How do you leave a relationship if you have dc and no support?

[Winniethepooer]

Met dp 18 years ago. Theres nothing good about the relationship. Got really awful earlier this year.

Bottom line is 2 of my dc are disabled. I have no money. No job. No family in this city. 1 friend who also has a disabled ds. Dp has no money on paper.

How do you finish a relationship where the other person has choice & control.

I've looked into benefits. Can't live on U.C. 4 dc in total. Youngest is 3. Ds 9 is in part time school. How do i work? No childcare for disabled dc.

How do i even just manage day to day?

Its unbearable...

Oops wrong thread sincere apologies

Horrendous situation OP. what levels of DLA are your children on? Do you get the top up on tax credits or is it all under UC?
Do you have a Carers Centre near you? We have a specialist benefits worker where I work.
I hate this government for trapping people in shit relationships because of financial positions.
I'm going to have a google of UC now. We don't have it here yet but sounds bloody awful xx

Disabled child additions – An additional amount is included for each child or qualifying young person who is disabled. It is set at two different levels:

a higher rate - £372.30 a month for a child/qualifying young person who is entitled to the highest rate of the care component of disability living allowance (DLA), the enhanced rate of the daily living component of personal independence payment (PIP) or who is certified as severely sight impaired or blind by a consultant ophthalmologist; and
a lower rate - £126.11 for a child/young person who is entitled to any other rate of DLA or PIP.

OP I'm so sorry for your situation. And very angry on your behalf. I wish I had some practical advice for you. I'd babysit your kids and give you respite if you were near me! (Surrey).

It may be worth a trip to the GP, too, Winnie. Antidepressants didn't make our problems go away, but they certainly helped me deal with them. I just felt...I don't know...about 20% stronger and more able to deal with the many challenges I faced. Definitely don't rule them out.

I have 2 disabled dc and I left exP when my youngest was 2 months. Both are on DLA, so we get premiums on tax credits and I'm able to claim carers allowance and income support (plus housing benefit, council tax support, free school meals etc). I think you might get less than I do on UC but I do have enough income to be comfortable. We were given priority for a council house too due to the dc's disabilities.

The whole UC system seems much harsher. Is there any way you could move to an area that isn't under UC yet (but close enough for your dcs to still go to the asd school - mine are both at independent asd schools and I can understand not wanting to pull them out). I think you'd get transitional protection then. Definitely go to see a CAB or call someone like Contact, Carers UK or the NAS helpline - they are all good with their benefits advice.

Same boat OP!

I have limited access to benefits, long story, not married, disabled child, in another country, my name is not on the mortgage, very limited access to work ( none at present).

It's a nasty situation and I do wonder how I got here!

Used to have career and a house!

Feel tricked actually as DP promised he'd marry etc.

But I'm going to leave anyway. Will have to wait a year. Two temporary offers of places, but really it's friends rooms so not ideal at all. Seeing a solicitor but she painted a bleak picture. I need to throw myself out there, but that also means moving kids.

Also, have a problem as DP is not happy with me moving, taking the kids, but no alternative offered. He may fight me. But I think I will find a way. Awful though as schools as you know don't come easy, stability is key. But we can't be trapped forever.

I am sorry I have no knowledge about financial help since I dont live in the UK, but a couple of ideas:

• could you host a student that would care for your kids in exchange for a room?

• is there any work you can do from home? (Artistic etsy type, cooked meals to deliver, seamtress?)

On thr other hand the father needs to provide care or child support. I am assuming he is self employed? That's why you said 10k "on paper"? If so, you can ask for imputation of income based on his skills or if he is not declaring eveeything to avoid tax you can report him to be investigated

Try contact.org.uk. Lots of advice for families of children with disabilities there. You can't carry on like this.