Just want someone to talk to

[Whenthepawn]

I don't think this is really the right place for this, as it's not really a relationship issue, but I don't know where to post. I'm so lonely. So so lonely. I don't have a single friend in the world (I know people post sometimes saying they have no friends and they mean - no friends nearby, or no close friends - I have literally none at all). There's nobody I could call or text or email, nobody to meet up with ever - I seem to cope with it sometimes better than others, but as it heads towards winter the evenings seem to become so hard - just the quiet around the house seems to weigh in on me until I feel like I'm being crushed. I went into town the other day to buy some bits and pieces, and ended up just crying - when I see other women out with their friends having lunch or drinks or shopping I just feel how desperately I would like to have that in my life, but it just doesn't seem to be something I've ever been able to achieve. I'm not sure what I'm really posting for - I think just I wanted to talk to some real people.

@Whenthepawn I am near London too. I am the same as you (family dysfunction wise and having no friends wise!) if you want to meet up pop me a PM, or even if you just want to text etc, its really shitty feeling lonely i know and nobody needs to be!

If you do - you may have to tell me you have on here as i dont get mail through the app i dont think?

Sorry you are in this situation. Book groups,WI, Meetups and volunteering are all good suggestions. Parkrun has been suggested on here as good for meeting people, maybe volunteer as a Marshall if you don't run. How about a knitting group or a night class in local history or anything really?

I think you sound lovely by the way.

National Trust run volunteering holidays by the way - cheap holiday and a way to meet people.

I made new friends in London by volunteering for a charity for the elderly and a sports club x

I'm another one near London, always happy to make new friends if you fancy an afternoon shopping and eating cake. Can never have too many friends or too much cake.

Lovely thread, I'd have a drink with when the pawn, just a bit too far away. Will watch with warm interest.

Bloody brave of them to say they are lonely. Bigger issue in our society than most realise. OP try to find yesterday's edition of "the food programme" on radio 4, you might find it of interest

I find walking clubs a really easy way to hang out with people, no pressure. You walk along and then go through a gate and suddenly you're walking with someone/s else. The convo is so unpressured, you just kind of amble along. Some walking groups are snobby mind but ime most are lovely.

Seconding volunteering as a great way to gradually get to know people. What you need op is time to warm up and feel comfortable.

And not everyone did the uni /marriage /kids thing, either. You really are far from alone with your experiences - there's a thought: we are in a huge community of the lonely - strangely comforting!

You sound great btw. You're also successful in your career which is more than I've managed xx

Do you sing? Choirs are such a good way to become part of a community. Many are not auditioned so it doesn't matter if you can't sing lol

Unfortunately I am too far away, but I've spent time today baking cake for a charity cake sale tomorrow. Pm me if you would like to chat on Facebook / WhatsAp

I'm in SE London and always about. I don't have many friends either. We should all do a meet up one day over cake or wine

OK - google "Find a community choir" - don't panic! I really mean this. They do not care whether you can read music, or even if you have a good voice. They are just for fun and are for everyone. They are usually full of lots of people, so no-one can hear your voice in particular. Not only is it fun and a good way to meet people, but singing is proven to be very very good for your mood - it releases happy chemicals.

I have run (and do run) these choirs - and have run groups for folk with mental health problems and the transformation is remarkable.

Just do it!!!!!

Oh yes Blossom, a friend of mine runs a community choir & people who go really enjoy it & have made friends there. How's your day been OP?

There was an episode of the This American Life podcast recently - the last one I think - about how hard it is to make friends as an adult. It's not you; as you say, you've just missed the boat a bit.

One thing that makes it easier as a child or student - if you are able to be sociable - is that you are in a class of people who automatically meet up regularly for other reasons and are not just there to make friends. You simply see each other often enough that you might get into conversation. Recreating that setup in a regular book club or hiking group is really not a bad idea.

Aso, accepting the fact that you might just make fairly superficial friends - so not giving up because you are not having intimate conversations - is quite important. If you can see those more superficial relationships as a good thing rather than as a sign that you don't have any proper friends, then you'll get something out of them at least, and who knows, it might get at least a little closer over time.

Thought I'd say "Hi"

I too am in my late 30's and i think its safe to say i dont have friends as such. I have 2 people in my life that I call friends but I hardly see or hear from them.

I feel your pain. I sometimes long for 'girly' sessions, although i am not particularly girly per se it would be nice to have girlfriends to shop with etc

I work shifts in a male orientated environment and have found myself feeing quite low about life.

Thats why I joined Mumsnet recently :)

I have a bf and a daughter but still feel like im wasting my life sometimes

Loneliness is a very painful thing and something that is suffered by many people not just singletons with no apparent friends. Even those who have a partner and friends can feel the intense pain of loneliness.

People make helpful suggestions about joining clubs or taking up hobbies but it often doesnt help. The loneliness is often a symptom of something about us,about the individual. They may feel lacking in confidence, socially awkward or inept.

Pretending is not the way forward.

Recognising that YOU are not alone in this respect is the first step.

Just BE YOURSELF,with no pretence. Accept who and what you are and use that as a foundation to build on.

I speak as I find Whenthepawn

I'm just sad I'm not closer geographically to you, being further up the M1 but I think it would be very cool if those who are nearby do indeed meet up What have you got to lose? By virtue of being MNers you're all bound to be lovely! It just takes a few brave people to commit...

Hi Op! I just wanted to reply as your thread struck a chord with me. I don't have any friends. Well, I have 1 but we seem to be drifting apart sadly... I don't have a good relationship with my family. I have my DP (no children) but we are going through a strange patch.... that all sounds quite depressing!
I'm 33, I like music too. (I don't play any instruments or anything..!) I live near Leeds, a little far from you. Pm me if you like :) I understand how painful the loneliness can be. Has anyone mentioned meet up.com ? I've been meaning to try that.. apparently it's very good but I haven't had the courage to have a look yet.