I'm not strong enough to stay, but not strong enough to walk away.

[Strugglinglately]

I'm in a really messed up situation and as the title says. I'm not strong enough to stay but I'm not strong enough to walk away. My mental health is suffering.

The situation is so messed up its untrue. I know deep down its not right for me.

At the beginning I was probably what you call love bombed and promised a whole lot of things. Everything seemed to be going well. I thought I'd met someone lovely.

Then the truth started unravelling. It turned out he had an ex wife and three kids. The kids live with him. I thought okay I can cope with that. They also have a live in nanny.

Then all of a sudden he was unable to come visit me, I started doing all the travelling and visiting. If I didn't visit for a number of days I was the bad one.

Apparently his ex wife doesnt see the kids alot.. but he mentions she stays over when she does. They share the same bed when she does. Apparently she goes round just to eat food and sleep in his bed and doesnt see the kids.

Everything just seems to be a lie and messed up.

For example tonight the ex is going round to babysit so he can go on a night out with the nanny. He always has money to do that but last few times we've been out I've paid (he only recently got a new job and has been out of work for 6 weeks).

None of his family know about me. Its like I'm a secret.

The beauty is I'm off out tonight to a big black tie work event. At the moment I don't even want to go.

Its just insane how at the beginning he used to be so keen and message me all the time and want to meet up. Yet as time has gone on its got less and less and today he hasn't even text me since early on this morning yet hes been online on whatsapp.

Deep down I know I'm wasting my time but I somehow need to make sense of this situation. How does this all happen?

I sway between knowing the truth deep down but not being strong enough to call it off.

I'm so fed up.

[Hissy]

I meant to make it clear that he’s justified his actions by making up something that you’d be horrified to think you did.

Classic lie, classic liar, classic abuser

[Hissy]

He said “you make my life bad and negative”

So that’s why he’s so vile to you... that’s his excuse

And it’s your excuse to get free of the abuse

Stay strong op!

[jeaux90]

You are doing the right thing. There are so many red flags with this guy I don't know where to start. (I was with a narc and some of the things you wrote set alarms off for me)

Focus on you, getting yourself feeling well, your kid and your job. Living well independently as a single mum is better than being in a crap relationship any day of the week (single mum here too)

[Strugglinglately]

Its been fourteen hours no contact... eight text messages and three missed calls. Somebody doesn't like not being in control.

I slept okay last night. I didn't want to wake up this morning but I had to be out the door for 8am to take my child to an activity. I'm sat here with a coffee just reflecting on the past few months.

I know its not me and I cant change someone as a person. I dont want to really. This is a wake up call.

I wouldn't mind if he was really someone amazing but he's just average. The thing he brags most about is the amount of money he earns. I don't care about that. I've my own money and always have been independent.

Tonight will be night two of introducing back my medication. There are four different ones. I started off with two last night. I need to titrate up.

[Cricrichan]

I'm reading this open mouthed op. He also lacks complete imagination. His ex wife goes over just to sleep on his bed but somehow manages to avoid seeing her kids. What's his bed made of that it's such a magnet to her? Unless the kids are sulky teenagers who've been given money for a takeaway and they've stayed in the room all evening, I can't see how she could have avoided seeing them!

[supersop60]

He loves having his harem and all these women clamouring to be with him. God forbid you should see him for what he is - a lying, selfish, cheating arse.
Your MH will improve without him. Good luck.

[Isetan]

You've asking the wrong question. It isn't 'why is he like this or why did he treat me this way?', it's 'what is it about me that thinks this lying chancer is worth the effort'? If you're not strong enough now, what are you doing to get strong enough for later? Counselling etc.

[category12]

Block his number.

[Strugglinglately]

That message was in relation to me saying I cant do it anymore it's affecting my mental health. I'm definately better off.

[Strugglinglately]

"And it's me who's the one on my own and sad, so I do feel like I'm the victim here. Your the one that plays up on all your medical history when we fall out. I never say anything bad about you as a person, just that you make my life bad and negative. I love you as a person though and you do know that everything you say I'd rubbish and not true and you know that."

[Strugglinglately]

AnchorDownDeepBreath

I have meds, several of them. I just dont know which ones to take anymore or which to restart.

Ive had another message that is all woe is me and a missed call. Must stay strong.

[RunRabbitRunRabbit]

Hilarious. He's accusing you of being like a child and he can't even spell properly. Do not respond "You're not your. Learn to spell." however tempting it might be.

[AnchorDownDeepBreath]

I need to get my bipolar under control. I'm off medication. I'm not coping well.

Have you got meds? I’m quite experienced with this and I know some people cope with being unmedicated well, but most, if not all, occasionally need medical help to stay stable.

You’ll do well to get out of this chaos; so stand by that decision. Don’t cut your friends off, though. And be very wary that whilst you’re spiralling and unmedicated, you may be prone to bad decisions, chaos and drama.

[girlingerrupting]

Oh dear that all sounds a bit nuts. You need to go back on your meds OP. You know yourself it will be very hard to consistently do anything properly without them.
Just ignore him enjoy your own life he's totally weird if you ask me.

[Strugglinglately]

Followed just now by this

" Your just really not thoughtful and like a child sometimes "


Laughable.

[Strugglinglately]

This is the last text I recieved.

"Ok, well I'm sorry. You know that's not what I wanted and that I love you. And your basically saying you would be better off without me anyway x"


There's nothing I can even reply to that.

[Strugglinglately]

I went out last night and had a great time... all until the hundred phone calls started begging for me to go see him. Which I didn't. I stayed out until around 3am and then went straight to bed. I didnt wake till around 3pm today.

I then declined to go see him tonight because I would be hungover and unable to drive. He went mad.

Apparently I'm too busy for him lately and hardly made the effort to see him. I went once the other night. Other times I've been working and had other stuff going on.

This followed on with a load of shit from him. He's making out hes the victim in all this and I'm to blame for it not working.

I've deleted his messages, his number and everything that reminds me of us.

Theres no relief just yet, I'm feeling very angry and frustrated but I know it will be there soon. I just need to carry on and be strong.

I have my own life to lead. I need to get my bipolar under control. I'm off medication. I'm not coping well.

I've withdrawn from all my friends. Its just myself, my mum and my own little one from now on.

[Littlelondoner]

Shes not the nanny shes his live in gf?

Sure hes not in an open relation ship or polyamorus or anything like that?

[Moanyoldcow]

You don't live together, you aren't financially entangled, you don't have kids.

This is an EASY break - text him to say you've had enough, block him and move on.

Do it now. You'll feel fantastic.

[category12]

You can walk away. All you need to do is take your phone and block his number, delete him from your contacts everywhere, then go have a long bath and massive cry, call a friend and make some plans for something fun to do. Do that now.

[The80sweregreat]

You really do not need this man in your life. He is messing you around and deserve a lot better.

[ICESTAR]

Op you know what to do...

The reason you are feeling bad is because of him and him alone.


Just pull the plug. Be happy and be free.

[SparklyMagpie]

You hardly see him anyway so you might aswell walk away let alone all the other crap.

He's having you on OP

You deserve better!

[Strugglinglately]

He lied to me that day saying she was okay with me coming in.

[Strugglinglately]

Ive been round to house many times and I've met the nanny. I've even been when the ex wife was there but she was in bed- thats a different situation altogether.

He told me she was okay coming in as she babysat the kids while we went out. I only went in for a drink then went home. Apparently she went mad the day after.

He's an arsehole isnt he?