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Original poster

Cheating husband

65 replies

Micaella · 29/09/2017 17:13

I met my husband in the UK 4 years ago when I was 19yr after one year he was deported back to Algeria. I decided to stay with him and would visit him in Algeria whenever I could, we eventually got married in Algeria last year and I am currently pregnant. We started proceedings for his family visa application however last week I found out he cheated on me and slept with another girl, he also has lots of girls on snapchat which have nude and disgusting videos/pictures of themselves. I just cant believe he cheated while I am 37weeks pregnant and nearly giving birth I feel so shocked, hurt and alone. On top of it he denied the whole thing and when he eventually admitted it he said it wasnt a big deal what he did it was just a one night stand. I told him I can no longer be with him, he said ‘okay thats fine but could you carry on with the visa application so I can get to the UK so that I can be there for the baby’. I just feel like I shouldn’t do him any favours after what he’s put me through I feel so stupid and used, but at the same time Im the only chance he has of coming to the UK and I dont my daughter to be without a father. Can anyone offer advice, thank you.

OP posts:
flumpybear · 30/09/2017 09:34

He sounds like he's using you. Tell him you'll sort the visa out so you can get home with your baby then tell him to sort it himself

TheRealBiscuitAddict · 30/09/2017 09:41

You planned a pregnancy with a man you weren't even living with and who had been deported from the UK who has been shagging other women, doesn't love you and now you're going to help him get a visa?

OP you have been incredibly stupid and naive. Time to wake up and realise that you've been used all along, he never loved you and the visa was the prize. As for the baby, he's a man. He can just disappear into the sunset never to be seen again once he's got his in back into the UK.

Sorry but little sympathy here. The press and the internet is full of these stories. Women ought to bloody well know better.

Offred · 30/09/2017 09:42

I think that's really harsh biscuit the OP's only 19. Yes, it is obvious to me but I'm 33 and have been around the block!

PNGirl · 30/09/2017 09:44

This is the oldest trick in the book. Did it honestly never occur to you that this is a recommended course of action for men wanting to come to the UK from North Africa? I bet it did to your friends and family.

No to the Visa. Definitely. You won't see him for dust.

PNGirl · 30/09/2017 09:46

The OP is 23/24.

Offred · 30/09/2017 09:53

Sorry I misread. She met him at 19 though. I can see how she ended up in this situation. Yes it is very unwise, yes it seems obvious from the outside but this is effectively a form of grooming and one that women of all ages have fallen for. I think it's completely him that has done something wrong and it's completely the op who is going to make all the sacrifices and take all the responsibility for it.

TheRealBiscuitAddict · 30/09/2017 09:58

At nineteen I can see why she was drawn in, but then he was deported so she went to Algeria to marry him? How did she presume their ever after life was going to happen if he'd been deported from the UK?

I'm guessing he was turned down for a spousal visa hence why he then suggested they have a baby together instead.

What's happened has happened and there's no doubt that OP is going to be left to pick up the pieces. But she does now have control and she needs to tell him to do one.

And where are her friends and family in all this? Did no-one ever tell her she was likely just a free visa ticket for this arsehole? Being deported from the UK must have been a bit of a red flag in itself, no?

ShitOrBust · 30/09/2017 10:00

Visa. That's all he's been after.

TheRealBiscuitAddict · 30/09/2017 10:03

In fact if the OP goes along with this latest ploy of his to get into the UK then she is complicit in helping him to fraudulently gain a UK visa. The marriage is over. She's already said that. Therefor there is no reason for obtaining a family visa as they're not a family.

If he wants to see his child then he will make the effort to do so. Chances are he won't though.

Offred · 30/09/2017 10:05

How did she presume their ever after life was going to happen if he'd been deported from the UK?

Because he groomed her...

BrieAndChilli · 30/09/2017 10:06

If it was me I would come back and not put him on the birth certificate, then he has less chance of being able to have used me and my child for a visa.

BrieAndChilli · 30/09/2017 10:06

There was a thread a while ago where this scenario happened and I think it turned quite nasty of the OP

Offred · 30/09/2017 10:09

It's not that I think the things you are saying are factually wrong biscuit. It's that people like this put a lot of effort into grooming women who are vulnerable.

It won't matter whether he is on the birth certificate or not if they are legally married, if the uk recognises their marriage he will be assumed to be that baby's father.

Xanadu44 · 30/09/2017 10:10

Whose idea was it to have a baby OP?

Offred · 30/09/2017 10:12

She can minimise her involvement in his visa scam by telling the uk authorities she believes the marriage was fraudulent and an attempt to obtain a visa and by not supporting his visa application. I would think that was the sensible thing to do.

TheRealBiscuitAddict · 30/09/2017 10:17

Then he can use that fact to obtain his visa for himself.

If the OP goes along with applying for the family visa etc she will need to provide proof that their relationship is legitimate. Having a child together won't be enough, especially given they're living apart and she went to Algeria both to marry him and to get pregnant - after he'd been deported from the UK.

