Debt collectors

[firsttimemum97]

I've been with s/o for 19 months, and we've both struggled financially. Now I'm 8 months pregnant and we have just settled into our house (renting) and it's going smoothly. Well, I answered the door this morning to a well presented guy who asked whether s/o was around to which I said no because he was in bed after a long shift. When s/o woke up I asked him about the 'urgent' letter to which he replied it was just debt collectors. He left for work at half 5 and I called my mum who told me to find out what it said, so I opened it. Apparently they are coming back tomorrow to take stuff from the house which I have tried so hard to build up from nothing. He doesn't know I've opened it but I feel so upset. I can't decide whether to be angry or to help him. What would you do in this situation?

You can't go on his behalf. Tell him you opened the letter because it looked important and that it's a good job you did.

Just go to the council tomorrow, lock all your doors and windows and then when it's sorted don't default on it. He can't just refuse to pay council tax! It's up there with the likes of rent/mortgage! Can land yourself in a lot of trouble not paying it.

He refuses to pay Council tax and water bills?

Right, take what you can tonight and move back your mum's, if that's possible. If not just move stuff and start working on an exit plan.

He isn't going to change and right now he is taking the piss out of you. If you stay with him you will spent your life working to pay his debts off.

I know you may not want to leave him, but it really is the best thing you can do for yourself and your child. Is the tenancy agreement in both names?

He doesn't want to pay water or council tax? Who does? But we all have to.

He's clearly not grown up enough to live on his own and be responsible and pay bills.

Leave before he drags you down with him. At the very least take charge of paying the rent , get him to pay you his half of everything, that includes rent and all utilities!

Listen to me on this subject, please.

This was me, 12 years ago.

trying to hold together a household while my dumbass drifter partner did exactly as he pleased.

We were in rent arrears - nice MNers sent me a Christmas bundle so we could have a Christmas dinner. We owed money to elctric company, gas company, water company, Sky AND BT.

He could not control his bank account. He was always getting bank charge after bank charge after bank charge.

I ran so low on money I nearly gave myself scurvy when I went onto maternity leave with Ds2 because my employer had been feeding me and I couldn't afford to feed myself AND ds1. I learned how to make 2 sausages feed four people.

And still the debt piled up. He used to buy himself fizzy drinks, small branded bottles, from the local shop, on his way home, when we didn't even have enough meat to feed the children, never mind the adults.

And this is you right now, isn't it? Living with a man who doesn't fash himself to keep a roof over yourheads as long as he still has his xbox. A man who cares more for his wants than your needs.

Do you have somewhere to go?

WTF? He refuses to pay water or council tax? That's hilarious.

I take it he pays gas and electric seeing as you pay for food and household stuff?

Just so you know, if he's £1000 overdrawn he hasnt "saved" anything. You understand that an overdraft is a debt, right? An interest free debt but a debt nonetheless, and I imagine he's at his overdraft limit now.

So technically, the debt is £1,700. He has £700 "saved", that can go on the tax.

You still need to clear the overdraft. You cannot live this far in the red this early on in your life, it'll only get worse.

You dont have to be worried or scared, this isnt going to be a problem.

But you and most especially him need to wake up and get your finances sorted. An overdraft is not free money. I repeat, it's a form of debt. Does he have major expenses or something?

Go home to your mum love.
Take your stuff and the babies stuff and go.
He will not get better. this will not get easier.
You will be checking up aftergim for the rest of your life.

Just to clarify the point of an overdraft is to help you out with an emergency or if you've fucked up a bit and need a bit of help in the days leading up to payday. Its not meant to be maxed out and permanently at its limit: because the bank can and will suddenly remove your overdraft without much warning because it thinks you're taking the piss. This has actually happened to me.

So imagine one pay day, his salary goes in bringing him out of his overdraft but only putting the balance at like £150 or something. And then your overdraft gets removed. All of a sudden, you have a whole . month of living and expenses to pay for with just £150. And thats when you start turning to "real debt" solutions.

Thought you had left him last April. Why did you go back to him???

You really need to just grab your stuff and go. It isn't going to get any better.

And you at 19 are trying to sort the financial mess made by a 32 year old??

