Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

lost the lust for DH in dying marriage and head is being turned

29 replies

ellenwests · 12/10/2017 22:30

Long time lurker and fully prepared for a bit of a backlash but really need to talk,
been married 17 years, ups and downs like everybody, but I just probably in the last year have lost the feelings i had for DH. Sex has become just a bit of a duty to keep him happy, dont really enjoy it or feel relaxed anymore and if i totally honest dont really fancy him. At work there are so many younger guys who are fun and single and love a good laugh and i cant help but lust after a couple of really cute colleagues. I fantasize a lot about having a fling with them and feel that if they showed any interest beyond the banter and innuendo I would cave and more than likely let them do whatever. DH and I are in a very rocky place and have been for some time and I am not sure if I want or he wants us to continue much longer.
Am I being ridiculous or is this maybe not normal but something that happens.... as i said fully prepared for a lecture if i am wrong

OP posts:
serialcheat · 12/10/2017 22:46

Children !?

I'm guessing you are heading towards 40..... FAST......

The young men may enjoy the banter with you because they see you as a ' Mother figure ' and can trust and confide in you.......

If you came on to them, you could be in for a fall, unless your standards or desperate need for a younger man, are quite low......

You are looking for validation of yourself in the wrong direction......

If you were a man posting such a letter, you'd be flamed......

serialcheat · 12/10/2017 22:49

But good luck in whichever path you choose......

But have an honest conversation with your husband..... There maybe a handful of stunning, available twenty something's at HIS work place that HE could easily hook up with....

Aquamarine1029 · 13/10/2017 02:34

You are in no way ridiculous. You're a human being who craves affection and passion. That being said, I do not think you should cheat on your husband. If your marital relationship is over, then end it and move on.

TiesThatBindMe · 13/10/2017 02:41

You're a man aren't you? It's just that lusting after 'a couple of really cute colleagues' sort of gave it away. Fuck off.

serialcheat · 13/10/2017 02:49

Ties

It is a bit ' trollish ' isn't it....,.

😗

TiesThatBindMe · 13/10/2017 02:54

First line is usually either 'long time lurker' or 'namechanged for this'. Sick of reading this shite to be honest lol. Gombeens.

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/10/2017 03:30

You're a man aren't you? It's just that lusting after 'a couple of really cute colleagues' sort of gave it away. Fuck off.

Nah, "banter" did.

FritzDonovan · 13/10/2017 03:40

Yep. Sounds like a man to me too. Hi dh.

FritzDonovan · 13/10/2017 03:57

Also, you're still not being honest, are you, if you have been feeling this and not discussing it. What would YOU say has caused this rocky place, 'ellen'?

Girlintheframe · 13/10/2017 06:02

Wow! Why does it matter what sex the OP is? Why does the advice differ if your a man or a woman? Sometimes MN is just plain nasty!

Wether your male or female OP you must end your marriage BEFORE you move on. Talk to your partner and consider all the options. Remember the grass may appear greener but it rarely is.

JamieFrasersArse · 13/10/2017 06:16

I'm guessing you are heading towards 40..... FAST....The young men may enjoy the banter with you because they see you as a ' Mother figure

Yeah because 40yo women can ONLY be looked at maternally by hyounger men Hmm

PaintingByNumbers · 13/10/2017 06:23

Sounds really common in a long marriage, but just a year of it sounds salvageable if thats what you both want? Why.not ask your dh how he feels and take.things from there? As that is obvious advice, I wonder what is stopping you?

And ignore the idiot poster who thinks 40 yr.old women are only maternal figures. Lol to that. Ever asked men in their twenties? Many like that older woman fantasy.

Chimchar · 13/10/2017 06:44

“The grass is greener where you water it most” op.
It sounds like you need a boost and a bit of a break from the hum drum of everyday life.

Is there any chance you and your dh can do some things together to remind you why you got together in the first place? I’m guessing you’ll know more by the end of a few ‘dates’ with him if there is a glimmer of hope for your relationship, and you want to stay with him... if you still don’t, then look at separating, but do that first before having a casual fling with a colleague.

I wish you well. BrewCake

RainyApril · 13/10/2017 06:50

If you want your marriage to recover, tell your dh so that you can make changes or seek counselling.

If you don't, tell him so that he has some warning that the writing's on the wall and can start making his own plans.

Either way, talk to the man you once loved enough to marry and wait until you're single to see whether any of your work colleagues are interested.

serialcheat · 13/10/2017 07:05

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

serialcheat · 13/10/2017 07:06

Has = had

serialcheat · 13/10/2017 07:19

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

PaintingByNumbers · 13/10/2017 07:21

Oh sorry,so much irony yes, they.think she is a mother figure, irony, obvs, cant see why I didnt get that was ironic, plus the part about how she'll only pull one of them if she has really low standards, or they will just turn her down, what with her being a haggard forty year old mother. Ironic as fuck, obvs, now you point it out.

PrimalLass · 13/10/2017 07:30

Most women would word a post much more intelligently than Op's

From the one who does ........... after every sentence.

OP, what you've said is pretty normal.

PaintingByNumbers · 13/10/2017 07:31

So different from the usual ageist sexist shit you get about forty year old women fancying younger men ...
And wtf is with all the troll hunting shite these days? Is that why there are so many.dick comments now? Who cares if it might be a reverse, or even, shock, not true? Does that make ageist sexist comments okay now?

Footle · 13/10/2017 07:37

Serialcheat’s punctuation has made my eyes itch.

FritzDonovan · 13/10/2017 07:44

Who cares if it might be a reverse, or even, shock, not true? Does that make ageist sexist comments okay now?
ERM, no. Who said it did? Just because one person made a comment that you read as ageist and sexist, doesn't mean everyone who thinks it's a male rather than female poster says ageist/sexist comments are great.
Personally, I think a long term lurking female would have read many such threads and would have mentioned whether DC were involved or not. Also wouldn't have used the same terminology. Advice is still the same whether male or female 'man up' and be honest with your partner. Don't be a cheating dick.

Isetan · 13/10/2017 07:56

You want a free pass, the ‘rocky’ marriage is just your justification for it. Your marriage won’t get better on its own, especially when you’re giving so much headspace to your fantasies.

Piss or get off the pot.

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 13/10/2017 07:59

I'd advise exploring whether your marriage is worth saving. If it really isn't then you need to walk away.

Jack50517 · 16/10/2017 11:50

From a man who is currently on the other side of this type of situation, you will possibly humiliate yourself and him in equal measure, sadly.