I'm not strong enough to stay, but not strong enough to walk away.

[Strugglinglately]

I'm in a really messed up situation and as the title says. I'm not strong enough to stay but I'm not strong enough to walk away. My mental health is suffering.

The situation is so messed up its untrue. I know deep down its not right for me.

At the beginning I was probably what you call love bombed and promised a whole lot of things. Everything seemed to be going well. I thought I'd met someone lovely.

Then the truth started unravelling. It turned out he had an ex wife and three kids. The kids live with him. I thought okay I can cope with that. They also have a live in nanny.

Then all of a sudden he was unable to come visit me, I started doing all the travelling and visiting. If I didn't visit for a number of days I was the bad one.

Apparently his ex wife doesnt see the kids alot.. but he mentions she stays over when she does. They share the same bed when she does. Apparently she goes round just to eat food and sleep in his bed and doesnt see the kids.

Everything just seems to be a lie and messed up.

For example tonight the ex is going round to babysit so he can go on a night out with the nanny. He always has money to do that but last few times we've been out I've paid (he only recently got a new job and has been out of work for 6 weeks).

None of his family know about me. Its like I'm a secret.

The beauty is I'm off out tonight to a big black tie work event. At the moment I don't even want to go.

Its just insane how at the beginning he used to be so keen and message me all the time and want to meet up. Yet as time has gone on its got less and less and today he hasn't even text me since early on this morning yet hes been online on whatsapp.

Deep down I know I'm wasting my time but I somehow need to make sense of this situation. How does this all happen?

I sway between knowing the truth deep down but not being strong enough to call it off.

I'm so fed up.

[Isetan]

You've asking the wrong question. It isn't 'why is he like this or why did he treat me this way?', it's 'what is it about me that thinks this lying chancer is worth the effort'? If you're not strong enough now, what are you doing to get strong enough for later? Counselling etc.

[supersop60]

He loves having his harem and all these women clamouring to be with him. God forbid you should see him for what he is - a lying, selfish, cheating arse.
Your MH will improve without him. Good luck.

[Cricrichan]

I'm reading this open mouthed op. He also lacks complete imagination. His ex wife goes over just to sleep on his bed but somehow manages to avoid seeing her kids. What's his bed made of that it's such a magnet to her? Unless the kids are sulky teenagers who've been given money for a takeaway and they've stayed in the room all evening, I can't see how she could have avoided seeing them!

[Strugglinglately]

Its been fourteen hours no contact... eight text messages and three missed calls. Somebody doesn't like not being in control.

I slept okay last night. I didn't want to wake up this morning but I had to be out the door for 8am to take my child to an activity. I'm sat here with a coffee just reflecting on the past few months.

I know its not me and I cant change someone as a person. I dont want to really. This is a wake up call.

I wouldn't mind if he was really someone amazing but he's just average. The thing he brags most about is the amount of money he earns. I don't care about that. I've my own money and always have been independent.

Tonight will be night two of introducing back my medication. There are four different ones. I started off with two last night. I need to titrate up.

[jeaux90]

You are doing the right thing. There are so many red flags with this guy I don't know where to start. (I was with a narc and some of the things you wrote set alarms off for me)

Focus on you, getting yourself feeling well, your kid and your job. Living well independently as a single mum is better than being in a crap relationship any day of the week (single mum here too)

[Hissy]

He said “you make my life bad and negative”

So that’s why he’s so vile to you... that’s his excuse

And it’s your excuse to get free of the abuse

Stay strong op!

[Hissy]

I meant to make it clear that he’s justified his actions by making up something that you’d be horrified to think you did.

Classic lie, classic liar, classic abuser