Urgent advice needed re crazy date

[strartingtotry]

So I had a date with a guy on Friday got on very well (so I thought) I had way too much to drink and ended up taking him home and having sex. We didn't sleep all night and in the morning i stared noticing him saying weird things that made me think he was controlling and was talking about us as if we were in a relationship and it was all way too full on. It took me hours to get him to leave and I was abit freaked out by his behavior. He even suggested us meeting up with my child and his kids (I would never take my child to meet a man I have met once before). Honestly his behavior was very strange. He even talked about marriage and what if we fall in love and all this kind of thing.

Anyway yesterday I told him I don't think it's a good idea to meet up again, he asked why and I was quiet honest and said he said a few things that seemed controlling and was full on. He replied this morning saying "thanks for being honest x "

Anyway I have now just had the following text from him:

Hey, good morning.....ive got a super red raw sore throat, please please don't take this the wrong way but I went down on you, could it be because of that? I'm just worried so thought it best to ask

What the actual f**k this guy is insane I'm not sure if I should reply or not! I'm concerned if I don't reply it could be a problem as he knows where I live! I feel like replying to say don't you think it could have something to do with smoking and drinking all night? Please don't message me again!

Wow he did seem controlling and this just confirms that! What would you do?

I think this is just a ploy to get you to talk to him. Don't reply and keep texts as evidence. Thank goodness you noticed the red flags now and didn't spend any more time with him. The taking ages getting him to leave your home - that bit alone gave me the chills.

I also think he could have a sore throat and thinks there might be something wrong that's why I thought I should reply as I don't want him to get even weirder on me! He might start thinking yes there must be an issue that's why she isn't replying!

But he isn't thinking about him smoking all night (he said before that he hadn't smoked for two weeks) drinking all night and not getting any sleep!

Heavenly - honestly at one point I got abit teary as he was acting odd, wouldn't leave and kept demanding cuddles and kisses I was like fuck how can I get him to go!

Also I didn't want to be rude as before we did get on well and I didn't know if maybe it was just because he was drunk as kept doing vodka shots (which I didn't know he was doing) until later!

He probably doesn't have a sore throat. He just wants a response from you.

But even if he does, it's not your responsiblity. You can't control whether he will 'get even weirder' or not. You don't need to concern yourself with what he thinks as you don't want any more contact with him.

Don’t give him the pleasure of a response. I’m torn, part of me thinks what MrsDraper said may actually be the case. Either way, you have had a lucky escape

I think the reason I am concerned is because he has worked right near my house before so is likely to know where I live and I don't want him bothering him

Ignore. Block. Delete. Drinking heavily and taking someone home on a 1st date is so risky, I think you were very lucky that he left. Please be more careful next time

Op let this be a lesson to you never to be "honest" with a man who shows signs of controlling tendencies. Or indeed to remain in contact at all once you see their game.

Never EVER give a controller even a speck of ammunition. Never expose your true motivations or feelings. They only know how to use those against you, they almost are unable to perceive anything you say as just normal conversation. Everything is a potential stick to beat you with.

Next time someone makes you feel uncomfortable like that, get rid and then either ghost them or tell them an innocuous like, if you can think of one. "Sorry just got back with an ex" "my head's just too messed up and I need space x" etc. Etc. And then delete and block and steer clear permanently.

In your current situation the best thing to do is to completely ignore, delete and block.

He may very well be a hypochondriac. But please understand that even if he is sincere he will still use any further contact to attempt to weasel back into your headspace

I think the reason I am concerned is because he has worked right near my house before so is likely to know where I live and I don't want him bothering him

You don't think he'll have worked out where you live when you took him home last night and when he was leaving this morning?

Jane - I agree it really wasn't a good idea on my part

Bees - I generally think it's best to be honest so I was but yes might have been easier to make up a silly lie to say it's not going to work

Yes nocry I noticed that!!

Nocry - the reason I say because he worked local he might know where I live is because he isn't from my area and lives quite far away so you know where I live is a large place if he was leaving in the morning drunk he might not know exactly where he was, but if he worked round there it's more likely he will know

How did he get home?

He got a cab which I called for him

So he didn't teleport. He knows where you live. Have no doubt about that. He's just a prick. Don't give him any more headspace. Stop trying to work out why he is saying it. Forget him. If he genuinely has a sore throat and is worried he can see his GP. It's not your problem as you know you haven't caused it.

It's generally not best to be honest. Honesty and emotional transparency is a privilege that people earn by virtue of winning your trust over a period of months. That is a lesson that everyone has to learn as they navigate the world. Being emotionally honest with strangers is dangerous and naive. You don't know them or their motivations.

What it is best to be is safe. Controlling men can turn violent - don't potentially wound their egos with "honesty" about the flaws you perceive in them - you have no idea how they might react to that kind of feedback.

Conceal your inner workings from people you don't know. Your emotions and honesty / transparency are things that people have to prove they are trustworthy of x

I wouldn't worry too much
Some of us have ended up going home with people we probably shouldn't have in hindsight. But seriously it's not a major problem!!

He won't contact you I'm sure, he's far more likely to just move onto someone else.

Ah well, at least you got some sex out of it

Oh fuck he has just messaged me again saying my name and a question mark startingtotry" ?

Ignore

Ahhhhhhhhh leave me alone

He just proving to you (if you needed more proof) what a knob he is.

Ignore him

Completely ignore
He can go to the sector. Seriously block him now

Doctor
Even