This can't be normal....is it?!

[mellongoose]

Is it normal for a supposedly happily married woman of 40, to suddenly start fantasising about a boyfriend from years ago?!

So as not to drip feed. I love my husband with all my heart. We have been together 6 years and we have a 3yo child. I've been off sex since child was born. He's been understanding but pretty pissed off. I do engage about once a week/10 days and I really enjoy it when we do it. But otherwise I see it as a bit of a chore

In the last couple of weeks I've had more than one dream about an ex. We were only together for about 6 months but I never really totally got over him. It wasn't real though. He was a nice guy, but he poured so much emotion into such a short period of time. Sexually it was brilliant. But then I wanted to get too serious too soon and he didn't. It happens. But at the time I was devastated.

Why can't I feel this passion for the husband I love and love and love. And who genuinely loves me back??? How can I make this better?

We're just sending this over to relationships at the OP's request.

Fantasy and dreams are just that. I've had dreams about sex with exes. Actually, have them quite regularly tbh! It's just a dream. Your subconscious thinks of things you would never do in real life. Similarly, people fantasise all the time about things they would never actually want to do with a partner. It's normal. It's easy and seems pleasurable because it's fantasy. It's complete separate from the daily grind of life with your partner. It's the same reason frankly that people have affairs (besides the fact they're assholes), because it's exciting and new. It's hard to make your every day sex life with your longterm partner quite that new and shiny no matter how much you try. Are there things you would want to try with your partner that you haven't? Or if the issue is just quality time together to relax, are you spending enough time alone? I found getting a babysitter and actually making sure we got regular nights out really helped the spark? But still it's always going to be different than you're dreams and that's totally normal and healthy and nothing to be worried about.

We have family support but nights alone are few and far between.

My husband thinks I don't fancy him any more. I do but I just don't feel sexy. BUT I did in those dreams 🙄.