Why do I hate the thought of dating?

[Farontothemaddingcrowd]

I would love a relationship one day. But I've been let down so many times that I've become disllusioned. I've had a long relationship when he fell out of love and three short relationships where they all lost interest. The dating scene seems full of evasive and disingenuous people.
I'm done. But it's sad really as I do think I'd be a good partner for someone. I only feel dread though, when I think of ever dating again. I am too tired. I also feel v protective of myself right now. I guess I may not always feel this way. Anyone else feel like this?

I'm 25 and given up on men.

The ones in my age range are only after sex or don't want to date a single mum.

It is interesting though - it seems both men and women have almost an Argos Catalogue (rather than the sweetshop) mentality about - you have an exact list of criteria and expect that.

I'm 43. When I did it, I searched for men 5 years older and 2 years younger. I didn't contact/reply to anyone whose upper age limit was lower than their own age or someone who, for example, was 45 and looking for an 18-50 year old.

I think a lot of women put "fill in later" because we are told that the men don't read the profile and only go on photos. Lots of men just put "Who reads this bit anyway?" as their profile description. Well me, I did.

I think my profile was pretty good- it was honest and I was looking for men between 5'6 and 5'10 (6ft+ is too intimidating and I have to stand on my tiptoes to talk in the pub or kiss!) I can only assume it was my face or my interests that put men off!

Xylo don't give up yet! You're still young enough to meet someone decent.

Most of the men my age are looking for you!

(I know, I know, you don't want someone my age. Tell me about it, mostly I don't either!)

I would never message somebody who didn't have a profile filled in - I wasn't looking for somebody purely based on looks so if all they had was photos, then that's not good enough.

Even if they did have a profile, if half their photos were them in their underwear, they also wouldn't hear from me.

Really, Failing?

That's really interesting. I always assumed that men weren't interested in me precisely because they were looking for women who were happy to photograph themselves in their underwear!

Funny isn't it? There clearly are decent men and women doing it. It just isn't always easy to find them.

I’m loving OLD at the moment. I’m 44 and having some nice chats with lots of guys, some more interesting than others, some better looking than others. I know you can’t tell anything until you meet them, but I’m not looking for the big love of my life. I had that twice (or so I thought) and it broke me each time. For now I just want a big male body to hug, someone to tell me I’m pretty and the odd night out. My current fave is a beautiful 34 yo and even if I get as far as a coffee and a hug with him I’ll die happy

It is surprising how many have commented on my profile details as well, definitely worth filling in. Bit of humour and show that you can string a sentence together and you will probably find the calibre of bloke you attract goes up!

I think it's area dependent

I agree with it being area dependent. If it is a numbers game, then you're going to have better luck if you live in a city than if you live in more rural areas.

And also how far you/he are willing to travel. I’m not up for a LDR so put in 10 mile radius. Still finding lots of nice men. Must be a good area!

Or I’m not picky enough

Should stress I haven’t actually met up with any of them yet so reserving judgment, but last time I did POF I had 4 or 5 good dates and ended up with DP for 5 years.

What Smeaton said with emphasis on them not having to put in any effort whatsoever though, to be fair, women do cop it the other end with all the filtering they have to do to discard the losers, weirdos and pervs.

One week back on POF and I've viewed 417 female profiles. From that I only found 14 worth messaging. 10 replied but only 2 could manage a coherent conversation. Neither had a sense of humour.

But then I may just be too fussy.

I totally concur with Smeaton. OLD favours the women. Having discussed it and looked at things from both sides with my female friends, they also believe they have a far better time of it than men.

Totally disagree Smeaton!

I got 3-5 emails a day, including the "hi" and "howz u" ones. I was rarely if ever contacted by anyone who made any more effort than that.

PJs But you were getting 3-5 emails per day, presumably unsolicited (ie, messaging you out of the blue, not replying to you). Most men I know don't get that number in a MONTH.

I get the impression that online dating in the UK is very different to online dating in eastern Germany :) So many people my age here think the internet is the work of the devil, I guess... far fewer messages at all, good or bad.

Isn't the fact that men tend to write first just to do with the traditional idea that the man has to do the wooing? I wrote to maybe three men who hadn't contacted me, and none wrote back. (I wondered if they were even real profiles, too good looking!) But I did kind of assume that mostly it would be the other way round.

I'm not sure it favours the men. I know a couple of girls who use it and although they get plenty of contact, filtering it to find men who don't just want sex - or send dick pics asap, that can converse and they fancy isn't easy.
Men have to make most of the contact, and will often be ignored - but at least most of the women seem genuine (in my experience anyway)