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Original poster

Right now I really really hate my MIL

29 replies

LowFatMilkshake · 10/04/2007 20:10

She is the most miserable sour old cow I know right this very minute. She doesnt want to visit us until DS chicken pox have all dried up in case she gets shingles. Despite me telling her my GP has reassured me DS will not be contagious 7 days after the intial outbreak of spots. She spoke to me like I was dirt on her shoe and the rest of her family may tolerate it but I will not!

She did'nt even ask how DS (which is just 17 weeks old) is coping, or even seem moved that he has them in his eyes etc - she just said it's part of childhood. Despite the fact my GP said he had never seen them in a baby so young and what a bad outbreak it was.

My poor little man is covered in calamine and dosed up as much as possible with medised to sooth the itching, he looks just awful - although always has a smile for his mummy.

And my DD is desperate to see her GP's and all this old cow can think about is herself. She seems to think she is the only person in the world who has shingles. She's not happy unless she is ill and getting attention from everyone. I have totally had it. I am not inviting her here again and I will not be stepping foot in her house again. If we go there DH will have to take the GC's to her himself I will not have my children passed over and I will not be spoken to like dirt.

My DC's are not looked upon very favourably by her and I am sick of it. She has 4 DG's and she should treat them all the same. But no if my DD does something good it's because she is older than the others. If she does something bad the others never do it.

DH and I are almost arguing over it as her poisonous ways seem to be geting to other people in his to the point where FIL has snapped at his own DD a couple of times. Ohhhhhhhhh

Sorry rant over.

OP posts:

Original poster

LowFatMilkshake · 10/04/2007 20:11

Sorry so angry - should have said (who is 17 weeks old) not 'which'

OP posts:

Carmenere · 10/04/2007 20:11

Old people can not catch shingles from kids with chicken pox but kids can catch chicken pox from old people with shingles.

WigWamBam · 10/04/2007 20:13

You can't catch chicken pox from shingles, it's the other way round. So she's in no danger from your ds at all.

But it really doesn't sound as if you're missing out on anything by not seeing her. She sounds like an awful woman.

Original poster

LowFatMilkshake · 10/04/2007 20:13

Sorry again thats DH family and FIL own DF (DD is daughter not dad)
Good grief she makes me mad!

OP posts:

LucyJones · 10/04/2007 20:15

It sounds like a blessing in disguise. My 6 month od has just had really bad chcken pox and there is no way I would have wanted to be any where other than home

vitomum · 10/04/2007 20:15

i'm sorry that you ds is haviang such a rotten time. poor wee bab. i know older people do get quite anxious about being exposed to some of these childhood illnesses but it sounds as though there is a lot more going on here too

Carmenere · 10/04/2007 20:17

Lucky escape LFM. Steer clear of her and let dh bring the kids to see her. there is no reason in the world why you should subject yourself to her vitriol.

Original poster

LowFatMilkshake · 10/04/2007 21:06

Thanks all, it seems FIL is now getting fed up of being stuck in the middle, and is snapping at everyone because she is putting pressure on him. He can see what's going on as the rest of the family keep telling him stuff she's said and done, but I guess she's his wife and you can't blame a man for standing by his wife - even though she's being an old boot!

OP posts:

Hassled · 10/04/2007 21:16

You absolutely, definately, cannot catch shingles from chicken pox - once you've had chicken pos, the virus lies dormant in your body unless it's reactivated by something like stress, or just being old and having a weaker immune system, and then you get shingles. We were once barred from Christmas at the in-laws when DS2 had chicken pox "in case they caught shingles"

Original poster

LowFatMilkshake · 11/04/2007 11:12

Well Hassled that's what I thought too and had seen confirmed on the net. Then I read something to the contrary also on the net and my GP said it was catchable!

But at the stage my son is at he is only contagious if touched. So theycould come for the sake of my DD if noting else - she is desperate to see her GP's

Also while at the GPs today for something difrent the doctor saw my son and told me that yesterday an 18mnth old baby from our practice had died because of chicken pox . The poor family - to think we all usually encourage our children to get CP! And of course I am now totally paranoid as my DS is only 4 months!

OP posts:

custy · 11/04/2007 11:17

i thought something along the lines of the chicken pox diectly from hand to open sore = shingles.

anyway - the point is shingles is a debilitating and seriously painful disease especially for older people.

she may be a spiteful old fucker - but if she genuinley thought there was a chance of becoming seriously ill this way - then i think thats quite reasonable of her.

if she speaks to you like shit and favours other grandchildren then obv you have my sympathy.

but the shingles thing - on her part i can fully understand.

BandofMothers · 11/04/2007 11:18

What a horrible old woman. My dd2 had the pox at 6 wks old. Not in eyes tho. Hope he's ok.
To be fair tho you have been assured she can't catch it, I can't blame her for not wanting to risk it as Shingles has been known to killl older people, or weaken them to a point they never recover from.
Still no excuse to speak to you like that tho. It could have been worded diplomatically and politely.
M y MIL is like that. Says things in such a nasty tone of voice that I fel like slapping her, or walking out.

lemonaid · 11/04/2007 11:22

I have a friend whose 15 month old DS died from chicken pox (don't usually mention it to people whose LOs have the pox, for obvious reasons, but since you've already had it mentioned...). It is very rare, though something like 6 total deaths a year in the UK, I think, and I don't think it's particularly related to age so your DS isn't at any greater risk. The poor little mite, though I hope he's on the mend soon.

