DP wants to be in an open relationship

[sasspot69]

I’ve been with my DP for 6 years, never had any problems but recently he says he’s getting a bit bored and losing interest but doesn’t want to leave me and keeps suggesting the idea of polygamy. What would you do?
Thanks

Your instinct tells you this is not good, doesn't it?

He is already fucking around

Tatty-bye DP

Have a serious 'did you mean that?' Conversation with him.

If he did mean it and is focusing on his needs and wants, then your relationship sounds like it has run its course or needs fixing in a major way.

We all go through doldrums / bored periods in long term relationships. Mature adults think about ways to help their partner thrive and get their spark back; it makes you both happier. Self-centred people often screw around.

He wouldn't suggest the open relationship, jokingly or not, with your best interests and feelings in mind if it is something that has made you feel this uncomfortable.

Does he often put his own feelings above yours or is this a weird blip / life-crisis?

Yes, the ''I'm bored'' comment was really ungracious.

He 'blames' you for being only one person, but he is also only one person.

OP, you don't sound like you believe in yourself enough to do this but you will derive self-esteem from the self-efficacy of telling him that you deserve more than this lack of respect and affection.

Ask him what he thinks of the concept of polyandry?
2 can play at that game....

No way....you'd be mad to even consider it!

To me it all smacks of someone who wants to have his cake and eat it. Meaning that he can fuck whoever he wants yet still have you waiting there.

I would show him the door. It would absolutely the end. The phrase "fuck off" seems appropriate.

Well I’m open to sex out of marriage but not relationships ... so I’d discuss w/ him

I'm bored, open relationship = give me permission to cheat.

Tell him since his revelation you've been on a dating website and met a lovely bloke who you're meeting on Saturday night - no point him waiting up.

Leave him and find someone who isn't a sleaze.

My mum used to say "only boring people get bored" when I was growing up. Not quite convinced she was thinking of this sort of scenario (!) but the principle still stands. If he was such an interesting lover himself, he'd be able to think of a way for the two of you to get your spark back, like Kitchen said.

Agreed he’s already met someone else in all likelihood. If you’re bored you go on a fucking mini break, not start waving your partner off to shag other people. No, he wants to diddle someone else without the guilt. Even if that isn’t the case, a request for an “open relationship” is usually the death knell for previously-monogamous couples.

A friend’s fella asked for an OR and was most disappointed when she was rolling in, er, male attention, whilst he never managed to capitalise on the agreement. Turns out there aren’t many women who are happy to be someone’s side piece in that scenario.

I'd tell him he's free to fuck who he likes.

Just as soon as he moves out & files for divorce. Until then anyone he does fuck will be named in your divorce papers.

I wouldn't stay with him, not even if he pretended to drop the idea.

It's one thing for a couple to decide they want an open marriage or to swing or whatever. It's entirely different if one just decides they're bored in the bedroom but still wants the 'mothering & wife work' bits of the marriage.

Does he mean polyamory (may be enduring relationships with more than one person) or does he mean open relationship (sex with other people)?

Either way if you are not both 100% up for it it won't work, especially if one partner persuades the other against their better judgement (because they want other people without any guilt).

Even if you were up for it you would need very clear ground rules and boundaries. I know people in poly relationships with varying degrees of success, some very long lasting but honestly cannot imagine making it work myself as its fundamentally not 'me'. If its not you then I suspect you would struggle with it so don't be persuaded.

open the door and boot his sorry ass out....open relationship.
couples should strive to grow old together, a long healthy relationship is not fire crackers and rockets every moment of the day. if he's bored it's because he is boring and unenergetic to do new things....not necessarily bed things either.

i say hes already doing it

bored? tell him to gt lost

OP I'm about to comment but just checking my NC has worked first.....

Sounds like he has already had his head turned and has fallen for the charms of another woman. He's now trying to justify his feelings and actions.

Get a STD test as soon as you can.

What exactly is the benefit to you, as he sees it, in the arrangement he proposes?
Do you still get the honor and privilege of doing his laundry and cooking, and keeping house?

"What would you do?"

I think he is a cheeky fucker and I would be showing him the door.

But more to the point, what do you think ?

Open relationships work of both parties are happy with them.

I'll not say which 'part' I am, but I am part of an open relationship.

Within our understanding there is: a woman who is married but cannot have sex for several reasons,
:a woman who wants to have a certain type of sex but cant for several reasons,
and: a man who wants to have a certain type of sex.

Between the 3 of us it works. But it obly works because all 3 are on the same page.

If you don't want to say no.

I'm suspicious of this. Polygamy means marriage to more than one spouse, not having an open relationship. I'd expect at least the terminology to be right if this is happening. Also 'WWYD?!'

I'll report the thread too.

Yep, he wants to shag other woman and have you at home watching Emmerdale.

I remember reading a thread once (on another forum,) where a woman had been coerced into 'swinging' by her husband of 22 years. They went to a 'key party,' and her husband thought whichever man picked her would sit it out rather than shag her. However, the man was quite willing.

Her husband also didn't count on the fact that he would be swapping one 52 year old short, chubby, blonde woman, for another 52 year old short chubby blonde woman. For some reason, he was under the impression he would be shagging a 28 year old Holly Willoughby lookalike.

Much to his dismay, the man who ended up with his wife (the woman who posted on the forum) was 36, and was very good looking. Much better than the husband. He was also very good, with a lot of stamina, and satisfied her much more in half an hour than her husband had in 22 years.

The husband wasn't prepared for how jealous he was going to feel.

The marriage never made it to 23 years.

The man in the OP sounds like that.

Make sure if HE gets to fuck other women that YOU get to fuck other men @sasspot69

If you don't want to do this, then tell him to fuck right off and leave.