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Original poster

Husband emailed other woman

42 replies

Sunpainting · 01/10/2017 13:36

Feeling so sick. I found an email my husband has sent to his colleague who he had a short affair with before we got married. I didn't find out for 3 years then it came out when our baby was only a few months old, as well as a few other cheating episodes. Due to how long ago it was and the fact that we have a child and home together I decided to forgive him.
He said I could check his phone etc and I found an email he'd sent her saying sorry things hadnt worked out with her current boyfriend, that he's sure she will find someone else and that he'd had a dream about her the other night where she'd invited her into the shower.
Am I overreacting or is that just a totally inappropriate Email to send her considering they had a fling and we are trying to rebuild trust? I'm torn between maybe I'm making too much out of it to why the fuck is he sending her an email like this?

OP posts:
PsychoPumpkin · 01/10/2017 13:40

He shouldn’t be in contact with her at all, and the content of that email is far from innocent. It sounds as if he’s heard she’s available again and is putting the feelers out to gauge her interest in him.

If he’s trying to build back the trust between you, he’s doing a crappy job of it.

newjobblewobble · 01/10/2017 13:40

He's heard she's single and wants to see if she's open to the idea of picking up where they left off. You're not over reacting at all. Tell him he's had his one and only chance and he's blown it.

And I'm sorry.

lasttimeround · 01/10/2017 13:41

Er any email about a dream where someone invited someone into a shower is inappropriate

lasttimeround · 01/10/2017 13:41

And yes he's fishing

pinkyredrose · 01/10/2017 13:42

You can't trust him. At all. I'd start getting your ducks in a row.

MangosteenSoda · 01/10/2017 13:47

It doesn't sound like he is a trustworthy partner. I think the email to the former affair woman sounds like he's fishing. I guess he believes he can get away with things. It might be sort-out-able, but not until he really understands there are consequences to cheating.

newjobblewobble · 01/10/2017 13:51

Weird that he knows you check his phone and he's left that email for you to find.

Original poster
Sunpainting · 01/10/2017 13:57

I feel like I've struggled to be intimate with him after what's happened and I wonder if he's craving attention and excitement from her instead

OP posts:
Original poster
Sunpainting · 01/10/2017 13:58

He'd deleted the email but it was retrievable from an archive

OP posts:
PsychoPumpkin · 01/10/2017 13:59

I bet he deleted lots more before he gave you the phone then

Pinkflamingo121318 · 01/10/2017 13:59

Have you spoken to him?

I would go crazy if I found that. I can honestly say I would throw DH out for that. He could do one. I don't see how I could trust him after that.

newjobblewobble · 01/10/2017 14:00

Don't make excuses for him.

schoolgaterebel · 01/10/2017 14:00

He emailed his ex lover (who is newly single) and told her he had a dream about her in the shower.

I really sorry OP, it’s time to pack his bags for him. This is unforgivable.

Original poster
Sunpainting · 01/10/2017 14:02

I haven't as yet as I think I need to make a firm decision about what I want to do. or maybe we can talk it through? Fuck I have no idea - just feel sick.

OP posts:
newjobblewobble · 01/10/2017 14:05

You're already struggling to be intimate and struggling to trust him, all understandably so. But how can you possibly improve that now?

Get him out and then think, if you really must. Because give him an inch and he'll take a mile, clearly.

Original poster
Sunpainting · 01/10/2017 14:08

I told him that I didn't want him to send any personal emails to her. Just keep it strictly to work. He agreed. I sound for fucking weak and like a fool. I just don't want this to be over but I don't know how much More I can take. Why didn't he think about me or his child before sending that email?!

OP posts:
strongasmeringue · 01/10/2017 14:09

He's a fucking prat.

What do you want to do? Not what's best for the dc or him, but what is best for you?

newjobblewobble · 01/10/2017 14:10

I hate to sound so blunt, but he will have thought of you. How could he not? That's why he deleted it. But he decided it was worth the risk anyway.

userxx · 01/10/2017 14:10

You do realise he isn't going to stop? How long have you been together and what were the other cheating incidents?

Original poster
Sunpainting · 01/10/2017 14:17

Been together 10 years. Other women at work. Both quite a while ago. It all came out at the same time.

OP posts:
TeslasDeathRay · 01/10/2017 14:21

If it were me, I'd be thinking about leaving. You've forgiven him once. He knows he can get away with this kind of behaviour because the only consequence of it is talking things over. It doesn't sound like he respects you very much. Why should you put up with somebody being that heartless? You deserve much better than that. Flowers

PhelanGood · 01/10/2017 14:35

He is a liar and serial cheat my love. You seem like a sweet forgiving woman and you must have some serious inner strength to have come back from what he's put you through. I know you and DC will be fine without him, if that's what you choose to do. He hasn't changed, and you deep down know this from the fact you even feel the need to snoop on his emails - the trust is gone. It can't have been an innocent flirty comment as why would he have tried to hide it from you? He should be being ultra cautious not to give her the slightest of signals. GOD KNOWS what he's like with her in person.

LT utter B. Don't listen to any more of his bullshit, as unlike his other woman in that shower - it won't wash.

AntagonyAunt · 01/10/2017 14:36

So sorry op but he shouldn't be trusted. Definitely fishing. If he's not happy with any part of your relationship he should talk to you about it, not go seeking fulfilment elsewhere.
You need to decide whether you want to move on or waste your life.

MaisieDotes · 01/10/2017 14:38

You don't sound weak or like a fool at all.

I think this would be the end for me OP.

Smeaton · 01/10/2017 14:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.