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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Think I fancy my BIL & feel so guilty

43 replies

attentionseeker · 09/04/2007 22:06

Not sure why I am posting, but want to let this out.

I am married to a wonderful man, he adores me, & I also adore him. We have beautiful children & are, on the whole, a very happy couple. We rarely argue & never really bicker about mundane things.

So why, all of a sudden, have I found myself covetting my sisters husband?

He is kind, loving, but he has a manly nature, wheras my dh is gentle & hates confrontation.

BIL & I have the same type of personalities, we are both home bodies, both enjoy listening to the same radio shows & reading the same kind of books, which always means we have lots to talk about. my sister is out every night of the week and often leaves her children here, meaning I make BIL his dinner and he spends the evening here. I enjoy his company.

I would never, ever in a million years contemplate ever having an affair, or even telling BIL I have a schoolgirl crush on him. I have been married twelve years and my sister and BIL have been married for 16years.

I guess I just enjoy his company, We flirt, we text each other if we heard things on the radio, we call the stations and get songs played for each other. funny songs or our favourite band of the moment, nothing romantic. I seriously dont see him in a romantic way. Yet I get all giggly when I think of him.

we were out on Friday night and we chatted for ages. we had a real laugh. I just wish my husband had some of the qualities, even though I cant stress enough how much I love my husband.

Sorry this is so long. And I dont even know if I want/need advice. It just feels good to write it and try to stop feeling guilty for something that hasnt and never will happen. further more I dont want it to happen but I dont want to stop contact with a man who share my interests. my husband and my sister go to classes together and are close too, we just are a close family, and I would be devastated if I thought my husband fancied my sister or vice versa.

Talk sense into me maybe???

OP posts:
WanderingTrolley · 09/04/2007 22:07

oh just shag him

NotQuiteCockney · 09/04/2007 22:08

It sounds like a crush. It sounds like it will pass. I don't think you need to worry about this, as long as you are sensible. (e.g. no getting drunk! no telling him how you feel, or hinting at it!)

Can you get some of the bond you have with him, with other people (not necessarily your DH?).

It's good that you're thinking about what you see in him that you're not getting from your DH, rather than just seeing him as perfect, iyswim.

divastrop · 09/04/2007 22:10

or go for a foursome maybe?

SittingBull · 09/04/2007 22:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

littlelapin · 09/04/2007 22:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

crispyduck · 09/04/2007 22:11

Supress those feelings, don't go there...just keep thinking how wonderful your husband is...

WelshBoris · 09/04/2007 22:12

I thought you were one of Kittys "supporters" Littlelapin?

Surely you wouldn't think she would dream of posting such a thread?

PinkTulips · 09/04/2007 22:12

too well written to be kitty methinks

Original poster
attentionseeker · 09/04/2007 22:13

A foursome? That's taking sisters sharing a bit too far

WT I don't want to shag him. He's not mine to shag.

Thankyou NQC, I guess I just needed to say it, IYKWIM, but there is no-one I can say it to, as everyone would be horrified!

I have a bond with my other BIL but it's more like a brotherly one, and not a coupley one like with this BIL.

OP posts:
Original poster
attentionseeker · 09/04/2007 22:14

No!! I'm not Kitty!! Honest!! I do post every day and have changed my name as I have some friends here that I contact off board!

OP posts:
littlelapin · 09/04/2007 22:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
attentionseeker · 09/04/2007 22:15

Sittingbull, I hadn't thought of that. I guess I would be pissed off too if my husband was doing the texts and things.

I agree, I will cut it back without it seeming obvious.

OP posts:
Original poster
attentionseeker · 09/04/2007 22:16

LL, I definitely am not Kitty.

Hadn't thought of the hoax she had re: her BIL, but this is genuine.

I am sorry. Thanks for replying anyway, I guess I know what I have to do.

OP posts:
WelshBoris · 09/04/2007 22:17

Eh?

I'm not having a go at you, why would I?

You were saying to IOtter that we should give Kitty a chance and then you come on here and ask the OP if they are Kitty?

littlelapin · 09/04/2007 22:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

divastrop · 09/04/2007 22:18

i also assumed it was a wind up thread...sorry.

UCM · 09/04/2007 22:18

For fucks sake is every thread on here at the moment a joke one.

ATTS, if this isn't then;-

stop being bloody daft, you are in a happy marraige and even though you think that you are well suited, you are not. Trust me. If you had to have sex with a man who reads the same books as you for example. He might read other books which are all about tying you up and flogging the daylights out of you.

If you really feel anything towards this man, leave your husband before you do anything about it.

Original poster
attentionseeker · 09/04/2007 22:20

No, I really have no intention of doing anything.

Husband and I are going off for a weekend in a few weeks time, I fully intend to bring the spark back.

And whoever suggested that BIL will have qualities that I wouldn't like are right, thankyou.

I feel I can breathe again though, now that I have voiced what I was feeling without being told I am a harlot who covets other peoples goods!!

I seriously just think it is a crush and it has came out of the blue and taken me by surprise.

OP posts:
littlelapin · 09/04/2007 22:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
attentionseeker · 09/04/2007 22:21

UCM.

you're great! thanks!

Sat here laughing like a lunatic now!

OP posts:
WanderingTrolley · 09/04/2007 22:22

No, really. Shag him.

WelshBoris · 09/04/2007 22:23

Why would I be aggressive towards you? I don't recall ever coming across you before apart from via the Mile for Maude site.

For the record OP, it will end in tears. Sexual feelings can and will fade. The tears that will result if something happens, will last a lot longer.

littlelapin · 09/04/2007 22:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
attentionseeker · 09/04/2007 22:27

Thanks everyone.

Have no intentions of taking it further. Ever.

I love my husband and have way too much to lose by being a daft bitch.

OP posts:
Chandra · 09/04/2007 22:28
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