DD (3) allegedly distressed after visit with me....

[Locksbrook]

My ex wife has recently moved away with our DD.

I've always had her every weekend until she moved and we have a very good relationship. DD also has a good relationship with my partner and her DC.

DD now stays with us for a week at a time. She has done this many times before in the past. She is always very settled, laid back and happy here.

My ex has said that upon returning to DD is clingy and distressed, following her around the house crying.

Why could this be happening? My ex could be making this up of course. She has mental health problems (anxiety and depression) which makes me worry that if this is true that DD is reacting negatively to this...

Er,
Lots of guess work going on here.
Maybe she prefers being with her father and his family and the distress is going back to her mother?

Maybe her mother is stirring it up.
Maybe maybe maybe. ...
What reasson for moving 300 miles away, work, family, get away from ex????

I don't like the use of the word "allegedly". My DS was like this after just spending a day with his father once a week. Fortunately there were witnesses to this (ex's own parents on more than one occasion) otherwise I am sure I would have been accused of "alleging" things or "mental health issues" . My elder DD and I used to dread DS's return because we knew we'd be in a for a nightmare few days, crying, clingy etc. Small children generally do not like being separated from their mothers and she is only 3 years old, a week is a long time. By saying that I am not diminishing your role as her father at all, however, I agree that shorter more frequent visits would be better but appreciate with the distance that is difficult. You have tried to blame your daughter's mother for this rather than understanding that it may just be too much! For the record, I also suffer from anxiety, this does not make me a shit parent or mean that my children are in any way unsafe, unhappy or unsettled, quite the opposite. Offreds post is extremely sensible.

Awww, poor little one. I agree with pp about separation anxiety she must hate leaving you and might feel like she's lost you and then be scared that she's going to lose her mummy too.

I wouldn't be too quick to point the finger at her mother (but ofc be wary & vigilant)

The distance is difficult but is there any way that you can make the transition/exchanges easier? Maybe have breakfast or lunch somewhere with you dd & her mum together before she goes, and make plans for things to do on her next visit so she doesn't feel castaway?

MrsC see the massive dripfeed about the mother being a drug addict with violent bf and ss being called in ... OP is wasting our time.

ravenmum I certainly did. I am going to assume mother has moved away because of this situation. I also find it hard to believe the father didn't know about SS involvement. There has been no clarification about the drugs, which could be anything without further information. I don't appreciate the mother being blamed here when there is a clear failure on the father's side to appreciate that a 3 year old may suffer from separation anxiety which doesn't appear to have been considered or addressed.

If the move is very recent could she be home sick? So the move happens and everything is all exciting, then she spends a week with dad which is all great but quite a long time, shes looking forward to going back where she spends most of her time. Only she doesn't go home, she goes to the new house and the only familiar thing there is mum.

Oh drugs and violence, how did i miss that?!

The "allegedly" is very grating, I'll agree with that, as it is hardly something that seems likely to be made up. I'd assume that any child in that situation would be getting distressed.

I don't appreciate the mother being blamed here when there is a clear failure on the father's side to appreciate that a 3 year old may suffer from separation anxiety which doesn't appear to have been considered or addressed.

^^
Spot on.

I'm not sure the drugs and boyfriend situation (both now in the past I assume) is relevant to the initial post other than to paint her mother i a bad light. Maybe the move was to start afresh and leave her old lifestyle behind?

That is a big dripfeed.

Bearing in mind what I said before about attachment bonds - children develop their attachment bond with their primary carer but the care they receive influences their attachment style. Children, especially young children, will develop attachment bonds to even the most abusive and neglectful parents and this will show in problematic social and emotional develop (attachment disorder).

This is why even the most abused children do not want to be taken into care for their own protection.

I'm not really sure how you/SC haven't intervened to prevent this move up until now if everything is as you have described.

what contact have YOU had with SS? you have to get a handle on what's what and absolutely look at getting custody arrangements reviewed

Hissy why do you think custody arrangements have to be reviewed?

To make sure they’re in the best interest of the child of course