Overweight adult DD, do you seriously not buy them food? What to do?

[geordiekate]

Hi, looking for advice here. I have an almost 19 yo DD and a 22 yo son. Youngest is overweight. Likes her food and obviously quite frankly that's her decision, what the hell can I do about it? She uses her money to go out, etc.

She does live at home with me and occasionally has the cooked food which I suppose isn't always diet kind of food but just fine for an average meal. DH thinks we are being unfair oh and I got her a cookie when we were out we went into town and got DS one as he was out with us. DH thinks we shouldn't be encouraging unhealthy foods. She is an adult though and surely I can't buy lunch or whatever for DS and not her. Seems odd but would like to know if my husband is right.

It isn't up to parents to make uninvited comments about their adult son/daughter's weight. Most women and men who are overweight are already well aware of their size and health concerns. It isn't "helpful" to tell them what they already know, it's patronising. There are a lot of books/websites/groups dedicated to weight loss, so when someone feels ready to tackle their weight, the information is there. No belated helicopter parenting required!

How 'overweight' is the girl? Remember that there is ridiculous social pressure on women, in particular, to be very thin. She has every right to eat what she wants and not be thin. It's her choice whether or not to diet, or even to 'eat healthily'.

This. I may be barking up the wrong tree but funny that it’s your dd who’s fat while your ds isn’t.

I was told for years i was overweight. My mum made many “gentle comments”. In hindsight i wasn’t fat at all, but i was very muscly (played a lot of sport) compared to my very thin sister. Even now everytime i cook i get a lecture on how to make a meal “more slimming”, and i just wish she would butt out.

I currently have a job where people need to describe their kids. I have seen fat kids described as small build, i have seen normal kids described as well built, slim girls described as medium build, 14st, 5’ girls also described as medium build.

No two people have the same perspective, it seems.

To me, buying 2 adults cookies is strange - perhaps you are enabling her views on 'treats'. One large cookie probably has around 200 calories. 200 pointless calories.

We just don't have junk food in the house - never have done. My (slim) 19 year old can gain weight really easily. He has to watch what he eats and knows it. I have no problem telling him if he needs to cut back, although I don't need to now he's older as he is mindful.

I'd worry that staying overweight in young adulthood might stick and lead to lifelong weight and therefore health problems.

You know, anyone who comments, uninvited, on another person's weight, to that person's face, is a twat. End of.

The entire diet industry is just as much a scam as religion is. If people decide they do want to lose weight and ask for advice, fair enough, but the sort of twats who think they are being 'helpful' by commenting on what someone is eating, and nagging about 'healthy choices' are stupid, arrogant, bullying and rude. I don't care if it is your own DC you are talking to: shut the fuck up.

To the people saying “don’t have treats in the house” - my parents never had treats (biscuits, cake, crisps, choc) in the house. My mum (who is lovely) would occasionally make gentle, sensitively worded comments if she noticed me gaining weight. Both my brother and I were slim as children, and as soon as we had control of our own money we used it to buy food. As adults, I’m overweight and my brother is obese.

I’m not blaming my parents btw. I know that I choose what food to put in my mouth. I’m just pointing out that not having junk food in the house isn’t a foolproof way of having slim DC.

If she’s an adult, as you say, why do you treat her like a small child and buy her a cookie so not to leave her out.

Is she bothered by her weight, or just you and others?

Hide the junk food

How come your son gets lunch (proper food) and your DD gets a rubbish cookie?

What size clothes is she? Roughly if you don't know

If she's not looking to lose weight then leave her alone, she's an adult.

How come your son gets lunch (proper food) and your DD gets a rubbish cookie?

It doesn't say that anywhere.

Just start eating healthy as a family if she is seriously overweight.
I have no issues with weight and I love my chocolate and butter but since DP has been diagnosed with high cholesterol and high blood pressure, there is nothing junk on unhealthy at home. I eat super healthy now even though I don't really enjoy it, you all can eat high calorie food when you're out of the house.
Family supports each other and if she really has a problem then maybe it's better if you have that talk as a family and all go on a healthy low fat diet?
You don't want to see her sad depressed and with health issues as she steps into the adulthood.

What do you actually want people to suggest then

To go back to your OP, a cookie is not ‘food’. Maybe that’s where the problem lies.

To go back to your OP, a cookie is not ‘food’. Maybe that’s where the problem lies.

Of course a cookie is food. An occasional cookie in an otherwise healthy diet won't make you fat.

Even when I was a size 24 my parents never told me to lose weight. They knew I was an adult who made my own choices.

I then slimmed down to a size 10 and they commented saying how much better I looked.

I'm now a 14 after having my daughter which is bigger than I want to be but still a lot slimmer than I was.

It doesn't really help if you buy her cookies, so no, I wouldn't do that, but it's really up to her what she puts in her mouth. She is an adult and she is free to make her own choices. If she has no desire to lose weight there is literally nothing you can do about it. Should you set a good example at this point and restrict the foods available in your house if you are not overweight yourself? Again, just because food is there she doesn't have to eat it - that is up to her. But if I was cooking for the family I would cook healthy food.

What reanimated said.

I lost weight when i left home and stopped being judged for every mouthful. I had control over my own food and therefore my weight.