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Relationships

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Cheating husband

65 replies

Micaella · 29/09/2017 17:13

I met my husband in the UK 4 years ago when I was 19yr after one year he was deported back to Algeria. I decided to stay with him and would visit him in Algeria whenever I could, we eventually got married in Algeria last year and I am currently pregnant. We started proceedings for his family visa application however last week I found out he cheated on me and slept with another girl, he also has lots of girls on snapchat which have nude and disgusting videos/pictures of themselves. I just cant believe he cheated while I am 37weeks pregnant and nearly giving birth I feel so shocked, hurt and alone. On top of it he denied the whole thing and when he eventually admitted it he said it wasnt a big deal what he did it was just a one night stand. I told him I can no longer be with him, he said ‘okay thats fine but could you carry on with the visa application so I can get to the UK so that I can be there for the baby’. I just feel like I shouldn’t do him any favours after what he’s put me through I feel so stupid and used, but at the same time Im the only chance he has of coming to the UK and I dont my daughter to be without a father. Can anyone offer advice, thank you.

OP posts:
Offred · 30/09/2017 11:32

Unfortunately you don't really have control over what he will do re your daughter.

It must all be such a shock.

I don't think you can now support his visa application on the basis of being your husband though.

He will be able to apply for a visa when your daughter is born on the basis of being her father.

I think for now your priority needs to be preparing for the birth and you need to put all of this (and dealing with him) out of your mind until she is here and you are recovered.

Offred · 30/09/2017 11:36

What did your parents have to say about the whole thing?

Offred · 30/09/2017 11:39

If this marriage and baby is genuine and not just for a visa then he will apply for his own visa and he will show you he is committed to the baby. That doesn't mean of course that it is wise for you to continue in a relationship with him of course.

EmeraldIsle100 · 30/09/2017 11:41

OP the only dad your baby needs is a loving dad. Your husband does not fall into that category. Read the threads on here to see what damage a useless father can inflict on a child. I truly believe that an absent father causes less damage than a crap father who is present.

I feel strongly about it because of the damage my EXH caused to our children by being a selfish abusive father. I truly believe that my DC lives would have been happier without him in it.

Put yourself and your baby first. You are young and you will meet someone who really loves you. Ditch him.

emmilymorgan · 30/09/2017 11:43

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fuzzywuzzy · 30/09/2017 11:57

He had a baby with you to strengthen his visa application.

I've a friend who's ex only married her and had a baby to ensure he got to stay in the country.

He's an evil abusive cunt.

OP stop all visa applications, he can apply all by himself if he wants do not help him. Don't have his name on the birth certificate don't do anything for him.

Ineedmorelemonpledge · 30/09/2017 12:00

It's a steep learning curve but yes, it does sound like you were being used to secure a Visa op. And of course his family could be welcoming, you are like a walking 100% chance lottery ticket.

Next you'd be arranged for his mum to come and help look after the baby. Or he'd secure a job with good earnings and send money home.

Do you have parents op? To support you?

marfisa · 30/09/2017 12:10

Sigh to the spam message above -- reported.

OP, I can see why you want your child to have a father. And to be honest, I don't think it will be easy for your exDH to get a visa to come to the UK as the parent of a British child (he's meant to show active involvement in the child's life, which it will be hard to do if he's in Algeria).

But as others are saying, he does not sound like someone who cares about being a committed father. You are heavily pregnant with his child, and when he cheated on you, he expressed no remorse. When you told him you wanted to split up, he said 'that's fine' Shock ... but told you he still wants a visa!

That's a terrible way to treat the mother of his soon-to-be child. If he treats you so badly, what kind of father is he going to be? It's the best interests of the child that matter here, and he doesn't seem concerned at all about the best interests of his child. Sad

Applying for a spousal visa under false pretences would be wrong. You are going through a terrible time, but hard as it is, how he gets a visa to be with his child now that he has treated her mother so appallingly is HIS problem, not yours.

You are young and the odds are strong that you will find a partner in the future who will be a REAL father to your DD.

Flowers
KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 30/09/2017 12:14

Without sounding harsh, the baby was to strengthen his case for a visa.

Marriage isn't always a strong enough reason for granting a visa anymore.

steve6188 · 04/10/2017 02:37

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steve6188 · 04/10/2017 02:51

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NightWatcher · 04/10/2017 02:56

Feck off, will you, steve....

CakesRUs · 04/10/2017 03:14

What a horrible situation. I don't think he's thinking of his daughter the way you are. If he gets his visa, you split up and he never sees her which, if I'm honest, wouldn't be surprising- how would that make you feel.

Best of luck to you Flowers

midsummabreak · 04/10/2017 03:22

Sorry your partner has treated you this way. You deserve to be treated with respect and love, and I hope you can spend time with family and friends while you get over this arsehole with a capital A. So many children have only one parent involved in their lives and grow up fine. Its the children who have an abusive parent who wont leave who are emotionally harmed. All along, in your pregnancy, your daughter has had you looking out for her, I'm sure, and that means so much.

Not saying its all roses & white picket fences for single parents, but single parents do rock! And many are not single forever. 🌸

Leilaniii · 04/10/2017 03:53

I would be terrified he might decide to take the child back to his home country without your consent.

This. Sadly, I know many women who have had their DC taken this way. None of them thought this would happen to them, all of them thought their DP would never do this to them, all of them thought the British Embassy would get their DC back. Nope. Most of the fathers are not bringing up the DC themselves, they've just dumped them with their parents in their home countries.

Oh, and why would he want a child with you? Because it improves his chances of getting citizenship.

Sorry to be harsh and cynical. There are loads of foreign nationals who are excellent husbands and fathers and deserve citizenship, but sadly I don't think that is the case here.

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