Original poster

LowFatMilkshake · 11/04/2007 11:22

She truly is an old cow soetimes. even my FIL has told her she has a sour face sometimes! I used to think he was the unreasonable one - but now I can see they are well suited!

TBH if not for my DD loving her GP's I would tel them where to go, but they are the only GP's she has left and I want her to have a relationship with them. Might be time to remind them that children only get excited by GP's visits for so long before they'd rather go out with their chums instead!

I dont want her to get shingles honestly but considering I have had medical reassurance I can't help but think she is using it as a delay tactic!

OP posts:

Tiggiwinkle · 11/04/2007 11:23

To repeat what has already been said-you absolutely CANNOT catch shingles from chicken pox, only the other way around!

Original poster

LowFatMilkshake · 11/04/2007 11:26

Lemonaid - xposts

I want to know more about this so I know what to watch for but my doc said the whole practice is in shock considering the child had been seen 3 days earlier and was spotty yet lively!

My DS seems fine in himself, although I hate changing him in case I scratch a spot etc. Most spots are starting to scab, but all round his bottom and bits they were still watery blisters this moring.

OP posts:

cathcart · 11/04/2007 11:32

how infuriating for you! however, i think you should just ignore her if you can - why do you want 'this old cow' to visit anyway? I knowe there is the priciple behind it but your lo gets all the love he needs from you and the rest of the family. try not to let it come between you and dh - after all he can't be responsible for her actions and even if he doesn't agree with what she does/says he is bound to be defensive of his mum.

lemonaid · 11/04/2007 11:35

There really wasn't much to watch for. IIRC he was absolutely fine (well, spotty, but generally happy and fine in himself) then suddenly collapsed in the middle of breakfast and was dead (or at least never regained consciousness) by the time they got to hospital even though they set off immediately. Basically (as I remember it, and I may be talking rubbish here) the infection can spread to the brain in some way and that's when it can be fatal, but it's also very quick with no early symptoms.

Chicken pox is going round at DS's nursery now, so I'm particularly paranoid, but I keep reminding myself that it's very very very very rare for anything like that to happen. I think you're much much more likely to be struck by lightening, for example.

BandofMothers · 11/04/2007 11:36

LFM, does she then, not enjoy visits from her gdc's???

PussinWellies · 11/04/2007 11:38

Hi LFMS,
My middle child had suspected encephalitis as a complication of chickenpox. He had the first outbreak, seemed to be on the way back to health after a week, then suddenly his temperature went through the roof (104, according to my dodgy thermometer, but SLIGHTLY lower according to the emergency doctor, possibly because we drove him there through the only heavy snowfall for years). He's fine, but he was a very sick bunny for a couple of days. I'd say keep checking temperature for a week to ten days after spots appear, as we were told that's a fairly typical pattern.

Most kids are just fine. My other two had the same round of chicken pox with no bother other than the itchiness.

Original poster

LowFatMilkshake · 11/04/2007 11:39

Sorry BoM not sure I uderstand question - abreviations often baffle me

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BandofMothers · 11/04/2007 11:41

Doesn't she enjoy visit's from your dc's. your children???

Original poster

LowFatMilkshake · 11/04/2007 11:47

Well when they are babies and she can just hold them she loves it, esp as she gives no one else a look in! But as they get older and want to play in the garden, go to the park etc or even just play with a game or toys on the floor it's too much trouble. She will only play with my DD now if they sit up at the tale - as you can imagine my 3yr old DD thinks this is riveting!
She's still in her 50's so she's not exactly old, creaky and unable to bend!!!

She also complains we never go to see them - we do but it's easier for them to come to us than us to travel 2 ours with our LO's in the car. But even when we arrange to see them she never gets anything in for the DC's no squash or child friendly food etc. DD is expected to have ham or cheese sandwhiches - and she not the easiest of eaters at the best of times. Also FIL continues to watch sport on the telly instead of putting on childrens shows for DD so she's really really bored and runs up and down the room and gets told off as it's dangerous!

OP posts:

themoon66 · 11/04/2007 11:48

My own mother refused to have anything to do with us when DS (11 months) had chicken pox, despite me showing her evidence that shingles is NOT caught from chicken pox.

A child who has never had chickenpox can catch it from a person with shingles. Shingles is not a catchable illness.. it is the chickenpox virus that lies dormant in the body until you get run down, and then it can resurface as shingles.

BandofMothers · 11/04/2007 11:52

I would let her know how you feel, re what you just posted to me, and say you wont visit them for her to be bored and get told off. If they want to see them they can caom toyou where they have all their toys to play with and fil can't watch telly.

And don't feel bad. your dd might love them, but she wont really care about not going will she???
My dd1 is 3.4 and asks to go sometimes but is easily distracted with something fun.

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