My DP is depressed because he's loosing his hair. What can I do?

[winkletwinkletoes]

Hi,

My DP is 28. He has been thinning for years and he knows this. He eventually needs to shave it off this year or next year at the maximum.

I am really supportive about this. I actually think he wouldn't look that bad as he has nice features ect.
I always say I think it will look fine and I actually have quite a few celebrity crushes on the bald or shaven headed man

But he is in total depression and denial. He doesn't think he is depressed but he is taking less and less interest in what he wears, what he eats and is constantly shovelling unhealthy food. He has gained weight because of this.

I have tried to promote his self esteem by trying to cook healthy meals when I was doing weight watchers, I ask him if he wants to go gym, I try and take him clothes shopping but he's just had a meltdown.

He says he isn't depressed, but won't buy any clothes because he doesn't like his shape, and has no motivation to go to the gym but then says he's fine with the way he is?

What else can I do as it's coming between us. I want him to want to make an effort but what else can I do?

He has said that I have to get used to the way he is because he isn't changing and it's only going to get worse.

It's not called "male pattern baldness" for nothing. Most men experience it. There is nothing special about him.

I am going through menopause at the moment. It's fucking horrific. But if I took it out on my H I would expect him to push back. It's part of life and I don't fancy the alternative.

I don't know a single man who hasn't hated going bald. I have a good friend whose picture was in the national papers some years ago in connection with a significant achievement. When I rang to congratulate him the first words out of his mouth were " I look so bald in that picture!!"

God, I read some threads on here and wonder honestly if the OP has taken up with my XH.

Life is too fucking short to pander and pussyfoot around a guy heartsick about a thinking barnet when you've been told previously to shape up or ship out because of actual anxiety and depression.

I tell you right now, it's not worth it.

*thinning

Not "thinking"

Either way: grips needed.

Agree with floof to some extent. Responses are fucking harsh. It's a horrible thing to happen at 28 and i can quite see why it could seriously damage self esteem. How ridiculous to say well there are children starving- the same could be said about every single problem most of us experience. Doesn't mean we aren't allowed to have our own problems that are real to us.
Op I don't think there's much more you can do than what you have already described and keep encouraging him to get some help if you think he's depressed. I guess it depends how long this lasts as to if you think you can keep dealing with it. If the main issue is the hair I think give it some more time and he will come to terms with it, but sounds like there may be more to it than that.

I don't think it's a lack of compassion but more how do you cope when you are unhappy? Is he willing to take antidepressants, have therapy, go to the gym? All of which are proven to help improve your mood (especially exercise) what else can be done? Is it acceptable to make your relationship miserable but refuse all constructive help? What then should the partner be expected to do?

shocked at responses on her what completely heartless TWATS .Of course there is always someone in a worse situation or lost the hair for other reaseon .So because he's a man it doesn't matter my mate started loosing his hair at 23 had assorts of treatment and took it very hard .where as a female lost most of her hair due to alopecia after 2 years doesn't care. Your hair is a massive part of your apperance the guy is struggling . I would suggest start shaving it but going a grade shorter each time so not complete shock .need to deal with depression see if you can get him to the doctors

This does sound like borderline depression/body dysmorphic disorder. And if it's not, he is certainly at risk of getting to that point, based on what you've said about him.

I think there have been some really harsh responses. I have female pattern baldness and just because it's more common in men doesn't make it any less devastating when it happens to you. Like your DH, I know there are far, far worse things that can happen in life, but hair loss can nevertheless get you very down indeed, especially when it happens at a younger age than usual.

I am also a past sufferer of body dysmorphic disorder (not to do with my hair, weirdly enough) and it made me suicidal. Looking back it's ridiculous but that's what it does to you. Every tiny little thing my lovely DH tried to say to make me feel better I took the wrong way. If your DH is anything like I was, he will be interpreting your attempts to get him fit and wear good clothes as basically a roundabout way of saying, "Now you've lost your hair, the only possible way you can look halfway decent now is by losing weight and wearing good clothes." People with body dysmorphic disorder can turn everything into an insult. He won't be able to help it. I'm afraid it is a terrible strain on the non-suffering partner

He must go to the GP for help - you shouldn't be having to shoulder all this. He doesn't have to feel this way.

Wigs / hairpieces can be very good these days. If it really bothers him he could book an appointment to try some on.

I've lost my hair due to chemo, I just wear a wig, scarf or hat. Stopped thinking about it really. Even cheap ones can look good.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/WIG-QUALITY-synthetic-youthful-GFW994-6/dp/B0073J9NHW/ref=sr112ssit?s=drugstore&ie=UTF8&qid=1506277097&sr=1-2&keywords=men%27s+wig

This guy in poundland had the rather nivel approach of using boot polish on the bald bits. Magic!

He has to be willing to accept help and from the OPs posts he is not yet.

Oh and thickening spray works well for some people.

My partner went bald like friar tuck at 24. He's shaved his head since and never looked back. Hes still a handsome man with a good face 21 years on.

He obviously doesn't understand women overlook baldness if the guy is interesting enough. Why not go to the hairdressers together and then book an appointment with a personal shopper (isn't that what it's called) to get an unbiased opinion what might go well with the new hairstyle.

Can't he just gets hair transplant while he has some left ? It's fairly standard now isn't it ?

Plenty of bald men are sexy as fuck.

My dh started loosing his hair at 25 and shaved the rest off, it didn't bother him and he thought he looked better without it. I've seen pictures of him with hair and he looks much better (hotter) bald.

I agree the boyfriend in this case is being weird.

Am I just a freak for "in general" finding bald guys really sexy? the whole "bit of rough" look. Yes yes please

For the hard of reading, all the suggestions being made to support him have all been tried/suggested by the op

Do you think she would be posting here if a simple "get him to see the gp" would be successful ?

How long and to what level of detriment to herself would folks insist she has a responsibility to overlook his negativity ?

Jason Statham. That is all.

Until he opens his mouth at least 😁

The bottom line is we are all entitled to feel any way we want to about something we're experiencing. What we are not entitled to do is make everyone else's life miserable because we refuse to deal with our emotions.

Spot on, aqua

Going off some of the responses on this thread though it seems women have a responsibility to bolster men's fragile egos ad infinitum

I experience intermittent alopecia which first appeared when I was 18 (my grandad was bald from 19 so I thought I was doomed).

At 18 I panicked. I was shy as it was and I felt anxious and upset at first. It grew back eventually and now and then I'll lose a random palm sized patch of hair.

I'm quite resigned to the fact I may lose my hair for good one day but when I think of the things I could have wrong with me, then on the grand scale of things, you know what, fuck it!

I can empathise that hair loss isn't way up there on everyone's wish list but at some point he's going to have to acknowledge this isn't going to go away without a hell of a lot of dosh.

Maybe it's easier for me as a woman cos I can get a excited about all the crazy wigs I can buy

I don't like the way he dismissed your depression as a burden when he's quite over indulged in his own pity though x

Yes aqua that exactly.

Like AF said I have tried the above and I suggest going to the Drs and he isn't willing to. I am all out of ideas.

It isn't your job to have ideas for him.

he has made reference to my anxiety and depression coming between our relationship and telling me to change otherwise it's going to end the relationship

I'd say what he did with you was correct. He didn't try to cure you himself, he just pointed out that it could become a deal breaker if you didn't sort it out. You sorted it out.

Do the same with him.