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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH has just walked out.

53 replies

Radley · 07/04/2007 16:47

He knew I wasn't happy with him going to the pub today (4th time out this week), he said he would be in for 3 and fair do's he did.

Kids were wanting to talk to him and all he was interested in was watching the horses to see if any he had put a bet on came in. I told him that the kids were pleased to see him etc and he carried on grumbling so I told him he preferred horseracing. Hence he threw the sky remote (now not working) at the cupboard turned tele off and stormed outside to clean the bbq (i've since discovered he used one of my cream tea towels )

Then he came in stormed upstairs and proceeded to tell dd1 (7.11) if i wanted a bbq i could clean it.

Next thing, he storms downstairs says really loudly 'you doing my fuffin head in this week woman' and walked out, i rang him cos dd1 and dd2 wanted to know where he was and guess where? Yup, he's gone to the friggin pub again.

On the phone he said that he is sick of instigating any contact between us (what does he expect when I now work and he does nothing in the house, takes me for granted etc, doesn't even attempt to arrange for a babysitter to take me out) and that since I found out that my close friend has cancer, I've been having a go at him as though it's his fault.

He has said he will be in for 7pm, but we will have to wait and see, whereas I am sat here now, knowing that he will no doubt be calling me everything under the sun to his mates in the pub and also, someone who he does not like is in the pub and if he says one word to dh, I know what he will do.

TBH I can't help but think he wanted an excuse to go the pub as he begrudged having to come in at 3.

If you've read this, thank you, no-one to rant to, can't phone friends as I have dd1 & dd2 here and I've managed to get away with telling them he has gone to get coals for the bbq

OP posts:
Chandra · 07/04/2007 16:55

Oh Radley! but reading at your other thread I think that you are right to be annoyed.

The weather is wonderful (at least around here), why don't you go out with the children? all the things to do can wait a bit, and I supose that the house workload is going to be significantly reduced now as with that behaviour I wouldn't sort anything for him for a week, not even helping him to find the keyhole when he comes in.

Ifonlyhewould · 07/04/2007 16:56

I'm sorry you are going through this. Men can be such babies sometimes. I wonder what would happen if we were the ones to throw a tantrum and storm out.
My DP's dad once did just the same thing so his mum made his tea and took it to the pub, placed it down in front of him, complete with knife and fork and left the pub to a round of applause from his mates

My bet is that he won't even mention this to his mates, he won't want to lose face. Anyway, don't worry about him, you just concentrate on the children. Are you able to get the bbq coals yourself so that you can still have a bbq? If not, why don't you imrpovise and use the oven but have a picnic in the garden. Just make sure it's all been eaten before DH gets home from pub!

Above all, keep smiling

Original poster
Radley · 07/04/2007 16:57

LOL thanks chandra

OP posts:
lou33 · 07/04/2007 16:57

oh radley, you post made my flash right back

i'm so sorry

Original poster
Radley · 07/04/2007 16:58

I know that a 'talk' is inevitable, but he has a knack of turning it to my fault, or getting his cocky obnoxious head on

OP posts:
Nemo2007 · 07/04/2007 16:58

Radley to be honest does sound like hes come home in a bad mood and looked for an excuse to leave again.
No advice just sympathy

coleyboy · 07/04/2007 16:59

I would suggest there is something else that is causing the tension. People very rarely start an arguement over what is really bothering them. The real issues are normally simmering away unsaid, and manifest themselves in petty squables.

It sounds like a good chat is needed. You are feeling taken for granted, and no doubt he is too - even if you don't agree that he is!

talcyegg · 07/04/2007 17:11

You wait all week for a nice weekend, bank holiday or hols,...and then weirdly,for many it's spent feeling like poo
(not a criticism, an observation,and my own experience)
My sympathies are with you

Keep your chin upx

earlgrey · 07/04/2007 17:14

Radley, I don't know what to say, except that I completely empathise with you. In a rush now - but H has insisted on going down to the pub to watch the football. I said "but I've put supper on" and he said "Oh well, I'll miss it then, won't I?"

This was a £15 thing of beef which I don't normally do. My friend's just come round and I'm going to give the half-cooked thing to her.

Bastards.

earlgrey · 07/04/2007 17:15

Sorry, re-read that and it's no help to you whatsoever - except that you're not alone.

Ifonlyhewould · 07/04/2007 17:16

These men do not deserve such lovely women!! Keep smiling girls

earlgrey · 07/04/2007 17:16

lou, you need a separate thread just for the likes of us.

Original poster
Radley · 07/04/2007 17:30

At the minute, i'm sat on a knifes edge, trying my best not to lose it with the kids, i feel like crying, but won't.

I don't think i want him to come home at all.

OP posts:
talcyegg · 07/04/2007 17:32

Can you go out for a walk, ice cream with the little ones?

Fresh air, distraction...might help

X

Ifonlyhewould · 07/04/2007 17:36

Please don't lose it with the kids. I know it's difficult but its not their fault, bless them.

I can understand how frustrated you feel though. But your DH won't be sitting on a knife edge, he's sitting on a bar stool oblivious to the hurt he has caused you. Bloody men!

Ifonlyhewould · 07/04/2007 17:37

Can you be out for when he comes home? Would that give him cause for concern at all or would he not bother?

talcyegg · 07/04/2007 17:40

OOOOh, i did that once, when dd1 was really little, unfortunately it made things 100 times worse.

Ifonlyhewould · 07/04/2007 17:42

oooh sorry. Maybe not such a goof idea then

Ifonlyhewould · 07/04/2007 17:42

meant good

Original poster
Radley · 07/04/2007 17:42

If I wasn't in, he would not give a shite, just have an early night and another couple of beers.

So far I've managed not to take it out on the kids, only 80mins to bed time. I'm sat cuddling the little one watching backyardigans.

When I look at them I can help but think ' why did i bring someone as beautiful as them into such a shit world?'

Sat here crying now and saying it's cos my knee hurts

OP posts:
talcyegg · 07/04/2007 17:43

it might work, spose it depends on the dh

Ifonlyhewould · 07/04/2007 17:44

I'm so sorry. I really don't know what else i can say. I am really feeling this for you. xx

talcyegg · 07/04/2007 17:45

Come round mine
we can watch dr who and sip wine

Original poster
Radley · 07/04/2007 17:45

Got 2 bottles of my fave wine in the kitchen (which he brought to have with the bbq that he suggested) but not opening any.

OP posts:
Original poster
Radley · 07/04/2007 17:46

i'm on way talcy, love dr who & wine, where d ya live

OP posts: