How do you leave a relationship if you have dc and no support?

[Winniethepooer]

Met dp 18 years ago. Theres nothing good about the relationship. Got really awful earlier this year.

Bottom line is 2 of my dc are disabled. I have no money. No job. No family in this city. 1 friend who also has a disabled ds. Dp has no money on paper.

How do you finish a relationship where the other person has choice & control.

I've looked into benefits. Can't live on U.C. 4 dc in total. Youngest is 3. Ds 9 is in part time school. How do i work? No childcare for disabled dc.

How do i even just manage day to day?

Its unbearable...

Sorry but i dont if people read previous posts. I wont get Carers Allowance as i live in an area that has already transfered to Universal Credit. I presumed i would probably be ok benefits wise as I've 2 disabled dc. I won't be!!

I rent. My landlord would need to evict me before i would be entitled to Social housing.

One of my ds is incontinent. I can't even go out with both of them by myself as i can't control them. We've been indoors since friday. The reality is hideous.

To the poster that mentioned help with childcare for my youngest. Shes not the issue. I can find any nursery or CM to have her. Childcare for disabled dc doesn't exist!

No SW at no CP issues.
Sorry I'm clearly just not thinking hard enough to find a solution.

UC is a car crash, certainly

I sadly understand why mothers walk away

You should have a social worker as you have disabled children. There does not need to be child protection issues so ask to see one.

I have asked...
Begged & cried

Have you spoken to your local counsellor? Or your MP? Both ways have managed to get a SW out to speak to

Is there domestic abuse in your relationship, OP? If the answer is yes, then you don't have to be evicted by your landlord to apply for social housing.

Re: my social worker question. In theory all disabled children are entitled to a social services assessment - nothing to do with CP issues, but more an assessment of what the needs of the child and family are. In reality, most families don't ask for it and of those who do, most aren't allocated a social worker after the assessment anyway. But it can sometimes help with accessing housing to have a SW on your side. Just a thought.

Of course you're thinking hard enough! But its not easy, no simple solutions. Its shit. And to the pp who said she has plenty of single parent friends with disabled children and no other family support who manage. Really?! Its very, very tough.

The LA dismantled in tbe house restpite services. My older ds used to get 6 hrs respite a week. Younger son was diagnosed by then.

Now they get 2 hrs a week. Nothing else. Their summer holidays lasted 9 weeks. I managed to get the boys aweek each at a playscheme run by a charity. I paid for another weeks. £420 per boy, per week. 25 hrs at a centre based playscheme.

We're considered lucky!

To get housing you'd have to move into the refuge .

So yes we've been assessed by a SW & given 2 hrs week respite.

No DV Random

I have never wanted to hug a poster as much

I hear that Winnie. We used to get 3 hours a week respite for my DS. That was cut to 5 hours a month.Then they gave us a direct payment to arrange 'short breaks'. But they had to be provided by a small pool of registered organisations in the borough, none of whom could meet my DS's needs.

He s in a residential school now - a whole other story and another long and traumatic fight -but in the holidays he is entitled to absolutely nothing.

Don't get me started on cuts to disabled children's services

Sometimes you have to do it all over again OP, even if the answer was no first time.

You don't say much about your partner except he has "choice and control". If its emotional abuse I believe this has been made illegal since earlier this year (someone correct me if wrong) so that may be part of the route you may need to go down?

Under UC you can still claim CA but it'll be taken off your UC payment so you are not paid it twice by 2 depts.
What benefits are you on atm (not the children's DLA) ? If you can't claim UC because of the welfare reform changes you are eligible to apply for IS, CTC and housing benefit. ... what UC area are you in, full or live service ?

Winne my heart goes out to you & your DCs, it's totally unfair on you all to be in this situation.
I googled & found some info on Turn2us that could help, you may be entitled to more than you think on UC: "If you are currently getting Universal Credit you will not be paid a child element for a third or subsequent child born on or after 6 April 2017, unless an exception applies."

I hope this helps you all get out of your current situation.

www.turn2us.org.uk/Benefit-guides/Universal-Credit/Additional-Elements-of-Universal-Credit#guide-content

That reads as if you'll get a child element for all of your 4 DCs, doesn't it?

WA is for any kind of abuse!!!

Clearly you need to take advice as you cannot do this alone. Speak to as many people as you can, council housing office, citizens advice, benefits office, free half hour at solicitors, womens aid.
After speaking to everyone you should be able to get a clearer picture of how you will be able to manage.
Make lots of notes, see what support is available, your GP and health visitor will also be able to refer you to agencies that will help.
The help and support is definitely out there you just need to make a start.

Thanks. Will read all links tonight. I've an appointment at Drs tomorrow so hopefully she will give me antidepressants so i can cope better.

I'm not going to be able to leave... ever.
Dc are too hard. Hopefully he leaves me or something!

Also if you can get a place in a womens refuge you will get housed quicker. Control financial or otherwise is counted as abuse now as much as physical abuse. the good thing about refuges is that you are amongst women like you and get fantastic support there from everyone and also really good advice. I went into one with my DS to escape from my first husband.

Please read my responses

Not with 2 disabled dc. That would be out of school... etc