Bachelor party in Amsterdam.

[clifje02]

So, my boyfriend of four and half years (best man) with groom and a bunch of his friends got back from a 5 day trip to Amsterdam for bachelor party. I’m still trying to rack my brains around it, that why did they had to go to another country for a party.

Now I love my boyfriend. Not that he’s ever cheated, but he just doesn’t understand that this trip and him organising the whole trip and whatever else that went on there made me so uncomfortable and I tried to talk to him about my worries. He just laughed at me and said that I was being silly.

Before leaving we got into a bit of an argument about him doing the whole preparations and he said that a bodacious bachelor party is needed for a complete wedding experience and I didn’t know how to respond to that and that was it. I tried to get him to tell me about the details but he wouldn’t tell me anything and just said, you’re getting in my way and I don’t appreicate it.

I tried to be as supportive as I could on the surface but he didn’t even said anything to make sure that it will be alright. I think that he knew what I was thinking and said if you don’t trust me after all this time then that’s not my problem is it? If you think that I’m gonna cheat, don’t you wonder why I would wait 4 and half years to do that? If you’re not happy then maybe we’re not compatible.

The ball’s in your court. You need to trust me just don’t bother me while i’m on this trip and don’t relentlessly call to check in and keep your advice to yourself and don’t give me the list of rules you may or maynot have about this, okay?

So, that was it. After they came back I asked him what happend and he said it’s probably not as bad as you think. Lots of my friends have slept with more women than they can count, and this doesn’t make them monster who would disrespect their relationship. But, he still seemed a bit distant and I have absolutely no idea what’s going on in his mind.

Even after 3 days , he still isn’t sharing much and I’m really worried about whether this is it for our relationship. I know we’ve had our argument about this party but I didn’t think it would become such an issue where I’d have to worry about whether he might break up with me.

Your dh is an arrogant asshole op! My closest friends partner admitted that before he met her, he and his friends indulged in paying prostitutes for sex/ sexual acts whilst partying in the RLD on a stag do. In fact he told her what several of his friends got up to as well.

She has told him straight out, that she would not be happy if he wanted to go to Amsterdam for another stag do. He has agreed and said he wouldn't want to anyway.

My husband has always refused stag invites that are abroad, for one we can't afford it and for two, he would rather spend that sort of money on a trip away with me/ and our kids. He did the whole Amsterdam thing before we met (he was in the city for work) I think he was one of the giggling men at the time. He usually will go to the home stag do and he ends up sending messages/ funny photos throughout the night. Then I get told everything he can remember along with lots of drunken 'I love you's' at 3 am. Then over the next few days he shares any pics/ funny messages from the other stags. I completely trust my dh, to be honest if we had the money I would trust him to go to Amsterdam. I know he would be in contact constantly, be it sending me pictures, daft drunk texts and phone calls telling me he loves me in the early hours of the morning. But that's just how my dh is. I'm sorry op, your dp sounds almost checked out of your relationship. Its almost like he engineered your fall out over your concerns, to justify behaving badly on this stag do, and now instead of feeling guilty he is blaming you and punishing you with his passive aggressive silence. This does not sound like a healthy relationship! Quite frankly, you deserve better!

Sex tourism is a real thing, as is being a shitty partner. Op your dp wants you to imagine he was up to the worst! He is exerting control on you by refusing to divulge his plans or discuss what he got up to over there. I couldn't be with a man who treated me with so little respect!

Your bf could choose to cheat on you anywhere, he isn't more or less likely to depending on where he is.

I'd be furious if a partner behaved like you have, yes he can choose to go abroad with his friends and no he doesn't have to tell you all the details when he gets back.

I don't think it's about the OP thinking her OH has cheated. I think it's because she wants to know if he was doing things that she doesn't agree with like strip clubs. Surely she deserves to know so she can then make the informed decision to leave him if she really doesn't like it?! The fact he won't tell her a single thing about what they got up to means he is keeping her hanging. Very controlling

Op, it boils down to wether you trust him. I would be happy for dh to go to Amsterdam with some mates because I know they'd spend their time drinking and smoking too much but wouldn't go in for the whole red light district thing because they're not like that. The closest they'd get is probably walking by and giggling. It looks like from the way you posted that you've got good reasons not to trust him or that you have trust issues.

I'd want to know what happened on holiday just out of curiosity not like an interrogation. If he was cagey I'd think he was on a wind up or couldn't remember.

If I went on ladies weekend or a hen do with friends.... I really wouldn't welcome being questioned. A simple "hope you enjoyed it" will suffice.

It becomes suffocating being questioned.

If you don't trust him ...end your relationship.... but if I was being badgered with questions about what I did... I'd be pissed off

My DH and I go away on guys breaks and ladies breaks... neither of us feel the need to question each other on what activities we did.

We choose to share things if we want to. Since when did being in a relationship or being married mean you have to know everything your OH does.

At the end of the day.. you either trust him or you don't. He arranged a stag do in Amsterdam ... that should tell you enough about him.

It's not something my DH would do .. he barely drinks ... doesn't do drugs of any kind and would never waste his money to pay for any kind of sex. Amsterdam wouldn't be his thing.... but it's your BFs thing. Unless he was pressured into this location by the other guys.

You have to understand your BF of 4.5 years and what his character is.

Where is the OP?

When dh went on stag to Amsterdam he came back and told me what happens in Amsterdam stays in Amsterdam but, and then went on to tell me everything,
When I went on a hag do I told him everything.
It's the not telling, that is causing the mistrust here op.

She probably bailed after multiple people told her she was emotionally abusing and controlling her partner

I visit Amsterdam fairly often with a group of male friends. We tend to go for gigs or clubs and make a few days of as most of them like to take the opportunity to smoke weed.

We're all different, but I've never asked my partner for a breakdown of trips he goes on, nor has he questioned me. I don't think there's anything really wrong with wanting to know though and I feel if I asked my partner he'd happily tell me. I'd feel a bit uneasy at them refusing to tell me something, regardless of the topic.