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Original poster

Got to be on my best behaviour

49 replies

amz123 · 03/10/2017 01:19

So I'm with this guy and have been for four years. I love him so much...........sometimes I think too much! We broke up in June as I found he was messaging a girl in America. I wanted him back (silly maybe) I read through the messages and even phones the girl. Not bad in the messages but just that he lied to me and made me believe him when he reassured me.

But now we are back together it's like I have to behave a certain way or he says things are going back to how they were and the. Of course I worry that he will do it again.

I had to change the following otherwise he wouldn't come back-
-let him smoke weed at home or when ever he likes.

  • not message him in the day as he doesn't have time to respond
  • don't be shitty if he is home late which he is home late three eves a week as he sees his daughter but some nights he doesn't get back until 11pm. Has to travel 1 1/2 hours.
  • don't be so hot on his phone, even tho he was messaging another girl I'm meant to trust him again.
  • let his dad say when ever really. His dad is a difficult man and come to say every couple of months. And he has been rude to me by accusing me of cheating when I was at work all day. But yet I was in the wrong for having a go at him.

Im worried that I won't be able to trust him again and I bring this girl up most of the time if we argue. He broke my heart as I really trusted everything he told me.
Even now the though of what he did. Makes me so up set and brings me to tears.

I wish I didn't love him as he can be a right arsehole. I don't know why i can't just walk away.

OP posts:
LifeofClimb · 03/10/2017 01:22

If you don't trust him, there's really no point. That's all it boils down to, really!

Original poster
amz123 · 03/10/2017 01:23

I know but when I love him and I can't walk away. I can't do it. How do you stop loving someone.

OP posts:
Mulch · 03/10/2017 01:24

Nope, he's got ok to behave however he wants from you. What do you get out of this relationship? Would you want any of your kids to be treat this way?

Original poster
amz123 · 03/10/2017 01:35

Nothing all I ask for is a little contact throughout the day. Just a text and he can't give me that. No I wouldn't want my daughter with someone like him but again I can't help but love him and I'm prob too scared to be on my own.

He is 37 and sponges off me 27 year old who have a 7 year old and works full time. Yet I pay for everything he has nothing to his name and always come to me for money if he can't pay his bills.

On paper I know I should get rid and find someone who appreciates me. And not someone like him. 😡

OP posts:
Out2pasture · 03/10/2017 02:08

He obviously doesn’t love the person who you are. Please don’t waste further time or money on this sponge.

RoderickRules · 03/10/2017 02:13

What do you love about him?
Yuck.

Have a look on baggagereclaim and put some effort and energy into your recovery from this leech.

Glastokitty · 03/10/2017 03:27

This man is treating you like shit, he doesn't love you. You have to put on your big girl pants and yet rid. I know you think you love him, but honestly, why? Why settle for someone who treats you so badly?

AnyFucker · 03/10/2017 03:32

Who died and made him king ?

It upsets me to see women so subservient to men. Did feminism completely pass you by because you seem to think you are inferior to him and he is entitled to treat you like dirt

I hope he is shit hot in bed at least because he certainly has fuck all else going for him

Shoxfordian · 03/10/2017 05:59

He seriously thinks he can give you a list of conditions?! Why on earth would you accept this? I know you said you love him but what is there to love about this behaviour.

Angelf1sh · 03/10/2017 06:01

Break up with him, break up with him, BREAK UP WITH HIM!!

He's a waste of space, will destroy you mentally and financially, probably leave you holding a baby and, if he isn't already, will cheat on you again. He is not a catch, he's a shit.

The whole "I love him, I can't leave him" thing is bullshit. Have some self-respect ffs - he cheats on you and then he decides that he will only come back if you change your behaviour and expectations? Wtf is that about? He should be changing HIS behaviour to please you!! You are telling him that you are a doormat so don't be surprised when he walks over you.

Yes you'll be sad when you leave and you'll cry for a few weeks but then you'll be less sad and then you'll be fine. In a year you'll have forgotten him. If you stay with him you'll be totally fucked in a year. He's not worth it, go now!

FreakinScaryCaaw · 03/10/2017 06:07

I feel sorry for your child. You have a choice where you live and with whom. They don't.

jeaux90 · 03/10/2017 06:21

You have been conditioned by him to act in a certain way.

Look up narcissistic and I bet he ticks a few of those boxes.

Then leave. He's sounds absolutely awful and I can guarantee he won't change.

Bet he's lovely to you occasionally. This is an act to keep you hooked, the real him in an asshole

Mulch · 03/10/2017 06:25

I'm prob too scared to be on my own

That's not love that's imsecurity

DamnDeDoubtanceIsSpartacus · 03/10/2017 06:27

Start respecting yourself and get this man out of your life. I would suggest some time alone, work on your self worth.

Mustardnowletsnotbesilly · 03/10/2017 06:28

The only thing that stops you loving someone or realising that what you had with them wasn't love is time and space.

What would you say to your best mate in this situation or your daughter. You'd say get out and that is just what you should do.

PringlesPirate · 03/10/2017 06:31

So he has broken your trust, yet he’s the one putting conditions on him staying?

I think you need to make a decision on whether you’re ok with knowing that he treated you so badly and then continues to treat you badly because you want him around.

Love and a relationship is s two way street. But I think he needs you more than you need him. It’s just that he’s got you thinking it’s the other way round.

Bekabeech · 03/10/2017 06:32

Find your self respect!
To help find real care for your dc, how could you let her be around someone like this?

Treat it as if you are addicted. Get rid of him and the break all connections. Block him on everything. Do not go where you might “bump into” him.
Get friends to help you stay strong. And fill your life and time with positive activities.

And the Freedom Programme might help.

OliviaStabler · 03/10/2017 06:40

I am sorry but he doesn't love you or care about you. You have to find your courage and throw him out. Not easy but he is treating you like shit. Do you want your dc having him as a role model?

AJPTaylor · 03/10/2017 06:46

what are you teaching your 7 year old?

TheBakeryQueen · 03/10/2017 07:03

He sounds repulsive. Seriously, you need to muster up some strength and dump him. I wouldn't even give him an explanation, just say 'this isn't working for me anymore'. I guarantee he will come begging, but don't fall for it. You need to get your self respect back.

You need to fill your time so you don't spend it thinking about him.

lasttimeround · 03/10/2017 07:20

You can't be serious. Get rid of this nasty leech. You say you love him. You don't youre just enmeshed part of you feels this poor treatment is what you deserve. You don't. Chuck him out try 30 days no contact .think of it like pulling out a rotten tooth. It'll hurt like he'll but has to be done to heal. Otherwise the rot will spread throughout your life

Joysmum · 03/10/2017 07:27

What is is about him that you love?

How can you still want to be with soomeine who has no regard for you?

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 03/10/2017 07:27

Do you think you can live like this for the ready of your life? With theses "rules", put down by him? I wonder what other "rules" he'll think off, in the future?Hmm

You are a grown woman, please find some courage and leave this nasty individual because you may love him but he does not love you.

DamnDeDoubtanceIsSpartacus · 03/10/2017 07:28

Please do not raise a child in this environment, it's so damaging and love for a man is not worth that.

TealStar · 03/10/2017 07:30

For the sake of your daughter get away now.

This isn't love, at most this is limmerence.

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