. Besides which I did not think people were allowed to live in a "bed in sheds" type situation as its illegal.

If you are separating then you both need to make a clean break of it and not have this arrangement in place as it will just send the children mixed messages.

How do we separate if we cannot run two households, at least one in the area our children go to school?

Is only one of you working?

If you can’t afford it, you can’t afford it. But that’s not what I’d be spending 9k on.

Keep saving until you can afford it.

How far away would you have to move?

Still, moving away and changing schools would be less messy than having an ex living in the garden.

It’s not a realistic situation. Downsize.

One of you can move into a small flat or something.

The set up you've suggested sounds hellish.

Cut back and adjust lifestyles. Ex tucked away in the garden will be a disaster and an expensive one

Would you really get on if he got a girlfriend? Or if you found a boyfriend? How would you move your lives on?

If you think you guys can do it then you don't need strangers opinions. Far weirder situations have worked out.

I think it could work if you are amicable and feel ok about dating other people. You might have to lay down some ground rules but I have known situations similar to this work over many years and as the kids are adults now it's all still amicable.
Perhaps if you tired it for a bit you could have a review after a while to see how things are going. Open and honest communication is the key to this working.

Can you reach the shed without going through the house?

I know this is a serious thread, but I can't imagine being invited back to a man's shed after a night out.

It's not unheard of and happens a lot. I respect that you're trying to keep the children from having to move home and schools. I also think it's an awkward situation to navigate. The garden shed is not that far from the house, you will still be in each other's back pockets. If either of you has a wobbly day or a first liaison or family to visit then there's a lot of emotion to navigate. My oh and I lived together for ages before living separately. I don't know what he got up to but our home life was much the same as housemates who've aged to stop arguing. When family came around it was like nothing much had changed. I didn't feel able to live as single until he left.

Fuck no. That is just too weird for your kids. "Daddy lives in the garden shed"

And yes Cresit makes a good point. Either of you might meet someone else and it's just so weird to have that scenario to deal with for everyone.

You said you can't afford it, do you both work?

jeaux that made me laugh so hard!!

It's tricky, selling one larger property doesn't equate to two smaller properties. I'm not sure it's the best solution but if it's the only way to separate then you don't have much choice. I know a few couples who are tied by finances and I feel sorry for them, it's a really difficult situation.

Of course you can afford it. It might mean renting and massively downsizing but you can afford it.

Why would he be the one in the shed btw?

Would you not need planning permission for change of use? Would you be likely to get it?

I have a brick building at the end of my garden, looks like a little bungalow would be perfect to live in as has central heating and double glazing.

Would be weird as fuck for my oh to live in it though.

If you're going to do up the shed, better to both live in the house and use the shed as the shag pad for when you both start being people home.

No - it's not sustainable and would be a waste of £9K. And bear in mind that if you make it habitable with water and electricity you're probably going to get hit for around £1000 a year council tax on it!

You downsize that's how you do it. Typically the one who has the children less of the time downsizes more. Have you spoken to a solicitor yet?