I've been lied to about the cost

[catsanddogsfightless]

DH had some car repairs done to his absolute pride and joy. We're not talking a standard runaround car here. I knew the repairs were likely to be costly and I asked approx how much on the day he collected the car.I asked him what does the bill total start with? DH told me it was a lot.I said 'yes I know, but what number does it start with'? He said 'a 4'. We are talking thousands. I accepted that and thought oh well it isn't like he spends that very often and hopefully there'll be no more of that. A couple of days ago I went peering through statements and invoices when he was out. There is no way I expected to see what I did. The total invoices added up to more than twice the figure he admitted to. WWYD? The invoices were very very well filed and put away in a folder inside a cupboard that is actually used for DH's clothes. I would not have seen any of them by accident.

OP, your last post says it all. You don't even communicate enough to know when he is working, and you can't get the boiler serviced because you don't have a key to the garage? I honestly think you will be happier if you are apart.

Why are you complaining about being second best to his car when he was second best to another man?

He was too gutless to end it when he should have done.

You're both too scared / passive to end it now. At least you were - sounds like the straw has broken the camel's back, so go see a solicitor.

You need to put yourself first and start making big plans quietly to leave.

He is destroying your life no matter what has happened in the marriage he has carried on for at least 7years making you pay one way or the other.

You are going to struggle to come to an agreement with him over the divorce but to be honest the best thing for you is to find your own place and get away from this passive aggressive PITA!

The blinking car will be considered a marital asset, so probably good to be able to show the work done has increased its value. Honestly I’d start collating as much info as possible now then see a lawyer

He ought to have fobbed you off better, if he really didn't want to say. However, (a) can you afford it? And (b) is this characteristic of your communications with him? Maybe you need to either develop more equality, so he doesn't do things like this without consulting you, or allow him to not-want to talk about certain things, and to have that be ok. The answer will depend on your relationship!

Oh, I'm so sorry about my cross-post! Yes, this sounds poisonous. You need to end it.

god this sounds so grim and destructive and poisonous.
if you had an affair that long ago and he is still punishing you, then he wants to punish you. He would rather cut off his nose to spite his face.

People do get over affairs, but they both have to want to work at it.

You need to get out. You only have one life, don't be a martyr

whether you find someone else or not, at least you won't be walking on eggshells.

I really struggle to understand people who would rather stay after an affair and just spend years punishing the other person for it, it's so utterly pointless.

I was only looking for evidence of him squirreling money away that he might not have told me about.

Oh come on. Leave the poor sod. You are clearly lining up the ducks to leave him. You are snooping for financial gain. Time to go. Have some self respect.