Also, speaking from experience, if you bail out someone in debt they just do it again and again. Let him face the consequences of his actions, and sort it out or it won't mean a thing.

is it an old council tax debt? Any current debt would be in joint names?

Dealing with bailiffs
You usually don’t have to open your door to a bailiff or let them in.
www.gov.uk/your-rights-bailiffs

Bailiffs can’t enter your home:

by force, for example by pushing past you
if only children under 16 or vulnerable people (with disabilities, for example) are present
between 9pm and 6am
through anything except the door

They can't take stuff for your baby or essentials like cooker, or anything that isn't his (are you named too?). They won't want to take anything as resale values won't cover the debt and it is a hassle. Payment is preferable. Can you ring him at work , tell him he sorts out it now or you leave? Why does he feel above paying basic bills like council tax and water when he apparently can afford an xbox etc.

Go home to your mum love.
Take your stuff and the babies stuff and go.

^this. This is headed nowhere good. He will ruin you emotionally and financially if you stay.

I've just read your other threads, one very recent.

This man does nothing to help you, won't pay his way, and has been violent towards you.

LEAVE HIM NOW. Please , do it for your unborn child if nothing else.

If he's got savings then he can pay his debts...he just doesn't want to by te sound of it

I did leave him but i made the mistake of going back. I'm stupid really. I can get my stuff out by the end of the week but I will still have to see him at work for the next month. I know he's irresponsible and is a total piss taking person but I thought he would have been more honest. If i call tonight and I tell him they are coming tomorrow then he will move his stuff next door to his mates before they get here. I think he needs to learn by his mistakes. My mum is coming tomorrow incase they come so she can help me pack my stuff and leave

Bailiffs can enter if they have a warrant from court.

Good god, leave him!! Let the bailiff season take his precious Xbox might teach him a lesson. Take control of your finances, ask your mum to help you organise I’ll see etc coz he’s clearly not paying them! Stop giving him money, pay the rent direct to the landlord!

At 19 without wanting to sound condescending your only a wee one and he's pulled the wool right over your eyes. Listen to those around you who fell for the shisters in the past and get out. Asap. Seeing him at work hold your head up high and ignore the immature tit

From your other thread;

*At first I never saw anything bad about him and was head over heels.
He makes me feel bad about things I shouldn't feel bad about at all. He complains if I spend money or want to buy food to eat at work when we have out of date food in the fridge. For some reason he doesn't understand that it's not the way I want to live.
If I talk to him about buying something he tells me I have to save for the baby yet he spends most of his time drinking or on his Xbox.
I wouldn't call him abusive but sometimes I do question it. On New Year's Eve I had been taking anti depressants which he wasn't happy about and me being me didn't real the side effects of drinking alcohol which led to me going in and out of consciousness as well as not being able to move due to being extremely drunk (I had two pints). He was pulling me around the bathroom and was forcefully putting his hands down my throat. Regardless of that I forgave him.
I know this is lengthy but on multiple occasions he's pushed me into walls and pinned me down so I can't leave.

I had my first midwife appointment today which they asked if I had any mental health issues or suffered domestic violence but because he wouldn't leave I couldn't tell my midwife.*

You really need to leave permanently because of this.

Confide in your midwife, go to the council’s office and explain you need to flee DV and they will try to find you housing.

Second time lucky

It will be hard not to cave, because men like this have turned weakness into a weapon, and will use their incompetence to make you feel like it's your job to help them.

Iam astrong person, and I bet you are too. Strong, but young, like I was, believing that with the right support everyone can do well.

Most people CAN do well, but people who haven't got their act together by 30 just are not going to. Cut your losses. A house where bailiffs knock on the door is no environment to raise a baby and you can do so much, so very very much better.

How long have you been living together? You need to make sure that the council tax and water are paid for the period you lived there, then go back to your mum's and make sure you've got your name off all the bills!

She doesn't, Desperado, she needs to leave now before he hurts her agaon

Just read your other thread, you midwife will want to see you alone at some point, it’s a rule so they can talk to you without partner there so you should definitely bring up what’s happening at home. Please just leave him this is no life to live and he’s going to get worse once your baby is born.