The marriage is no longer in existance, and yet the OP will need to provide evidence that it is. Possibly copies of text messages, whatsapps, FB conversations. I know of at least two couples who have been through this recently and who met online and had to provide proof of internet conversations etc to show they were actually together and planning a relationship/life together.

If the OP's conversation history contains details of their split and his asking her to go ahead with applying for the visa she will be nailed as committing visa fraud. It's an extremely serious crime and carries a prison sentence potentially.

Yes, the OP has been taken in by this conman but now is the time to remove the rose tinted glasses and realise that she's purely been a pawn in his game and that helping him any further, regardless of there being a child, will implicate her as well.

Jb291 · 30/09/2017 10:21

OP I am sad to say I agree with the other posters in that this filthy piece of scum is using you to get a UK visa and you then won't see him for dust. Are you in the UK now? Do not continue with this visa application and start divorce proceedings. Get yourself home to your family and cut this lying filth out of your life. Don't put him on the birth certificate of your child. Don't give him any grounds whatsoever to further apply for a visa here.

Thingvellir · 30/09/2017 10:30

OP, sorry you have been used by this man. I would advise you to drop the visa application and annul the marriage if that can be done. Also don't travel to Algeria with your child once born, you have been somewhat naive here and need to wise up and protect your child and yourself. I wish you the best Flowers

TheRealBiscuitAddict · 30/09/2017 10:31

Yes, if she cooperates with the immigration authorities in so much as telling them that the marriage appeared to be under false pretences she should minimimise her part.

What I'm saying is that if she goes along with his request to gain him a visa then she will be complicit and personally liable for any consequences of lying to the authorities at this point.

If the marriage is legal he will automatically be on the birth certificate so there's no point advising against that.

TheRealBiscuitAddict · 30/09/2017 10:37

How do people suggest she have a marriage annulled which has been consummated between two adults and now has a child in the equation as well?

Whether the OP was taken in or not, the fact remains that she as an adult willingly travelled to Algeria and willingly married him, willingly planned a pregnancy. With him. Even if he's only used her to gain a visa, at the most all she can do is to try to prevent him coming to the UK, but as there's a child in the mix there's a chance she won't even be able to do that and he will be entitled to access if he seeks it.

She needs to start divorce proceedings but she has willingly done all that preceded the current state of play that is all she can do.

FWIW a friend of a friend married someone from a different country, he lived here for a period, they had a baby together, and the instant his visa came through he told her the only reason he'd married her was to get a visa and that the marriage was now over. She contacted the authorities but as the visa had been granted they said it was his word against hers and he had the right to remain in the UK.

I know many of these men are persuasive but seriously these women need to start taking a bit of responsibility as well. If you're blinded by love that doesn't alter the facts that someone who has been deported from the UK and who then suggests having a baby so they can be together is a huge red flag which should be heeded. Because once you're that deeply involved there's no going back.

Offred · 30/09/2017 10:40

She'd have to seek legal advice re whether the marriage is voidable due to it being an immigration scam.

I doubt it would be though, most probably it will be necessary to divorce.

marfisa · 30/09/2017 10:48

Excellent advice from Offred on this thread. I would do as she suggests, OP. Start a new life with you and your baby, and leave him to apply for a visa on his own on the grounds that he's the parent of a British citizen.

To what extent he was 'genuine' and to what extent he was/is using you doesn't really matter (maybe he doesn't entirely know himself). What does matter is that you don't want to be with him as his wife and it's ILLEGAL for you to apply for a spousal visa for him in that case.

Best of luck to you and your DD!

marfisa · 30/09/2017 10:57

By the way, I also don't see any need for the anti-immigrant prejudice on this thread. I know loads of people who have married immigrants and it has worked out fine. Even being deported is not necessarily a 'red flag' because the Home Office these days deports a lot of people who have a strong case not to be deported.

Implying that all immigrants are after UK wives just as a way of staying in the UK is racist. The OP didn't do anything wrong. This particular immigrant turned out to be a jerk and now she quite rightly plans to break up with him.

Original poster
Micaella · 30/09/2017 11:29

I do currently live in the UK and have never lived in Algeria, yes it was a civil marriage which is recognised in the UK. Was I really that blind? How can someone mess up my life and not care.

Ive met his family they are loving and welcoming and I thought he was too, but maybe he just managed to manipulate me I was quite shy when I met him and he is 7 yrs older than me.

I just worry that i dont want my daughter to grow up without a dad, i grew up with both parents and wanted the same for her, i dont want her to be affected.

OP posts:
thatdearoctopus · 30/09/2017 11:30

Sorry if I've missed this, but where are you at the moment, OP? The UK or Algeria? If you're in Algeria, then get yourself home right now, and have the baby here. If you can't fly, then get to a port and sail.
If you give birth there, you might never be allowed to leave.

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