Just want someone to talk to

[Whenthepawn]

I don't think this is really the right place for this, as it's not really a relationship issue, but I don't know where to post. I'm so lonely. So so lonely. I don't have a single friend in the world (I know people post sometimes saying they have no friends and they mean - no friends nearby, or no close friends - I have literally none at all). There's nobody I could call or text or email, nobody to meet up with ever - I seem to cope with it sometimes better than others, but as it heads towards winter the evenings seem to become so hard - just the quiet around the house seems to weigh in on me until I feel like I'm being crushed. I went into town the other day to buy some bits and pieces, and ended up just crying - when I see other women out with their friends having lunch or drinks or shopping I just feel how desperately I would like to have that in my life, but it just doesn't seem to be something I've ever been able to achieve. I'm not sure what I'm really posting for - I think just I wanted to talk to some real people.

I'm really sorry you're feeling so low

Do you work? Do you have DC? What is your every day life like? Do you have parents/siblings/cousins in your life? Do you have any mobility problems or caring responsibilities etc which restrict you getting out and about?

Just asking so maybe people can give ideas about how to reach out.

Do you have any interests or hobbies you could develop in order to meet people? I am about to start a running club where they have a beginners section as well - would something like that work?

Well, we're here for a start. Hi Whenthepawn . I think a lot of people feel exactly as you do, you're just eloquently articulating it.

Oh no, it's awful isn't it. If you want a friend to email/text/whatsapp send me a message. I'm always up for a chat about anything....I don't have friends, I just have work friends, but I drive em crazy with constant communication. Think I'm a communication addict to be honest!

Do you belong to any local clubs like knit and natter, book club, drama or gym or swimming, ramblers? Have you tried volunteering? Can you join St Johns Ambulance or Red Cross and volunteer once qualified you can volunteer at festivals, concerts, local fetes and widen your social circle. Does that help?

I feel so sad reading this. Tell us a wee bit about your situation. Do you work? Have children?

Thank you for replying. I do work - quite long hours in fact as I have a long commute. No dcs or anything- I do have parents but they are a long way away and we're not very close- we had a pretty dysfunctional/abusive family environment which I recognise now is one of the Things that meant I never really learned how to interact with people in a "normal" way growing up- that took me quite a few years of counselling and distancing myself from the past to get over, but by the time I was starting to feel more "normal" it seemed I'd missed the friendship boat if that makes sense? I have tried a couple of women's exercise groups but I didn't really fit in very easily- it seems to take me a few months to be able to relax and start to be myself round people, and that somehow doesn't seem to work in anything I've tried so far- people there just seemed to click with each other quite quickly and (although they were too polite to say it) I could tell they didn't really warm to me

That's what I think MN is for! (caveat, I have friends in RL, but they are all busy with their own lives and/or have heard me ranting on about my situation so many times I'm afraid I'm boring them). MN is there any time of the day or night, full of virtual hugs and straight talking advice. Just because it's online doesn't make it any less real.

I'm embarrassed to say that I pretend to work colleagues that I'm "normal" as I'm ashamed of how I am-- I've even pretended to go on holiday with friends before as I'm so embarrassed to have no one to spend ,y holidays with

Ah bless you. Where are you based? Could you join a meet up group?

You're never too old to make friends, so you haven't missed the boat!! Where do you live? Is it busy or quiet? How old are you? I know what you mean about this time of year. I hate it.

Hello OP, sorry to hear you're feeling like this 💐 Long work hours can make attending classes or groups tricky, but it has potential. I think exercise classes can be a bit lonely - easy to just go, do it & leave without interacting. Something like salsa classes (might not be at all your thing, I realise) at least require interaction! Craft-based things can be sociable. What sort of things do you like doing?

Thank you all for replying. I think what I meant by missing the friendship boat is just that so many people seem to have Long established friendship groups by the time they are my age (nearly 40!) and aren't really looking to make new friends as life is already really busy for them- and women my age in particular seem (quite rightly and quite understandably) to build new friendships around parenthood - nct groups or school mum friends or just other people going through the same experiences, which seems to be another gulf between us. In terms of what I like doing- I read a lot, I used to be very into music but have kind of fallen out of that recently. I spend a lot of time on the internet

Sorry for all the typos, am on my phone!

Could you volunteer anywhere locally so you were meeting people? . Or do a nightclass even though you probably are tired after work? Or go to stuff at your local church. If they are not friendly and welcoming go to another one. Do you own your own house? Could you take in a lodger so house wouldnt be so quiet?
Feel free to pm me anytime as l enjoy chatting to new people.

Are there any book clubs you could sign up for?

I don’t have many friends because I’m bit standoffish until I get to know people.

I have recently started to make more of an effort, exercise classes are not great places to make friends I don’t think. Running clubs are very friendly? I joined one a couple of weeks ago and they have been incredibly welcoming.

Go on meetup? What are your interests? History ? There are always history groups around.

What about WI? Alto my local one was not friendly at all but guess they are all different.

In don’t think most people have lots of friends, Facebook makes us think we do

And please free to pm me and let me know whereabouts you live.

Maybe you might find a meetup book club. Its often easier to spark up conversation when it's a shared interest.

I second joining a book group - check on the noticeboard of your local library, they often advertise there. They are among the more sociable of groups because you have to talk - many other activities it's just rock up, do the activity and then go home. Book groups are all about the talking!

And if you're online a lot, join all the forums that centre around your interests. Online friends count too!

What area are you in? (Obviously no need to be too precise)

Thanks for the suggestions- strangely I've always felt too nervous to join a book group as I've always worried there would be too much focus on me- as in I would need to talk and have everyone listening, or else sit there not talking while everyone things "why doesn't she have anything to say"- I'm overthinking it I know! I have literally just sent a request to join a Meetup group in my town which looks to have people around my age in it, so maybe that's a small step in the right direction. Apologies if I disappear soon, I'm up at 5 for work so tend to go to bed quite early! Thank you again for your replies, I can't tell you how much it means to me to talk to people in the evening

Sorry, am not ignoring all the location questions- I'm near London

Early start too or I'd hang around but just wanted to say you sound self aware, articulate & lovely.

Thank you Prophet, that's possibly the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me

I'm also quite lonely OP. As others have said I'd be more than happy to talk to you. I love a good conversation.