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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Insults... He called me a "bitch" (jokingly)

34 replies

Lovebeingamummy77 · 14/10/2017 00:42

My boyf "jokingly" has now on a few occasions called me a "greedy bitch".. latest this eve.. we had takeaway and i finished my plate (he said wow im impressed you ate all that!.. you greedy bitch!"..

hes said this b4 a few weeks ago.. similar type thing .. food related.. (he offered me a crisp.. i took 2.. he gasped and said "you greedy bitch!!".. hes said its said in jest.. a joke. Ive told him i dont find it funny. He even questionned me.. is it the word greedy or word bitch that you dont like.

I once forgot to send an email reply to someone and mentionned to him. He said "oh do you think theyre thinking 'stupid bitch'".

I just find it derogatory.. not funny as he sees it. Now if we watch a film and there is ref to a "bitch" he asks me if i feel insulted!! So i end up feeling over sensitive. Am i over reacting? I know its up to ME how i feel but intetested in hoe others sould feel please??

OP posts:

Slaylormoon · 14/10/2017 00:47

You're not over sensitive, next tine he calls you a greedy anything you should ask him if anyone ever taught him that it's basic manners not to comment on how much someone eats! I find it infuriating, and the fact he hasn't just apologised, stopped doing it and let it go seems to suggest he's quite immature.

He might think he's funny asking you if you're offended, but it's definitely also him making fun of you and imo if you know something upsets someone and you keep making jokes towards it you're an arse and a bit of a bully.

Rescuepuppydaft2 · 14/10/2017 00:48

You are not overreacting! I could not be with a man who used such derogatory language toward me! He doesn't respect women and he doesn't respect you! Despite you making it clear how derogatory and disrespectful you find his language he continues to treat you like dirt! He doesn't deserve the dirt on your shoes! You deserve so much better!

Ifearthecold · 14/10/2017 00:51

I wouldn't like either word and wouldn't be okay with DH using either of them! Stand your ground on this one, he's not funny just a disrespectful arse.

TiesThatBindMe · 14/10/2017 00:51

I'd call him a stupid cunt and see how he likes it.

Myheartbelongsto · 14/10/2017 00:51

What a fuckin pig.

Original poster

Lovebeingamummy77 · 14/10/2017 01:17

Thx everyone. Slay your post was partivulatly helpful.. thsts ecctly how i see it.. glad im not "being silly"/ over reacting... the whole .. asking me re tv programme joje insults is like hes trying to belittle my views (almost mild bullying in a way)

OP posts:

Slaylormoon · 14/10/2017 01:19

Glad I could reassure you OP :) it's never unreasonable to expect people who are supposed to love us, not to make jokes at our expense. Especially after we've pointed it out.

Original poster

Lovebeingamummy77 · 14/10/2017 01:24

Yes thats exactly it! The odd "joke" like this in the estlier stages when you dont know each other/testing boundaries is maybe ok but once youre aware they dont like it/find it insulting you should stop out of respect! .. i just dont get it.. hes said he cant change his character/sense humour etc altho he said he'd "try to stop"... but couldnt promise :-/

OP posts:

Slaylormoon · 14/10/2017 01:48

Yes saying 'I need you to change your sense of humour' would be unreasonable. Some people have a naturally macabre sense of humour for instance which can't always be helped, [even then i would argue comedic timing is important but we all make mistakes sometimes!]

BUT, you haven't said that! You've said, please don't insult me, in this very specific way, it hurts my feelings. He can't promise he won't call you a name on purpose that upsets you? 'try to stop'?

If someone I was dating told me I was upsetting them repeatedly by making the same comment, I'd be mortified and would never say it again, and if it slipped out i would apologise profusely. I think most people would fall into that category. You're not unreasonable to want to be respected, and nobody should try to mock your boundaries.

category12 · 14/10/2017 06:45

Basically he's putting you down and expecting you to accept it by making out it's you being sensitive or humourless. Nip it in the bud now or it'll be the norm.

Shoxfordian · 14/10/2017 06:47

He can't change his character? Ok....... but you can change how much you see of it. Ltb

EnidColeslaw771 · 14/10/2017 06:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ruddygreattiger2016 · 14/10/2017 07:28

You have asked him to stop and he still does it. That clearly tells you what he thinks of you and your standards.

Call him a stupid twat, jokingly of course.

Then dump. He sounds like a fucking idiot.

NerdyBird · 14/10/2017 08:41

I've never had any boyfriend say things like this to me, joking or not. I don't think it's a great sign.

KarateKitten · 14/10/2017 08:45

He's trying to make a joke of the fact that he doesn't like to see a girl eating and enjoying a big plate of food. I guarantee once the honeymoon period is over he'll be a lot more direct about telling you how he wants you to be and behave.

Get out now.

NameChange30 · 14/10/2017 08:48

Why are you still dating him?
If he is already behaving like this it won't be long before he is full blow emotionally abusive.
Don't sleepwalk right into it.

Onecall · 14/10/2017 08:49

I wouldn't personally like it.

Cambionome · 14/10/2017 08:52

He'll try to stop insulting you by calling you a bitch, but can't promise he'll be able to...?
What a prince!

SoupDragon · 14/10/2017 08:56

I wouldn't have a problem with it as a joke but this is not a joke. He is carrying with it despite you saying you don't find it funny. He's being a dickhead.

monkeywithacowface · 14/10/2017 08:58

He's not going to stop because a) he thinks it's acceptable and b) he doesn't care that you don't like it.

Guess the question is what are you going to do? This type of behaviour only tends to go in one direction. He's told you who is will you listen?

AttilaTheMeerkat · 14/10/2017 08:58

And you are with this person because....

And you are with this man because.....

Is this person all you think you actually deserve; this man only loves his own stupid plank self.

Sounsure777 · 14/10/2017 09:00

Thanks everyone. Yes i agree the bigger issue is almost that ive said i dont like it yet he did it again. Hes also made other secist jokes re women in kitchen etc. Again i said some may be ok with that hunour but im not .. i dont like it pls stop. Again he said he couldnt promise but that he would "try not to"... :-/

ShortArsex · 14/10/2017 09:04

Call him a ugly cunt see how he feels

category12 · 14/10/2017 09:34

He's telling you exactly what he thinks under the cover of "jokes". I wouldn't fool yourself that he's not really like that. Do you want to be with someone with those sexist attitudes and nasty "sense of humour" at your expense?

Ohyesiam · 14/10/2017 09:48

I hate the word bitch. Am really happy with swearing in general, but there is something so offensive about that weird. It is so demeaning.
If he doesn't get this, what other important stuff is he not going to understand? The whole not apologising and not taking on what you've said would be a real deal breaker for me.

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