DP wants to be in an open relationship

[sasspot69]

I’ve been with my DP for 6 years, never had any problems but recently he says he’s getting a bit bored and losing interest but doesn’t want to leave me and keeps suggesting the idea of polygamy. What would you do?
Thanks

apologies if my terminology is not right im not a regular user of mumsnet so don’t know all the terminology, i wasn’t aware saying “ what would you do “ is a big deal

Asking "what would you do?" is no big deal IMHO. Not sure why anyone has any issues with it.

You asked, and most people said they wouldn't put up with it, also suspecting him of already cheating.

I’d tell him I’m very open to have another man, or maybe two other men because he’s become boring as shit.

Nope. How insulting, losing interest, but he might consider staying with you if he can shag other women. You deserve better.

why are you asking us? If all of us MN women said "well I'd say let's do it" would you be happier? Would you do it? What does it matter what anyone else thinks? What do YOU think or feel?

It would be a deal-breaker for me - I wouldn't want to be with someone who thought like that as I would think they are selfish and stupid and not appreciative enough of me. I want better than that. What do you want?

You've hardly been together any time at all, I can't see the relationship surviving if you do, and after this bombshell, not even if you don't. Depressing. I think I would leave. Do you have kids?

I have a friend who is in a polygamy relationship. The rules for the couples have to be set out before they even enter the relationship.

If you are talking about a just shag around thing, then again the rules need to be set and both parties need to be happy

Does he want an open relationship or does he want a polygamous relationship? There's a HUGE difference between the different "kinds"

www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-polyamorists-next-door/201407/seven-forms-non-monogamy

What is he "bored" about? Your relationship? Then he doesn't love you. If he's bored with life, then he needs to find something else, not someone else. Sounds like he's found someone he wants to have sex with and wants your permission to give it a go.

An open relationship isn't really the answer to feeling bored in a relationship. It's more for when both people in it have a shared outlook and mutually benefit from an open relationship.

It doesn't sound like it's your bag, and it's not something you should enter into lightly because if you don't meet the description I've just given then not only is it likely to end your relationship but it's also likely to destroy your self esteem too.

An open relationship isn't really the answer to feeling bored in a relationship.

Very true - hence the suspicion of some here that the DP is already playing away and the open relationship is a means of having his cake and eating it.

Bloody hell, unless you are 100% behind the idea of an open relationship then don't do it!!! I assume that means you are allowed to play away too?

Men like this are quite happy to sleep with other women but the second their partner does the same all hell breaks loose.

Not all men are like this I promise. Some even really value monogamy. Don't waste another second on someone who doesn't treat you like their priority.

He’s already fucking other people & looking for you to validate it

Tell him you are up for it and have found a great guy and you've invited him for dinner

Only if it's both of you who wants it - I know a couple who literally sleep with anyone and everyone (they move in swingers type circles) they're always sleeping with somebody else either as a group or at parties etc .... they still fight about it and they both want it that way .... so basically, if it's not what you want then tell him to do one

Agree with others, there is a difference between polygamy, polyamory and open.

Polygamy means more than one marriage, usually has religious connotations. Polyamory is having ‘many loves’ and involves full on relationships with others aside from your ‘primary’ partner. And open is where sex with others is ok outside the main relationship but not really about forming other relationships.

Many couples are happy being polyamorous/open but if you’re not on board then it’s not going to work for you.

I know a couple who have this sort of relationship but it's something they discussed and decided together, making ground rules, talking through various scenarios etc. Your partner sounds like he just wants to shag someone else...

OP did he actually use the word 'polygamy'? For such a huge life changing set of conversations I am extremely confused that seemingly you both don't even understand the word!

Why are people sharing personal experiences here when this is clearly complete tosh?

Fascinating first post here, OP.

I'm flummoxed anyone would need to come and ask a bunch of strangers what they would do about this. I would have expected pretty much everyone to either being totally horrified with the suggestion and telling their partner to either fuck off or drop the idea or be open to it and give it a go (but most people who were likely to be open to it would already be in the sort of relationship/marriage where this had already been discussed quite openly).

Well,to ask the question means you’re already considering it

The question is why? To just keep him as you’re so desperate or because you quite fancy the idea.

If it’s the latter, crack on. If it’s the former, end it, because it will end anyway, but not before you endure a world of pain.

Open relationships are successful when that's just what all parties are into and how they want to live their lives, not because they're "bored and losing interest".

I'd tell him to fuck right off.

OP had a name change fail about 7 posts in - they also have another thread under other name about being suspicious of partner taking phone everywhere. OP - if you're genuine, your partner appears to be already cheating and has zero respect for you - leave him. If you're stirring - get a life.