Confused and need advice

[Hurtandfrustrated]

Please be gentle as this whole thing is making me feel really raw.

Met someone a few months ago, we live quite far from each other, situation is we can't meet up properly any time soon as problems both ends with that.

Was all lovely in the beginning but recently feel he's losing interest, but when I ask directly he says no. He's not staying in touch as often or as fully as he was. Almost always me initiates contact.

Really like him but don't want to be a fool.

Go quiet and see if he responds. If not forget about him. I've had this loads.

I would hold back, don't initiate for a while, if they are interested they will initiate, if not then there is someone much better waiting out there for you!

Thing is I was single for a LONG time I'm an older lady and had almost given up on meeting anyone again. Thought this was my last gasp anyway. Sick of being alone.

I can see why you're hurt, anyone would be, but you can't make him feel differently. As pp have suggested, go quiet. If he's still interested he will initiate. If he isn't, we'll then it's better you found out now before you were any more invested. It doesn't have to be an indictment of you. He could have things going on in his life that make relationships difficult, or he may have been put off by the logistics. There is no point asking him what's wrong as that neediness is more likely to repel him.

I get what you're saying rainy just I get so fed up of people not being honest about their feelings. I'm an open book if I like someone it's obvious, if I don't it's also obvious. I hate game playing (which is what waiting to see if he contacts me feels like) and I hate dishonesty. Which also includes lack of being clear, something we had discussed and he said he was the same.

I've just recently had exactly this. I did what I suggested to you and it's the best thing I did.

There are plenty out there that will respond to you in a better way. Don't be too disheartened. It took me a few weeks to get used to the idea, and realised he wasn't the one.

You are not game playing, you're seeing if he's interested. Let us know how you get on.

I will, I'm just - I'm a single mum and my daughter is reaching that point of almost being ready to move out and it's pathetic but I'm dreading being alone.

I've been single over 10 years and I am really fed up and sick of being alone.

Is it really game playing to wait though?

I'd think of it more as allowing him to be how/ who he is, without pressure.

Might help clarify things for both of you?

I am sorry you are hurting though; it does sound sore

X post, sorry!

What's really confusing me is when I have asked directly he's said he is still interested, but his behaviour seems otherwise.

It's not game playing. Look at it this way - if a man is interested, he will make the effort for you. No two ways about it. So if you hold back and he likes you, he'll get in touch. Win. If he's not bothered, not only will you know about it, you've also saved yourself the emotional effort of "chasing" him, so that's a win too. And honestly, chasing up a man who's not interested only turns them off more. I'm not saying you're being over the top or too clingy or anything - but always having to initiate contact will come across as chasing to him. When it's right it feels effortless. It doesn't need to be hard work.

And words are cheap!

Hate this. He's also said things like I'm good for him and he likes what we have. But yea, easy to say I guess. Why can't people just be honest?

I'm in exactly the same situation! It's so difficult as I really like him and willing to put the effort in to a long distance relationship but he seems to go hot and cold. It's confusing and yes upsetting. We've had some nice times together but I just don't want to drop it all.

It's making me 'dishonest' too as when I'm texting him I'm being all light and fun etc when what I WANT to say is WTF are you playing at??!!

But that doesn't mean he's being dishonest. You probably are good for him, he does like what you have, and he hasn't lost interest. He's still interested...in keeping you as a prospect. But I'd suspect he's still chatting to others or keeping an eye out, especially as you haven't even met yet. He's keeping you hanging on - not cruelly, but just because that's how to play it. It's what you should be doing with him, if you haven't even dated yet. Or you lose your heart to words on a screen...

Have you met up in person yet? sorry OP, I couldn't tell.

Jonsnow - bloody hard and horrible isn't it?

I would love to meet someone straightforward who makes the effort and doesn't mess me about! I have NEVER experienced that. Is it just me or do guys never play straight?

Or you have met but can't date often - that's really difficult unless you're super into each other.

Not met in person yet, neither of us were even looking for anything in how we met (through a hobby forum).

OP
Actions speak louder than words.

It really is :( we have met a few times over the last few months so I suppose a slightly different situation - I'd just like him to either decide on how he wants it to play out or just say if not. I know that makes me sound a bit pathetic but I like him and I don't want to give up on it but sometimes you just want to shake them!

Oh yea! I can understand the wanting to shake them (at least metaphorically speaking) and the feeling pathetic.

I'm not ugly/a nightmare I've not had a relationship in a long time because I have chosen not to date arses!

Thought I had found a good one and now not so sure.

The thing is you can't know if you've found a good one if you've never/rarely met in person. You might have! But you can't know for sure.